Fat Chick Fellatio

by: Wes Muller
University of New Orleans
The Driftwood

Fat chicks have it hard these days. Ridicule and columns like mine seem to get the best of their self-esteem. One time a friend of mine actually wrapped a fat girl in toilet paper and lit her on fire, proceeding to say, "Sizzle like bacon, you fat bitch!"

So as you can see, it's not easy for the fatty. However, there is one advantage overweight women have over skinny chicks: they give great head.



The reason I make this generalization is neither from hearsay, nor personal experience, but from scientific law. Behavior Analysis Professor, Dr. Tony Rodi, theorized, "A fat chick will suck your dick like there's no tomorrow, because she never knows when she will see a dick again." This theory was later tested and proven by the "Wes Weekly Scientific Research Association" in early 2005.



Upon the surfacing of this scientific law, men all around the globe quested to test the results themselves. By the year 2007, 78% of sexually active men in the United States claimed to receive an 'above average' blowjob from one or more heavy set women. This is a dramatic increase compared to the meager 13% in 2005.



The Wes Weekly Staff sought out to acquire more data on Fat Chick Fellatio. Based on recent research, we found some key aspects of this art form that make it so pleasurable. The first being the thickness of an overweight woman's mouth, including the tongue, palate, and cheeks. The second is the fat girl's uncanny ability to use teeth at the precise moment.



The third is the basis of the scientific law. That is the fat chick's determination and commitment of catering to the penis is comparable to her determination and commitment of eating food.



Let it be known that overweight women have a great quality about them. Blowjobs are like the icing on a cake to men, and fat chick's definitely understand icing. It's not easy being large, but if you are, use your advantage...give some head and give it good.