Quit playing games

by: Darcy Newell
Vanderbilt University
The Vanderbilt Hustler

I was inspired for this column after conversing with a friend of mine (read: a sports watching, red-meat eating, “chicks”-chasing heterosexual male) who bombarded me with a series of questions on how he should proceed in a new relationship he has entered with a girl. Read on.

Unnamed Male: “So like is a text message appropriate? Or like a call, but definitely not a voice mail. I mean, like what would I say? Shit. You know, I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot here. I don’t want to be one of those too-eager assholes. Maybe I’ll do a text. But who texts you know? Texts are for girly men. Okay, I won’t do anything. If she wants to do something she can call me, right? Okay great. Thanks Darcy.”

….?

The problem here is that this poor fellow of mine really likes this girl. They had a really good time. So why is he racking his brain with ways to seem like he doesn’t? Why does a text message/ phone call, etc have to be completely void of emotion for it to be considered worthy of sending? If the guy is torturing himself with these rules of engagement, you can be pretty sure the girl isn’t going to make the first move. So there they are, two people who like each other, clutching their cell phones, waiting for the other one to make the first move, terrified to do it themselves.

You’re probably thinking, well, I don’t do that. Well that’s funny because yes, you most certainly do. Do you get a text message and wait a bit before you respond? Obviously, who checks their phone most frequently than every two hours? That’s imperative. Do you screen phone calls? Do you replace sentences that pop in your head something like “I’d love to!” with ones that come out of your mouth as “yeah, I guess that’d be cool. I could look into it.” When you see him/ her at a party you pretend you don’t? Sit online and wait for him (even when he’s your boyfriend, for god’s sake) to IM you first?

Now, I’m not recommending that supreme honesty is what the dating world needs. I’m not suggesting that when you see a pretty girl at a party you go tell her how you see your communal lives together panning out. Nor is it necessary to call him every other hour and tell him what you’ve eaten that day. A little mystery is great, we all know this.

What I am saying, however, is that we are wasting time and energy playing stupid games and confusing people WE ACTUALLY LIKE. If you like the girl and you want to see her this weekend, just call her. Leave a message. An invitation to hang out via a text message is lame and never properly conveys exactly what you meant to say. If she likes you too, I’m pretty sure she isn’t going to be sketched out with a phone call. In fact, she’ll probably be pretty happy. Yet, if you’ve completely overestimated her affections for you, and she is in fact just a girl whose number you have stolen from Facebook, well, I can’t really help you.

The moral of the story is that game playing, in the extreme forms I have mentioned, truly sucks. It can postpone actual relationships from happening because we are too afraid to show how we actually feel. So, I advise the collegiate dating world (and those already beyond its boundaries) to take a leap of faith and put yourself out there. Forget your game-playing armor, the emotion-less responses you’ve programmed into your head, the time tables you’ve memorized on when it’s appropriate to return a phone call. Put the games aside and actually play.