Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Recently I encountered a married guy who said he has been separated from his wife for a year, in transition, and have stayed put so far because of children. He is asked me questions that indicate he is interested in more than sex. He is a good match for me though I have not gave him greenlight because he is married. Is there a chance with him?Is he a typical married guy who won't leave his wife? What should I do?

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    I can tell you what I'd do, which is give this guy a pass. He's "separated" but won't actually leave "because of the children"?? If he really wanted to leave this marriage, he would have left already and made some sort of arrangement about the kids; divorcing couples do this all the time. So there's a better-than-average chance that he will be "separated" in perpetuity. And you'll be kept waiting for something that will never happen.

    So unless your goal is to be the permanent girlfriend of a married man, your best bet is to move on and find a guy who is actually available.

    reply to Jill
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    His actions prove that he is not about to leave his marriage, and his words prove that he is not being honest with you about it.

    Move on. There are plenty of better prospects out there.

    reply to Kal
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    I am coming late to this party, but want to add my voice to Kal's and Jill's.

    Very, very few couples have the emotional maturity and clear boundaries to be separated and still live in the same house.

    I think what he means by "separated" is that he wants all of the benefits of being a married father, but he also wants all of the benefits of being single.

    Unless his wife is 100% on board with this, chances are he is looking to cheat. If that's the case, I am willing to bet that once he gets completely comfortable with you, he will start looking for the next new romance.

    Also, I have raised three kids. A guy who "stays because of the kids" is not being honest with them. He is not doing them any favors. He is not teaching them to be authentic, or to make the hard choices.

    That right there would be a deal-breaker for me, because I cannot stand either dishonesty or emotional cowardice.

    So, yeah. I'd wish him well and move on.

    reply to Robynne
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    Bravo To Jill, and Kal, and Robynne! Excellent Advice

    reply to E. Jean
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