Nope, you're not turning into a nutter.

Anytime you put things into written words, you reveal things you don't intend to show. We *all* do. Even professional writers who should be able to hide stuff behind their craft.

People love to claim that you can't read tone in e-mails or posts or whatever, but if you know how to read context, you absolutely *can* see the feelings behind the words. There are certain word patterns and sentence constructions and all sorts of stuff that give you (us) away.

Especially when you're reading things you wrote yourself.

I'm not a psychologist -- and am probably already a nutter -- but it's possible that you're rereading stuff either to make sure you said exactly what you meant, to make sure you didn't let anything slip that you didn't intend to reveal, or to understand the feelings surrounding the issue that you're writing about.

This is probably doubly true when you're arguing with your partner. You might be looking for validation that what you're feeling is right -- "There it is! Right there! In writing!" Or you might be looking for clues to your own feelings -- "Why did I say that? Why do I keep saying that?"

Also, hearing your own written voice is really powerful, especially when there are strong feelings behind it. I don't know why, but it can get addictive. And I think we do it more when we're unresolved about something, but I could be full of crap.

Either way, you're not alone. I will admit that I occasionally go back over my first e-mails to Kal to try to figure out what he saw in them so I can do it some more. I look at e-mails I sent my girlfriends to kind of relive a fun thing that happened. Sometimes I look up my own articles online, and I have no idea why because they aren't all that interesting.

The way I get myself to let go is to say "Okay, this will still be here, later. I can read it again when I'm done working. Time to move on."

I hope that helps! <3

And of *course* you said exactly the same thing I did, only better.

And shorter. You're awesome. <3

I do that when I get caught up in the moment. I am thinking about something and want to go through it again. Sometimes I like to re-read my deathless prose, LOL or sometimes I want to mentally re-write what I wrote for next time.

We all relive our pasts too sometimes. It is not a bad thing unless it makes us too sad and we let ourselves get on the hamster wheel of what if and whatnot.

Then you have to get up and walk away to look forward.

I guess I am feeling like I am spinning in a hamster wheel for doing it. It's like I'm reliving an argument over and over.

Yes, I guess I am searching for validation, but do I need it 5 times in an hour?

Probably not forever but maybe for right now.

If it weren't for emails and text histories, you would probably be replaying these conversations over in your mind.

It is sort of like watching a movie again and hoping the action is different. It never is, of course, but we keep looking for the loophole or the assurance, in this case, that we were right in what we did.

I think the need will fade. It may be that you are rereading emails with the ex and using the other correspondence as a baseline, as in, "See! I can communicate perfectly fine with this other person so it was not all my fault!"

This is just part of the post-relationship fretting we all do. It is just expressing itself this way for you right now.

At some point, you will stop and move on but for right now it is sort of like poking a sore tooth. You can't keep away from it.

This is just a thought that has helped me not to do the very same thing, which is REViSITING.

If you believe in manifest destiny (which I do), then the thoughts that you have a very important. By looking back so often, you are limiting your chances for New and amazing things to happen in your life by spending too much time in the past. The past is dead. It lives only in our memories. Try deleting these messages, especially the ones that do not pertain to business. Then try imagining good things in the future, scenarios that DON'T go terribly.

I do that when I'm writing. It's terrible considering I write (sort, technically, at least my job title has "writer" in the name) for a living. I'm very careful about how I write things, far more than how I speak, precisely because it can be saved, re-read, shared with others, etc.
Basically you're justifying my caution. Seriously though, it's not strange at all. It's just a version of ruminating. I do that sometimes when I'm trying to think something through, or especially when I'm in an argument with a friend or boyfriend. I read the same thing over and over, as if I'll glean some new insight from it.
It is not terribly productive, but then again, neither is repeatedly opening the fridge hoping something new and exciting will appear in it, or I'll gain inspiration for something to eat. I may open the fridge three times in the space of 10 minutes.
I think the repeated reading is a bit more harmful then the mindless fridge touring. As the other vixens said, it's potentially disabling to forward motion.
I agree with M, deleting the messages can help.