hey ladies and gents,
so, i could use some advice:
i was dating someone for a year and a half. we loved each other very, very much and we were even living together. we had a beautiful romance and a really incredible relationship when, 6 months in to dating, he suddenly became like a different person-- picking fights constantly, very controlling, yelling at me until 4 in the morning (and not stopping even when i begged him to), and telling me there were problems with my personality. it was awful and eventually, after much, much pain and agony, i broke up with him and moved out. it was really terrible.
anyway, he started seeing a therapist (i had been begging him to for a long time) and found out he had anxiety problems and has since explained to me that is why he picked so many fights and was so controlling, etc. after this, i considered giving him a second chance and, after a long talk, we decided to start "working on things" again. the glitch was (and here's where i messed up), he was also involved with an engaged woman now and he was unwilling to leave her for me. he kept telling me really, really loved me and wanted to be with me, but needed things to "fade" with her first. two months later, i moved away (i was always planning on spending my summer elsewhere) and told him i was very sorry, but i couldn't let myself stay in this terrible situation anymore.
now, the engaged woman called off her engagement and my ex wants me to move back so we can work on us "for real this time" because he swears he still loves me more than anyone else and he only ever got involved with that woman because he was afraid of me hurting him again.
vixens, i've told my ex that i don't want to get back together and there's no way i'm moving back to work on things when i have so little trust that he's not going to hurt me again. when i tell him this, he yells and me and gets really upset, but then says i'll always be his "number one" but if i won't be with him, he's going to go back to this now not-engaged woman because at least she won't reject him.
vixens, i just feel horrible about this whole situation. the messed up thing is, i still really love this man. i know he's terrible for me. i really don't trust him. i'm so angry at him for so many reasons. and yet still, the thought of losing him for good is so painful and i'm having a really hard time trusting there will be someone else out there for me who i love and am drawn to the way i am with this man.
we're not talking this week-- i told him i needed time off to think, but it was really just so i could breathe and start moving on. we're supposed to talk again sunday but i don't even know what to say to him anymore. i do just want to move on. i'll be ok, right?
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Monique wrote: If you know he's no good for you and you don't trust him, you know the answer. It will hurt like crazy for quite a long time to leave him, but the alternative is it hurting just as bad, but in a different way, if you are with him. So sorry about your situation. There has to be someone out there who is better for you and won't put you through this.
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