Dearest Advice Vixens,
Please forgive the re-post from Julia's question, I'm new here and trying to figure this out. For some hideous reason, my parents (who I was always very close with) have told me that they flat-out refuse to allow me to bring my boyo of almost a year with me anywhere they're present. He's more understanding of my parents than I am at this point (which is insane!), but his parents are utterly horrible people and mobbed up; he loves my parents in spite of their dislike because he says it's just nice to know there are normal people in the world. He thinks that's why my parents don't like him (I'm a farm girl in the city), even though he refuses to speak to his parents and is adamant about avoiding the criminal life at all costs; I've seen him actually choose to starve rather than go to shady people for help.
I've torn my hair out over this for months, and when I confront my parents they insist that they just don't like his personality. They won't address my rather reasonable arguments as to why he's a great guy and doesn't deserve this disrespect, or the growing mound of evidence that supports my opinion. My friends all adore him, so they really don't get it, and most of them are parents! I've been told that he's not invited to be in their presence, basically, and that if I show up anywhere it has to be without him, so it looks like I've been uninvited from any family gatherings for the time being. There's one coming up very soon, and I'm considering boycotting it so they're forced to explain their ludicrous arguments to my aunts and uncles, who will hopefully talk some sense into them. I'm close to my huge extended family but see them only a few times a year, so this is immensely painful. Should I bring him anyway? He can be trusted to behave himself, but my parents possibly couldn't....
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Alice wrote: Honestly, his parents did used to deal with some mafia-esque people, but Boyo only found out when they were arrested very recently. He always suspected something was wrong, but he had no idea that it was *that.* I've been trying to support him emotionally, but he was so horrified that he cut ties with them and has refused to accept any of their dirty money to get us both out of poverty. He's a legal intern studying for the bar, and I'm a college grad scraping by on minimum wage; both of us have some medical problems that have put us in debt, so we're trying to stay afloat and find better jobs. I did actually date very few guys before him, all of who were not bad people but just not really right for me, with one exception: a drug addict I successfully escaped after a very short romance. Boyo is nothing like him, but then he's nothing like anyone else I've dated either; I've never been with anyone longer than six months, and my parents haven't met anyone before him. My last boyfriend had almost exactly the same personality as my dad and is the sort of guy parents swoon over, but we drove each other insane and were relieved to break up. Boyo is a little loud, like me, and very boisterous and funny and sweet. He's got Asperger's syndrome, which does annoy my parents, but many of my best friends are very blunt but kind people and I understand perfectly that he means no harm. He's trying so hard to change his social skills to suit my parents, and I've begged them to give him a chance to show them how graceful he can be, but they won't even talk to either of us about it. They've never been anything but friendly and welcoming before-- to anyone in my family, even the members they don't like or quite understand-- which is what makes this so confusing. Why now? Is it because I might marry him someday? Wise older friends seem to think so, but I have no idea.
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