Example, I send him an email to see if he wants to go to a concert. He says yes and leaves buying tickets, etc. up to me. He never pays me back. If he wants to go to a concert, he doesn't invite me, and if I want to go, I have to buy my own ticket because he doesn't see why he should have to take care of me.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendno offense, but based on these two examples, your boyfriends sounds like a selfish dick.
if it's something you both planned on doing and want to do it, both of you should be handling your own things, and then whatever else needs to happen should be discussed and both help out to get done whatever needs to get done.
you should only have to do everything in the case when he is only going (wherever) as a favor. he doesn't want to go, but is doing it for you, so therefore you get everything and make all the plans.
but i wouldn't go on the backpacking trip if my boyfriend was doing what yours is. I would simply say "obviously you dont' want to go so forget it" or I would go alone, unless it would be too weird. But I would NOT do everything just cauz he doesn't want to and chances are, if he doesn't want to go , he'll find a way to ruin it.
i'll give you an example. my guy wanted me to go to a concert of a band i didn't think i liked (now I do). he bought the tickets and didn't ask me to pay him back, but i helped plan how we were getting there, what we were bringing etc. It should always be somewhat of a shared situation, unless like i said, it's something he really doesn't like and it's a favor, then you should handle everything, but only then.
if it's something you both planned on doing and want to do it, both of you should be handling your own things, and then whatever else needs to happen should be discussed and both help out to get done whatever needs to get done.
you should only have to do everything in the case when he is only going (wherever) as a favor. he doesn't want to go, but is doing it for you, so therefore you get everything and make all the plans.
but i wouldn't go on the backpacking trip if my boyfriend was doing what yours is. I would simply say "obviously you dont' want to go so forget it" or I would go alone, unless it would be too weird. But I would NOT do everything just cauz he doesn't want to and chances are, if he doesn't want to go , he'll find a way to ruin it.
i'll give you an example. my guy wanted me to go to a concert of a band i didn't think i liked (now I do). he bought the tickets and didn't ask me to pay him back, but i helped plan how we were getting there, what we were bringing etc. It should always be somewhat of a shared situation, unless like i said, it's something he really doesn't like and it's a favor, then you should handle everything, but only then.
reply to Lady Sauce
send this answer to a friendOoh, yuck.
Too selfish and does he think a lot of himself? Yes, yes, yes.
Forget it. Two people who are in the early stages of a relationship would be expected to pay for the other if they are the one who issued the invitation. All the financial burden, however, should never be put on one person even if you are further along.
If there is a problem with one person not having time or money to prepare, then this should be discussed and solved fairly. If he really did not have the money, he should have said no. If he did not have the time at the last minute he should have asked pretty please if you could handle it and he would make it up to you. That is what couples do.
This guy is a user and rude and the relationship is completely unbalanced.
I think I would leave this fellow behind.
Too selfish and does he think a lot of himself? Yes, yes, yes.
Forget it. Two people who are in the early stages of a relationship would be expected to pay for the other if they are the one who issued the invitation. All the financial burden, however, should never be put on one person even if you are further along.
If there is a problem with one person not having time or money to prepare, then this should be discussed and solved fairly. If he really did not have the money, he should have said no. If he did not have the time at the last minute he should have asked pretty please if you could handle it and he would make it up to you. That is what couples do.
This guy is a user and rude and the relationship is completely unbalanced.
I think I would leave this fellow behind.
reply to Josephine
send this answer to a friendJosephine wrote: Ooh, yuck.
Too selfish and does he think a lot of himself? Yes, yes, yes.
Forget it. Two people who are in the early stages of a relationship would be expected to pay for the other if they are the one who issued the invitation. All the financial burden, however, should never be put on one person even if you are further along.
If there is a problem with one person not having time or money to prepare, then this should be discussed and solved fairly. If he really did not have the money, he should have said no. If he did not have the time at the last minute he should have asked pretty please if you could handle it and he would make it up to you. That is what couples do.
This guy is a user and rude and the relationship is completely unbalanced.
I think I would leave this fellow behind.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friend
He has the money, I don't know why he thinks I should have to buy this stuff for him. He has no problem spending $5000 on a new toy. It's just not important to him so he feels like he's doing me a favor by gracing me with his company.
He's got this big thing about needing me to take care of myself and pay my own way always.
I already told him I wouldn't have time to get his stuff together for him, I have too much to do this week. so he said just tell everyone we're not going.
I'm just bummed! I feel totally discouraged about asking him to do anything if I have to handle everything.
He's got this big thing about needing me to take care of myself and pay my own way always.
I already told him I wouldn't have time to get his stuff together for him, I have too much to do this week. so he said just tell everyone we're not going.
I'm just bummed! I feel totally discouraged about asking him to do anything if I have to handle everything.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendOh and now that he's not going, it's making it really hard for me to go, trying to find people to ride up and back with, etc.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendanonymous wrote: Oh and now that he's not going, it's making it really hard for me to go, trying to find people to ride up and back with, etc.
reply to Josephine
send this answer to a friend
You can, of course, feel free to organize the event to go if you were looking forward to it but if it were me, I would be planning on spending all of my free time and money on me without this guy until someone better came along.
Relationships involve two people. One person does not get to decide everything.
Relationships involve two people. One person does not get to decide everything.
reply to Josephine
send this answer to a friend
He's selfish and I'm sorry to say it dear, but he IS the bad guy. NO ONE should have to do all the work in a relationship. Curb time for him.
reply to ehvwon
send this answer to a friendDo you want to go on this trip?
I think going solo would give you time to evaluate your current relationship.
You boy sounds like a dick and you deserve a man who will treat you like a Princess.
Do not let him ruin your week-end. If you want to go you will find a way. But if you don't go you will just resent him all week-end and longer.
Even if you don't go on the trip do a "you" week-end and leave the boy out in the cold.
I think going solo would give you time to evaluate your current relationship.
You boy sounds like a dick and you deserve a man who will treat you like a Princess.
Do not let him ruin your week-end. If you want to go you will find a way. But if you don't go you will just resent him all week-end and longer.
Even if you don't go on the trip do a "you" week-end and leave the boy out in the cold.
reply to Tamara
send this answer to a friend
He is not your boyfriend, babe. Dump his ass and your problems will be solved.
reply to Blondie
send this answer to a friendThree words G A Y. He only spends to what he thinks is worth of his precious minutes, maybe he'd rather spend with a guy than an awesome girl like you..Because it implies that you are the only one to enjoy his cool company, then he's not enjoying yours. Why are you even with this guy?
reply to tina
send this answer to a friendHe's a cock. Get rid of him. And Lady Sauce is totally right that if he went on this trip, he'd ruin it. Afterall, he already has. And he didn't even have to go.
Did you know that there are men in this world who would go on this stupid camping trip when they really didn't want to, without complaining, just because they knew you were excited about it? No really--I've met men like this. They exist. Furthermore, there are men in this world who wouldn't have to pretend, because they have similar interests as you, and would happily shell out to do this sort of thing. And FURTHERMORE, did you know there are men who not only have similar interests as you, but are ALSO interested in making you happy, even if it means doing the occassional thing that requires effort on their part?
I repeat: The man is a cock. Get rid of him.
Did you know that there are men in this world who would go on this stupid camping trip when they really didn't want to, without complaining, just because they knew you were excited about it? No really--I've met men like this. They exist. Furthermore, there are men in this world who wouldn't have to pretend, because they have similar interests as you, and would happily shell out to do this sort of thing. And FURTHERMORE, did you know there are men who not only have similar interests as you, but are ALSO interested in making you happy, even if it means doing the occassional thing that requires effort on their part?
I repeat: The man is a cock. Get rid of him.
reply to Samantha
send this answer to a friend- [ Ask E.Jean Videos ]
- [ Advice Vixens ]
- [ Vixen Virtuosos ]
- [ E. Jean's Elle Columns ]
more questions
Newest Q's Most Popular Newest A's
Newest Q's Most Popular Newest A's
- my boyfriend of nearly a year has two young children a 4yr old girl and a 2yr old boy. When i met him he had ... view
posted 05/23/13 2:48pm by anonymous
2 comments; last 05/24/13 12:39AM - Vixens, after my boyfriend moved in with me, I found out he was an addict. Both drug and alcohol. We've been together for a year, ... view
posted 05/22/13 5:31am by anonymous
3 comments; last 05/23/13 12:49AM - Hi Vixens, I posted a few weeks ago about an attentive, male colleague going through a bad divorce after a 30 year marriage with whom ... view
posted 05/20/13 8:05am by DCL
2 comments; last 05/21/13 7:56AM - my colleagues at work have picked up on this associate colleague flirting with me in a sexual way, i was pleased and spoke to him ... view
posted 05/18/13 4:53am by anonymous
15 comments; last 05/23/13 12:53AM - Hi Vixens,
It's been years since my last post, but I don't know who to talk to about this--
My wonderful, loving, acupuncturist husband has ... view
posted 05/17/13 12:37pm by anonymous
8 comments; last 05/19/13 1:45PM
TOP VIXENS
I asked him if he was interested in going two months ago and he said yes. Neither of us have really done any overnight backpack trips so we don't have all the gear.
We've both been really busy and haven't had time to plan much, but it's only two days and one night and the only thing left to do was figure out what to pack, everything else is handled.
Well I tried to talk to him about it last night, what his thoughts were on food and water (carrying all our water vs. bringing a filter), etc. He got really annoyed about the whole thing and said he wasn't going to have time this week to deal with it, and people shouldn't invite people on a trip and expect them to buy gear for it and have to deal with logistics.
Now I know him very well, and this is just his way of getting out of doing something he doesn't really care to do without being the bad guy.
Basically if I want to do this trip with him, I have to drive, pay for gas, get his gear for him, and arrange for his food and water. He said all he should have to do is show up with his sleeping bag.
I don't have the time or money to sort out gear for him, and I don't really want to. If the situation was reversed he would tell me I need to take care of myself.
Anyhow... I feel kind of like I got punched in the emotional stomach. he's very capable, makes more money than me, and we both work long hours, so when he makes blanket statements that if I invite him to do something with me that means I pay and arrange all the details. But if he asks me to do something, I have to pay my own way and show up prepared, he shouldn't have to do anything to "take care of me". Does that sound like he's just not interested in having a girlfriend?
for Best Advice