Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?
Advice Vixens
Whatcha trying to do, pop the site loaded?
I have to make it a tie between the Carpenters and Air Supply.
I have to make it a tie between the Carpenters and Air Supply.
reply to Keka
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Hmm...so many to list, so little time. Mariah Carey, with her endless octave scatting; Jessica Simpson, because breathiness and tits aren't enough; Celine because while she does have a good voice, her choice of treacley material sucks.
I could list more but those are the major ones of annoyance for me.
I could list more but those are the major ones of annoyance for me.
reply to ehVwon
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I would say Kenny G. And I find Mariah Carey (post Rainbow album) and Celine Dion extremely vanilla.
reply to Allison
send this answer to a friend What about the endless parade of indie chicks saturating the market?
reply to Keka
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Miss E. Jean - you chose my number one -Michael Bolotin - his real name! Whenever I hear him whining I want to slap him and tell him to man up and get on with it!
reply to Phoenix
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Mary wrote: John Tesh.
reply to ehVwon
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Yanni. And the Hoff, we can't forget the Hoff!
reply to ehVwon
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Jewel!!!! I couldn't stay awake to listen to any of her songs. I would cringe if one of her songs came on. "God, I'm going to fall asleep at the wheel!"
They should give people a disclaimer before playing her stuff...
Attention: The following song may inflict harm to your ears. It may also cause nose bleeds, headaches, drowsiness and fatigue. Listen with caution.
They should give people a disclaimer before playing her stuff...
Attention: The following song may inflict harm to your ears. It may also cause nose bleeds, headaches, drowsiness and fatigue. Listen with caution.
reply to Tracey
send this answer to a friendehVwon wrote: Yanni. And the Hoff, we can't forget the Hoff!
Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet?
reply to T.M.Long
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Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet?
reply to T.M.Long
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I think modern day Chicago is way terrible. Over half the real band died like a decade ago, and the dude with the flute solos really needs to chill OUUUUUUUUT:
reply to Franny
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She's famous for horrible reasons, totally lame and a self-proclaimed "singer." The video would make you cringe:
Heidi Montag can really just go away now.
Heidi Montag can really just go away now.
reply to Caroline
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I'm not going to be popular for this one, but I have to say Coldplay/Chris Martin. They just don't do it for me...
reply to Jeanine
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I am reminded of Cole Porter's lyrics....about "only use four-letter words". So anything that can't go at least 2 lines without resorting to four-letter vocabulary.
A string of expletives does not for me consititute a lyric.
Beyond lame.
A string of expletives does not for me consititute a lyric.
Beyond lame.
reply to Claire
send this answer to a friendI'm sad I couldn't find a picture of the guy from Chicago, but here's the dude from Jethro Tull:
I think I'm kind of in love...
I think I'm kind of in love...
reply to Franny
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Connie Chung on her farewell from CBS. I die a little inside every time i hear this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiMvXCp2Qvo
I know she's not a famous singer, but hearing her sing is a reminder of why she never will be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiMvXCp2Qvo
I know she's not a famous singer, but hearing her sing is a reminder of why she never will be.
reply to Sweta
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I cringe when I watch Josh Groban. The voice and talent is there and he is fricking adorable, but he is a lyrical advice column filled with lame lines about mountains and not giving up.
I like to think that when he goes home, he retreats to the pile of money he’s earned from hugging grandmas, counts it as he drinks and smokes, all while he waits for girl of the day to come over. Then he can redeem himself.
I like to think that when he goes home, he retreats to the pile of money he’s earned from hugging grandmas, counts it as he drinks and smokes, all while he waits for girl of the day to come over. Then he can redeem himself.
reply to Angela
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UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!
reply to Lynne
send this answer to a friendThe Pussycat Dolls. Ugh. No talent & everything sounds the same.
And a special shout-out to Fergie Ferg as a close second.
And a special shout-out to Fergie Ferg as a close second.
reply to Kristie
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I kid you not, Lionel Richie opened for Tina Turner at Madison Square Garden some 8 or so years back and sang a new, unreleased single that contained the lines -
Hey there, Cinderella,
you're looking swell - ah
I almost shit myself laughing. Fortunately, this single didn't make it to the radio or I would have had to resort to adult diapers for awhile.
Hey there, Cinderella,
you're looking swell - ah
I almost shit myself laughing. Fortunately, this single didn't make it to the radio or I would have had to resort to adult diapers for awhile.
reply to Laura
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Oh God! I don't even want to consider Heidi Montag a singer, but uhh... *shudders* she will be my choice.
Otherwise, I never liked the Dixie Chicks.
Otherwise, I never liked the Dixie Chicks.
reply to Lilo
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I immediately thought Paris Hilton! When you have done nothing aspiring in your life, and a sex tape is your claim to fame, and the next item on your "To-Do-something-productive-for-once-in-your-life List" is to sing, you should probably try picking up a book first.
reply to Staci
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hmm too many to name... Beyonce anyone? Or whatever the heck she's calling herself these days!
reply to Laura
send this answer to a friendOh, oh! We can't forget JLO! Thank you Mark Anthony for finally knocking her up, so she'd shut the hell up for a while! LOL
reply to Laura
send this answer to a friendLynne wrote:
UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!
reply to Lilo
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UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!Wasn't he the runner-up? Ruben won.
reply to Lilo
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Lame as a wanna be someone he is not...is Justin Timberlake because he tries to be R & B, soul when he is white kid on the block!
Who gets #1 for most lame based on sheer lack of ability to sing? Kevin Federline, the wanna be rapper.
Who gets #1 for most lame based on sheer lack of ability to sing? Kevin Federline, the wanna be rapper.
reply to writingmaniac
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Keka, I hate to admit this, but Air Supply is one of my guilty pleasures. The neighbors are totally sick of hearing me sing "I'M ALL OUTTA LOVE, I'M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU!" naked in the shower. It's shameful, I know.
Clay Aiken is pretty horrendous. As are all the Hanson brothers and Ricky Martin. Ick.
By the way, I'm Colleen...one of the gazillion people who applied for a position!
Clay Aiken is pretty horrendous. As are all the Hanson brothers and Ricky Martin. Ick.
By the way, I'm Colleen...one of the gazillion people who applied for a position!
reply to Colleen
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Lynne wrote:
UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!
reply to Rebecca
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UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!Clay Aiken is more than vanilla, he’s hideous! He didn't actually win American Idol though; he was runner up to Ruben Studdard.
reply to Rebecca
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Oh where do I begin?
Almost anyone who has an album out these days are on my list....
Justin Timberlake,Rihanna,etc et c
Almost anyone who has an album out these days are on my list....
Justin Timberlake,Rihanna,etc et c
reply to Anna
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Yanni as a musician.
Mariah for over-the-top vocalizing.
Kenny G. as a musician.
Any of the boy group boys.
Mariah for over-the-top vocalizing.
Kenny G. as a musician.
Any of the boy group boys.
reply to jeannie`
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Has got to be #1 vanilla ice ice baby.. 5 minutes with him and he would be not so happy..lol stomp my last nerve
reply to Deb
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It's a tie between Englebert Humperdink and Barry Manalow for me...BLEH!
reply to Pamela
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Folk Yeah, Miss Jeanie~
'At the Copa, Copa Banana'~Barry Manilow
ps-MC is one of the few singers who can SING!!
'At the Copa, Copa Banana'~Barry Manilow
ps-MC is one of the few singers who can SING!!
reply to Sabrina
send this answer to a friendHmm. It's a tough call, as there are so many lame musicians out there and, naturally, Michael Bolton is at the top of the list--or is that Kenny G? Either way, suck-o-rama! I would also add my loathing for Bruce Springsteen, which will surely get me booed, but I'm sorry people, this guy will never be the Boss of me!
reply to L
send this answer to a friendLilo wrote: Wasn't he the runner-up? Ruben won.
reply to Lynne
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yes, you are right!! Ruben was so cute---like a big teddy bear, but Clay, not so much...
reply to Lynne
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Lynne wrote: yes, you are right!! Ruben was so cute---like a big teddy bear, but Clay, not so much...
reply to Suzanna
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ejean,
You answered your own question in the phrasing it's Milli Vanilli.
You answered your own question in the phrasing it's Milli Vanilli.
reply to Suzanna
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I use to make up dance routines to Michael Bolton when I was 12.
Hey vixens. New to the site. Thought I would introduce myself. The name is Alex :)
Hey vixens. New to the site. Thought I would introduce myself. The name is Alex :)
reply to Alex
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The ones that really get to me are the squeaky voiced Death Metal guys. It's like Alvin and the Chipmunks having a tantrum.
Another horror; I heard some guy with a voice like Robeson, doing some nursery rhyme rap, like Godzilla taking up origami. Isn't there a law against that?
Another horror; I heard some guy with a voice like Robeson, doing some nursery rhyme rap, like Godzilla taking up origami. Isn't there a law against that?
reply to Paul
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Chris de Burgh--the guy who sang that Lady in Red song. Barf, barf, barf!
Rick Astley--Never Gonna Give You Up. Barf again.
Jessica Simpson
Ashley Tisdale
Rick Astley--Never Gonna Give You Up. Barf again.
Jessica Simpson
Ashley Tisdale
reply to Helena
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Three words: John Friggin' Tesh.
If were locked in a room with John Tesh blasting through the speakers... I don't know... I'd consider puncturing my eardrums.
I mean... how does he get a record contract? How does that happen? If he's the Entertainment Tonight, I think I'll just stay home and watch C-SPAN.
reply to Terrence
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While ALL of these vanilla beans are truly dull and lifeless, it's time to dig a little deeper.
You can add carmel or hot fudge and nuts; you can add raspberry sauce or oreo bits; you can add chocolate chips or sprinkles; you can add high-cut leotards and strategically placed fringe that distracts and leads even a hetero girl's eye to her nether regions, but when all is said and done, vanilla is still vanilla and Madona is still a little catholic girl trying to get her daddy's attention (he wasn't a baseball player, was he?).
Madona has seen her day, made 150 million dollars, written books, masterbated on stage with a cross, thrown out her daughter's clothes when they weren't picked up off the floor (I really like that one), but she is still over-compensating for losing her mom and now it's boring (and kind of pathetic - great bod or not).
I vote for Madona - take away the carmel sauce, sprinkles and swinging fringe and she's just a high-earning has-been who doesn't know it yet.
You can add carmel or hot fudge and nuts; you can add raspberry sauce or oreo bits; you can add chocolate chips or sprinkles; you can add high-cut leotards and strategically placed fringe that distracts and leads even a hetero girl's eye to her nether regions, but when all is said and done, vanilla is still vanilla and Madona is still a little catholic girl trying to get her daddy's attention (he wasn't a baseball player, was he?).
Madona has seen her day, made 150 million dollars, written books, masterbated on stage with a cross, thrown out her daughter's clothes when they weren't picked up off the floor (I really like that one), but she is still over-compensating for losing her mom and now it's boring (and kind of pathetic - great bod or not).
I vote for Madona - take away the carmel sauce, sprinkles and swinging fringe and she's just a high-earning has-been who doesn't know it yet.
reply to Kari
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T.M.Long wrote:
Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet?
reply to Sara
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Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet? Haha Best, WORST picture of the Hoff...do you remember when he sang on America's Got Talent? It was embarassing. Almost as embarassing as this:
reply to Sara
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My vote goes to Hootie and the Blowfish. Could a Black man possibly have less soul?! Thank the gods their 15 minutes is ovah!
reply to Evette
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T.M.Long wrote:
Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet?
reply to Adrianne
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Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet? I know someone who worked at a restaurant next to the theatre where the Hoff was performing Jekyll and Hyde (rent the DVD for some major laughs). The Hoff and company used to go there for dinner before the show and for drinks afterward. One night, he got so wasted, he fell down the stairs in the restaurant and puked on, then pissed himself.
Classic.
Classic.
reply to Adrianne
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Oh my gosh, I can't stop laughing. That pic of Hasselhoff is ridiculous. Then, it's posted like a million times! What are you trying to do to me???? My kids are like... what's wrong with mommy?
My add to the list? Miss America, Vanessa Williams. I cringe at the thought of listening to her and watching her make that 'I'm so into it' face.
My add to the list? Miss America, Vanessa Williams. I cringe at the thought of listening to her and watching her make that 'I'm so into it' face.
reply to Isoke
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Let's see Nilli Vanilli..singing back-up for Bolton? :-)
reply to Elizabeth
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What what what? How could you all forget??
NICK LACHEY!! Even his woe is me divorce song was boring and soul-less.
Dianne Warren - for it is she who writes all this treacly shit that all sing.
And of course there are the psuedo rawk!! bands who can't even rock me out of my sleep like Good Charlotte who sing a song about rich attention whores and then their front men go and hook up with THE two biggest ones. You'd never see Johnny Rotten doing that!
NICK LACHEY!! Even his woe is me divorce song was boring and soul-less.
Dianne Warren - for it is she who writes all this treacly shit that all sing.
And of course there are the psuedo rawk!! bands who can't even rock me out of my sleep like Good Charlotte who sing a song about rich attention whores and then their front men go and hook up with THE two biggest ones. You'd never see Johnny Rotten doing that!
reply to D
send this answer to a friendAdrianne wrote: Lest we forget Canadians:
reply to ehVwon
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I LOVE Michael Buble. Love.
reply to ehVwon
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Well geese, I think it goes without saying...Clay Aiken.
At least when Michael Bolton stops singing, he may find work as Kevin Costner's body double...that is, if Kevin Costner finds work as an actor.
At least when Michael Bolton stops singing, he may find work as Kevin Costner's body double...that is, if Kevin Costner finds work as an actor.
reply to John
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The most boring, lame and vanilla? Gotta say that Michael Bolton sort of impresses me with his vocal thrusts. Don't dig the sounds at all but seriously, that man sings with so much gusto I think he should be on the political ticket and be a added as an additional form of alternative energy to wind power. Seriously, he really busts it out even though I don't dig the tunes.
But in terms of lameness, and vanilla-ness. As in a dude who isn't just bad but blends with the wallpaper, a total snoozer. Hands down gotta go for Barry Manilow.
But in terms of lameness, and vanilla-ness. As in a dude who isn't just bad but blends with the wallpaper, a total snoozer. Hands down gotta go for Barry Manilow.
reply to Shannon
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ASHLEE SIMPSON MAKES ME GAG!!! Just have your baby and NEVER SING AGAIN...
reply to Heather
send this answer to a friendGood morning, all - such a stimulating question. I never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to look at several photos of David Hasselhoff in a Speedo at such an early hour. It was funny the first, second, and third time, with each successive shot giving me the distinct feeling that someone is sticking their finger right into that soft gag point at the back of my throat...
Anyhow, I'd like to dis the entertainers who do these horrid R&B/rap ballad hybrid songs with the electronic voice alterations collaged over ridiculous vocal pyrotechnics. Many such songs include heavy breathing and the lyrics are always completely uninspired. KnowwhutImean?
When do we get to talk about who we LIKE? That would be fun too. I'm thinking I could have my eyes opened to many new artists by you wise and tasteful vixens. - Melissa
Anyhow, I'd like to dis the entertainers who do these horrid R&B/rap ballad hybrid songs with the electronic voice alterations collaged over ridiculous vocal pyrotechnics. Many such songs include heavy breathing and the lyrics are always completely uninspired. KnowwhutImean?
When do we get to talk about who we LIKE? That would be fun too. I'm thinking I could have my eyes opened to many new artists by you wise and tasteful vixens. - Melissa
reply to Melissa Lynn
send this answer to a friendSuzanna wrote: ejean,
You answered your own question in the phrasing it's Milli Vanilli.
reply to Melissa Lynn
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Can a person of color be "vanilla?" Or does having a non-vanilla ethnicity automatically make one more interesting?
reply to Melissa Lynn
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I think I'll have to go with Kenny G. on this one. That perm, that sax - I shudder just thinking about it!! That awful song from the 90s, "Forever In Love", makes me want to throw things...
reply to gina
send this answer to a friendMelissa Lynn wrote: Can a person of color be "vanilla?" Or does having a non-vanilla ethnicity automatically make one more interesting?
reply to Isoke
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Great question, because I chose Vanessa Williams. I think that some singers of the ethnic quality are definitely of the cheesy variety.
How do we define "vanilla"?
How do we define "vanilla"?
reply to Isoke
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Yes, I KNOW Bobby D. is a legend. And a poet and a whimsical mind of artistic genius...
But.
I think his singing is like nails on a chalkboard.
Just sayin'!
reply to Abby
send this answer to a friendOh but also, really good call on Clay Aiken! There are TONS of vanilla singers that come outta American Idol. They sound like they should be singing in elevators of lame hotels. Perhaps, even motels.
reply to Abby
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Ersatz wrote:
Harry Connick Junior. Sorry to say he creeps me out.
Thank you Vixettes for the great photos of Vanilla Ice, Hasselhoff, David Bolton, and Clay Aitken. I had some great fun passing them on to girlfriends.
reply to Ersatz
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Thank you Vixettes for the great photos of Vanilla Ice, Hasselhoff, David Bolton, and Clay Aitken. I had some great fun passing them on to girlfriends.
reply to Ersatz
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Michael Bolton was much more interesting with the mullet going on.
reply to MJ
send this answer to a friendAbby wrote:
Yes, I KNOW Bobby D. is a legend. And a poet and a whimsical mind of artistic genius...
But.
I think his singing is like nails on a chalkboard.
Just sayin'!
reply to MJ
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Yes, I KNOW Bobby D. is a legend. And a poet and a whimsical mind of artistic genius...
But.
I think his singing is like nails on a chalkboard.
Just sayin'!I'm personally offended.
reply to MJ
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Lest we forget Don Johnson's attempt at Pop stardom. All he sang throughout the song was "Heartbeat" (ok it was the title of the song, but come on add some lyrics)- hell I could do that- and I can actually carry a tune.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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OK, I know that no one mentioned any of the following because you'd love to forget they even exist and are basically taking over the radio/tv/film world.....READY?:
1. Hannah Montana and/or Miley Cyrus (huh?)
2. The godforsaken Jonas Brothers
3. Any HSM1, HSM2, and HSM3 actor/wannabe singer, particularly ZAC EFRON (double huh?); and
4. Cheetah girls
Tune in folks, it's all boring, all vanilla, all lame, ALL the time, guaranteed :)
1. Hannah Montana and/or Miley Cyrus (huh?)
2. The godforsaken Jonas Brothers
3. Any HSM1, HSM2, and HSM3 actor/wannabe singer, particularly ZAC EFRON (double huh?); and
4. Cheetah girls
Tune in folks, it's all boring, all vanilla, all lame, ALL the time, guaranteed :)
reply to Janet
send this answer to a friendIsoke wrote: Great question, because I chose Vanessa Williams. I think that some singers of the ethnic quality are definitely of the cheesy variety.
How do we define "vanilla"?
"Vanilla" (according to the Urban Dictionary):
1 - a type of foodstuff grown in a pod
2 - straight down the line, boring sex, with as little foreplay as possible, the kind of sex that the Catholic Church (proud sponsors of this year's Republican party) want you to have, if you have to have sex at all, and if you're married.
3 - The opposite of kinky. Not in any way involved with BDSM
4 - Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
reply to Keka
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"Vanilla" (according to the Urban Dictionary):
1 - a type of foodstuff grown in a pod
2 - straight down the line, boring sex, with as little foreplay as possible, the kind of sex that the Catholic Church (proud sponsors of this year's Republican party) want you to have, if you have to have sex at all, and if you're married.
3 - The opposite of kinky. Not in any way involved with BDSM
4 - Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
reply to Keka
send this answer to a friendJanet wrote: OK, I know that no one mentioned any of the following because you'd love to forget they even exist and are basically taking over the radio/tv/film world.....READY?:
1. Hannah Montana and/or Miley Cyrus (huh?)
2. The godforsaken Jonas Brothers
3. Any HSM1, HSM2, and HSM3 actor/wannabe singer, particularly ZAC EFRON (double huh?); and
4. Cheetah girls
Tune in folks, it's all boring, all vanilla, all lame, ALL the time, guaranteed :)
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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Oh God, Hannah Montana- if I see one more flip-flop, watch, t-shirt, watch, you name it, at Wal-Mart, I will stab myself with a spork. Here, at least, she's taken over the entire store.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
send this answer to a friendKeka wrote:
"Vanilla" (according to the Urban Dictionary):
1 - a type of foodstuff grown in a pod
2 - straight down the line, boring sex, with as little foreplay as possible, the kind of sex that the Catholic Church (proud sponsors of this year's Republican party) want you to have, if you have to have sex at all, and if you're married.
3 - The opposite of kinky. Not in any way involved with BDSM
4 - Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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Everyone may refer to me as "Vanilla Beth," from now on.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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I have GOT to go with Barry Manilow. I'm sorry, he's just TOO over-the-top lame!!
reply to Amy
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Didn't William Shatner thrill the masses on an LP once with his take on "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds"?
reply to Elizabeth
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Jessica thinks Miss Jean is right on the money! Michael Bolton: OK, this was easy. C'mon, you knew Mr. Bolton would top the list. Who else can take a love song and turn it into a hernia? When a man loves a woman he doesn't do so by screaming in her ear--so why should it be acceptable for a man to sing a sensitive love song as if he's directing traffic for the hearing impaired? R&B classics deserve their place in musical history and should be protected from this man's desecration of all that is holy. It's only right. Let's make it a law.
reply to Jessica
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First of all, let me say, as a trained singer, that part of my soul died when Michael released his classical album. It was a nightmare. It was worse than a nightmare. It was an effing joke of catastrophic proportions. Also, let me just say that I love that line from the movie "Office Space"... the one that refers to Michael Bolton as a "no-talent assclown". Everytime I hear it, I die all over again!
OK.. this is a little bit mean. But I'm going to put it out there. Scarlett Johansson CANNOT sing. I listened to part of her new demo, and it was so horrific my skin started peeling off. Seriously. Just because you're already famous does not mean that you should just release an album because you feel like it.
OK.. this is a little bit mean. But I'm going to put it out there. Scarlett Johansson CANNOT sing. I listened to part of her new demo, and it was so horrific my skin started peeling off. Seriously. Just because you're already famous does not mean that you should just release an album because you feel like it.
reply to Ali Q.
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As far as the male singer variety I am going to go with all the "musicians" my fifty-four year old mother has an affinity for: Michael Bolton(mentioned a trillion times already but he is just that boring and vanilla that he deserves a trillion and one mention), Barry Manilow, Michael McDonald, Paul Anka, Kenny Rogers, Frankie Valli, The Bee Gees(ultimate blech-any man or group of men that can intentionally make their voices reach the decible of a 12 year old boy post-nut kicking can not be taken seriously as musicians), Neil Diamond, and David Hasselhoff(Is even famous in Germany anymore? I think after the fall of the Berlin Wall and that heinous flashbulb leather jacket the hoff sported, they have to have wisened up).
If I think of more I will surely get back to you guys!
If I think of more I will surely get back to you guys!
reply to Elizabeth
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Hello? Celine Dion? Anyone??
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
reply to Jen
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Hello? Celine Dion? Anyone??
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendJen wrote: Hello? Celine Dion? Anyone??
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
reply to Sheela
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Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks. I needed that.
reply to Sheela
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Avril what's-her-face. Is she famous? Regardless - she shouldn't be!
reply to Bella
send this answer to a friendJen wrote: Hello? Celine Dion? Anyone??
I can't believe no one mentioned her! She is THE Queen of Lame to King Michael-so-vanilla-I'd-rather-stick-bamboo shoots-under-my-fingernails-than-listen-to-him-Bolton.
I mean REALLY! Did you all switch to decaf?
reply to ehVwon
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I mentioned her.
reply to ehVwon
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Kari wrote: While ALL of these vanilla beans are truly dull and lifeless, it's time to dig a little deeper.
You can add carmel or hot fudge and nuts; you can add raspberry sauce or oreo bits; you can add chocolate chips or sprinkles; you can add high-cut leotards and strategically placed fringe that distracts and leads even a hetero girl's eye to her nether regions, but when all is said and done, vanilla is still vanilla and Madona is still a little catholic girl trying to get her daddy's attention (he wasn't a baseball player, was he?).
Madona has seen her day, made 150 million dollars, written books, masterbated on stage with a cross, thrown out her daughter's clothes when they weren't picked up off the floor (I really like that one), but she is still over-compensating for losing her mom and now it's boring (and kind of pathetic - great bod or not).
I vote for Madona - take away the carmel sauce, sprinkles and swinging fringe and she's just a high-earning has-been who doesn't know it yet.
reply to Tawanda
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After many years of being an unapologetic, truly dedicated Madonna fan, its time to throw in the towel. For years she demanded my attention and I have to admit, I was compelled to give it to her. Album after album, music video after music video, I was there, lapping it up.
In recent years, her obsessive desire to prove that she is still relevant has shown an ego gone out of control. The machine replicates and churns out the same songs with.....Justin Timberlake? Why oh why Madonna did it have to end like this?!
She may still look hot, but her flavor is decidedly vanilla. It takes a true ex-fan to be able to say that!
In recent years, her obsessive desire to prove that she is still relevant has shown an ego gone out of control. The machine replicates and churns out the same songs with.....Justin Timberlake? Why oh why Madonna did it have to end like this?!
She may still look hot, but her flavor is decidedly vanilla. It takes a true ex-fan to be able to say that!
reply to Tawanda
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Barry Manilow. It used to be just his voice that made my eyes itch, but now his face offends just as strongly.
reply to anne
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yes! it IS michael bore-me bolton!! what an overrated stomach turner!
reply to marci
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How is it that Billy Ray Cyrus isn't on this list yet?
He can take his achy breaky heart for a ride on the one hit wonder train to anywhere but here.
He can take his achy breaky heart for a ride on the one hit wonder train to anywhere but here.
reply to Juliet
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Ladies, do you want to cuddle this little pop puppy monster or chain him to the irrelevant cultural doghouse?
Please say doghouse.
reply to Corey
send this answer to a friendSheela wrote: Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks. I needed that.
reply to Jen
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My pleasure!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendSheela wrote: Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks. I needed that.
reply to Jen
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My pleasure!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendSheela wrote: Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks. I needed that.
reply to Jen
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My pleasure, darlin'!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendSheela wrote: Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks. I needed that.
reply to Jen
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My pleasure, darlin'!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendJuliet wrote: How is it that Billy Ray Cyrus isn't on this list yet?
He can take his achy breaky heart for a ride on the one hit wonder train to anywhere but here.
reply to Bella
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She said they had to be famous :P
reply to Bella
send this answer to a friendehVwon wrote: I mentioned her.
reply to Jen
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Sorry Theresa, I didn't catch that one!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendehVwon wrote: I mentioned her.
reply to Jen
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Sorry Theresa, I didn't catch that one!
reply to Jen
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Of all time? Lawrence Welk and every performer who ever walked across his stage. But for those of you who weren't tortured by your grandparents with this required viewing, I'd like to include Tiny Tim, David Hasselhoff, Kenny G, and Conway Twitty.
And for women, she's not boring, vanilla, but so overdone and so not a singer - Paris Hilton. Can she please just focus on being socialite?
And for women, she's not boring, vanilla, but so overdone and so not a singer - Paris Hilton. Can she please just focus on being socialite?
reply to Kristi
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Amy, I'm going to have to agree with you on Barry Manilow! Something about the man just irks me...it could be that he never ages.
And, although he is technically an actor, I have always loathed Kevin Costner. It must be the monitone voice. Or, it could be his choice in roles. Anyone see "Open Range?" Horrifying!
And, although he is technically an actor, I have always loathed Kevin Costner. It must be the monitone voice. Or, it could be his choice in roles. Anyone see "Open Range?" Horrifying!
reply to Kelly
send this answer to a friendKelly wrote: Amy, I'm going to have to agree with you on Barry Manilow! Something about the man just irks me...it could be that he never ages.
And, although he is technically an actor, I have always loathed Kevin Costner. It must be the monitone voice. Or, it could be his choice in roles. Anyone see "Open Range?" Horrifying!
reply to ehVwon
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I agree with you on Costner, he's talentless, but man, he's handsome.
reply to ehVwon
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I'd have to say Adam Levine of Maroon 5. I used to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Adam and Maroon 5 but, all of a sudden, it's like they've lost their cajones. Their music went from totally hot to totally NOT!
reply to Marnie
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I'll be blunt my dear, James Blunt that is. For the life of me I cannot comprehend his sexy status - ugh, how desperate is the world getting when a mousey haired, tooth decayed guy is topping the charts?!
reply to Jocelyn
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What a day for this question. This just came out, and it's... well, it's painful.
Hilary Duff - Reach Out - Official Music Video Premiere
She is just so dull and flat! I keep watching it wanting it to be alright... didn't she used to be good? At least sort of? But there's no personality whatsoever. Hilary Duff, you are not my personal jesus.
Hilary Duff - Reach Out - Official Music Video Premiere
She is just so dull and flat! I keep watching it wanting it to be alright... didn't she used to be good? At least sort of? But there's no personality whatsoever. Hilary Duff, you are not my personal jesus.
reply to Mallory
send this answer to a friendJocelyn wrote: I'll be blunt my dear, James Blunt that is. For the life of me I cannot comprehend his sexy status - ugh, how desperate is the world getting when a mousey haired, tooth decayed guy is topping the charts?!
reply to ehVwon
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Pablum appeals to the masses.
reply to ehVwon
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I second the no talent pussycat dolls.
And Rhianna, while I do like some of her songs, reminds me of a sexless robot.
And Rhianna, while I do like some of her songs, reminds me of a sexless robot.
reply to Blondie
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I'm sorry, but you just cannot be a tough-guy when you sing about "bubblegum tongues," also, for a guy who sings such lovey, romantic songs, I think he's kind of a skeezy womanizer.
reply to Cyrese
send this answer to a friendGood job everyone!
You had me gagging through the entire list!
You had me gagging through the entire list!
reply to Leslie
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I'm on the same page as many of you with Michael Bolton being boring as the day is long.....always was and always will be! It's no wonder that Nicolette Sheridan dumped him twice in a lifetime....ishhhhh he is way too vanilla, he makes me gag! Why she ever went back for seconds, is just whack.
reply to Just Jules
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Mandy Moore, Willa Ford, Hilary Duff, Newfound Glory, and Nick Carter all make bleeding out slowly sound appealing.
reply to Arianne
send this answer to a friendAdrianne wrote: Lest we forget Canadians:
reply to Jocelyn
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But I L-O-V-E me some Buble! I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one, my friend :)
reply to Jocelyn
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The one that will forever hold a place in the history books for reaching a mindboggling celeb status in the music business, even if for just a short time, is William Hung from American Idol. When I learned he had a Cd out and was becoming a household name swaying his hips and singing "She bangs, she bangs" I decided global warming is impacting more than our environment....it's impacting our brains. If William Hung can become a star, then I hate to see who's next. And to be bold, I admit, I love Michael Bolton. I bet I'll get a lot of cyberspace pies in the face for that one!!!!!
reply to Diane
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I am totally going to have to go with Regis Philbin, lol. And John Tesh.
reply to Brad
send this answer to a friendI am totally going to have to go with Regis Philbin, lol. And John Tesh.
reply to Brad
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T.M.Long wrote:
Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet?
reply to Michael
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Why hasn't anyone informed him that he's gay yet? It's because he's too busy being drunk and being unable to finish cheeseburgers, whilst his daughter berates him for being an alcoholic.
reply to Michael
send this answer to a friendWow, I really never realized there were so many vanilla singers out there. I'd have to go with Josh Groban on this one. He hurts me.
reply to Blythe
send this answer to a friendehVwon wrote: I LOVE Michael Buble. Love.
reply to Adrianne
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I loved him, too... when he was FRANK SINATRA.
reply to Adrianne
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Chad Kroeger. Surprise, he's Canadian. What a cliche rock voice.
And he's so vanilla.
And he's so vanilla.
reply to nicole
send this answer to a friendSo maybe I'm a little off with this, but it doesn't say that it has to be an American singer, so here I go. Fillip Kirkorov. He's like the Michael Jackson of Russia, but he really can't sing. Personally I think that the only reason why he became famous was because he married one of Russia's most known singers at the time, who was 20 years his senior (or something close to that age gap). Point is he's lame, but for some reason those Russians love him. If Michael Jackson and Boy George would have ever figured out a way to conceive a child together, this would be him.
[URL=http://imageshack.us][IMG]http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/1497/kirkorov073ee8.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://g.imageshack.us/img375/kirkorov073ee8.jpg/1/][IMG]http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/kirkorov073ee8.jpg/1/w702.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imageshack.us][IMG]http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/1497/kirkorov073ee8.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://g.imageshack.us/img375/kirkorov073ee8.jpg/1/][IMG]http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/kirkorov073ee8.jpg/1/w702.png[/IMG][/URL]
reply to Ellina
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THANK YOU JEN.
I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn't believe Saline Dumbon didn't get the nod. Such an ANNOYING woman.
Must say, she has a voice that won't quit, so I can only listen to her if she's nowhere to be seen.
I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn't believe Saline Dumbon didn't get the nod. Such an ANNOYING woman.
Must say, she has a voice that won't quit, so I can only listen to her if she's nowhere to be seen.
reply to Marguerite13
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In addition to Celine Dion and Michael Bolton (I totally agree!) I'd like to add Barbra Streisand along with two singers my parents used to play cassettes of on our long car rides to the mountains--Crystal Gayle and Neil Sedaka--were they trying to kill me??
I'd also like to put a vote in for some more contemporary bands...Sugar Ray and more recently, The Jonas Brothers. I am also not a John Mayer fan. I'd even go as far to call him vanilla.
I'd also like to put a vote in for some more contemporary bands...Sugar Ray and more recently, The Jonas Brothers. I am also not a John Mayer fan. I'd even go as far to call him vanilla.
reply to Kelly
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Corey wrote:
Ladies, do you want to cuddle this little pop puppy monster or chain him to the irrelevant cultural doghouse?
Please say doghouse.
reply to Gigi
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Ladies, do you want to cuddle this little pop puppy monster or chain him to the irrelevant cultural doghouse?
Please say doghouse. Oh my. He looks like he bleeds whole milk.
reply to Gigi
send this answer to a friendMJ wrote: Michael Bolton was much more interesting with the mullet going on.
reply to Gigi
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That's because Hair Club For Men was his biggest sponsor.
reply to Gigi
send this answer to a friendLynne wrote:
UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!
reply to Gigi
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UGH! Cheeze louise, give us a break already Clay....
Have no idea how this guy won American Idol!!The Clay-bot should be detroyed! He totally ruined good Monty Python for me!! Grrrrrr, Aiken, Grrrrr!!!! I hope the baby goes poo on his best designer ruffle-sleeved shirt!!
*assumes Sarah Palin hunting position*
*assumes Sarah Palin hunting position*
reply to Gigi
send this answer to a friendI find Clay's hair and eyebrows much more offensive than his warbling.
reply to ehVwon
send this answer to a friendStaci wrote: I immediately thought Paris Hilton! When you have done nothing aspiring in your life, and a sex tape is your claim to fame, and the next item on your "To-Do-something-productive-for-once-in-your-life List" is to sing, you should probably try picking up a book first.
reply to Kent
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I totally agree; this is of course assuming Ms. Hilton has heard of books.
reply to Kent
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Dear E Jean... Celine Dion. I don't know why... she just really annoys me. I mean pisses me off! Some time ago she performed a version of, I think it was an AC/DC song or Led Zepp. I know I can't remember the actual song because I wiped it from my memory banks...
You're probably saying, "Then why the hell did you watch?!" But it was akin to watching a horror show, I couldn't take my eyes off of the telly, but she really was soooo bad. She was doing the "fist pumps" and rock stance. Oh the horror... the horror...
You're probably saying, "Then why the hell did you watch?!" But it was akin to watching a horror show, I couldn't take my eyes off of the telly, but she really was soooo bad. She was doing the "fist pumps" and rock stance. Oh the horror... the horror...
reply to Jackie
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Whitney Houston (one boring power ballad after another)
Mariah Carey (her songs all sound the same)
Clay Aiken (he's just Barry Manilow except admits he's gay)
Pussycat Dolls (besides the lead singer... I wouldn't know any of them if I saw them on the street)
Mariah Carey (her songs all sound the same)
Clay Aiken (he's just Barry Manilow except admits he's gay)
Pussycat Dolls (besides the lead singer... I wouldn't know any of them if I saw them on the street)
reply to Kevin
send this answer to a friendWhitney Houston (one boring power ballad after another)
Mariah Carey (her songs all sound the same)
Clay Aiken (he's just Barry Manilow except admits he's gay)
Pussycat Dolls (besides the lead singer... I wouldn't know any of them if I saw them on the street)
Mariah Carey (her songs all sound the same)
Clay Aiken (he's just Barry Manilow except admits he's gay)
Pussycat Dolls (besides the lead singer... I wouldn't know any of them if I saw them on the street)
reply to Kevin
send this answer to a friendKristi wrote: Of all time? Lawrence Welk and every performer who ever walked across his stage. But for those of you who weren't tortured by your grandparents with this required viewing, I'd like to include Tiny Tim, David Hasselhoff, Kenny G, and Conway Twitty.
And for women, she's not boring, vanilla, but so overdone and so not a singer - Paris Hilton. Can she please just focus on being socialite?
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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I was subjected to Lawrence Welk almost every Saturday night when I was in my teens. My elderly neighbor loved all of the kids in the neighborhood, so she would make dinner, have candy on hand, but when everyone else was finished eating, they'd bolt out the door. I was left to watch his show, thanks to PBS. I felt bad and couldn't leave- yes bad singers, but when you mentioned his name it brought back warm memories, in an odd sort of way. I really do need to stop the Xanax don't I?
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
send this answer to a friendKelly wrote: In addition to Celine Dion and Michael Bolton (I totally agree!) I'd like to add Barbra Streisand along with two singers my parents used to play cassettes of on our long car rides to the mountains--Crystal Gayle and Neil Sedaka--were they trying to kill me??
I'd also like to put a vote in for some more contemporary bands...Sugar Ray and more recently, The Jonas Brothers. I am also not a John Mayer fan. I'd even go as far to call him vanilla.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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Hey- at least you didn't have parents who played Captain and Tennille over and over. Oh and my mom's "man" as she calls him, the great Willie Nelson. He's cool in the fact that he basically says screw it, I'm me, I smoke pot and don't pay my taxes, but his voice makes me want to pluck my armpit hairs out one by one.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
send this answer to a friendTheresa,
completely agreed on Costner. I was a youngin when I had a schoolgirl crush on him after seeing "Dances With Wolves." Too bad his acting talent doesn't match his looks.
completely agreed on Costner. I was a youngin when I had a schoolgirl crush on him after seeing "Dances With Wolves." Too bad his acting talent doesn't match his looks.
reply to Kelly
send this answer to a friendHey Jean,
Truth be told...I can't stand Michael Bolton and I'm no Claymate either. Also, although I love his movies, Patrick Swayze sure does have some annoyingly sappy songs.
Truth be told...I can't stand Michael Bolton and I'm no Claymate either. Also, although I love his movies, Patrick Swayze sure does have some annoyingly sappy songs.
reply to Theodora
send this answer to a friendI have to admit that I find Michael Bolton attractive nowadays.
Is that wrong?
I hate his music, BTW.
Is that wrong?
I hate his music, BTW.
reply to Blondie
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Fergie, Jessica Simpson and though she isn't vanilla, Jennifer Lopez SUCKS to an embarassing degree!
reply to Sonia
send this answer to a friendPierce Brosnan may have been 007, but his singing ability is 000. I felt like stabbing myself with a Remington Steele every time he opened his mouth in Mamma Mia. He's the hot (older) babe who shouldn't open his mouth, because it might spoil the fantasy.
reply to Sister
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Hands down ..[drum roll puh-lease] Ms. Paula-motha freakin- Abdul! Oh ,where do I start , oh yes, that's right, her video with the CARTOON CAT! Need I say more! I think her lameness is made most evident when compared to the length of her singing career. However , there is no need to hate on Ms. Abdul , I can't wait for her next solo singing venture. I am praying for a duet video between her and "Stewie" from Family Guy, one could only be so lucky!
reply to Lauren
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TOM FREAKIN JONES!!
It's not unusal to see me cry...
I wanna die!
OMG Shoot me now!!
LMAO!!!
It's not unusal to see me cry...
I wanna die!
OMG Shoot me now!!
LMAO!!!
reply to Sexcee
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My mantra is "don't be afraid of anything." So, at the risk of making multitudes of soft-rock-loving-ladies hideously angry, I have to say it: John Mayer. His uninventive, commercial, formulaic songs are made all the worse by the fact that he's a better musician than he lets on, and knows how awful his music is. My advice for you, John Mayer: Become a part of the solution, not the problem.
reply to Samantha
send this answer to a friendElizabeth wrote: Didn't William Shatner thrill the masses on an LP once with his take on "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds"?
reply to Samantha
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I'm sorry, but while you can hate William Shatner, vanilla he is not.
reply to Samantha
send this answer to a friendMarguerite13 wrote: THANK YOU JEN.
I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn't believe Saline Dumbon didn't get the nod. Such an ANNOYING woman.
Must say, she has a voice that won't quit, so I can only listen to her if she's nowhere to be seen.
reply to Jen
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Hey Marguerite - I'm in the market for a new best friend and I think she could be you! I love your posts!
reply to Jen
send this answer to a friendMarguerite13 wrote: THANK YOU JEN.
I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn't believe Saline Dumbon didn't get the nod. Such an ANNOYING woman.
Must say, she has a voice that won't quit, so I can only listen to her if she's nowhere to be seen.
reply to Jen
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Hey Marguerite - I'm in the market for a new best friend and I think she could be you! I love your posts!
reply to Jen
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Mikey started out as a song writer for other people. Maybe he was craving the limelight but he should have stayed behind the scenes. That bushy long hair makes him look older. It's not the 70's anymore!
reply to Katie
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After listening to Alicia keys last work, I have to say she is closely playing with lameness lately.
reply to Keka
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posted 11/18/08 7:24pm by D
214 comments; last 03/10/09 9:05PM - Who is the most boring, vanilla, horrifyingly lame famous singer?
Here is my choice:
Who is on your list? view
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150 comments; last 11/10/08 7:19PM - Hi, everyone, I have been fascinated by the various philosophical discussions at Advice Vixens and finally got around to joining.
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