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Advice Vixens

Vixens! Just went through a breakup and am in dire need of some Vixen TLC. Ugh!

I was with my (now ex) bf for 3 years. For the last 4 months we were struggling, sort going back and forth, on and off. The relationship wasn't going anywhere, he was hesitant to commit, but then again, didn't want to break up with me either. It was like no-man's-land. I'm 35, he's 47.

So, Finally, last week I sat him down, explained that I can't go on like this, that our relationship clearly isn't headed anywhere... basically, I broke it off. Well, he called, he emailed, professed his undying love, wrote me emails, text messages, left voice-mails that he can't live without me - that he's ready to commit... I didn't respond to any of it. For me it's over. I just sent him an email on Sunday saying that I think that the break-up was for the best and asked him to stop contacting me. He wrote back "I'll always love you, I'll prove my love to you, I won't give up on us.."

Ok! So! Last night, around midnight I get this text message:
"Hey! Just informing you I have a new girlfriend. She's gorgeous, so much skinnier than you. I think she could be The One. This is goodby forever. I won't be contacting you again as I'm so happy with my new girlfriend."

WTF????? I admit, it freaked me out. Not that I want to get back together with him again, and not that I'm jealous... but still. Come on! What was that all about? Why write me such a cruel text message? On some level, I know he's bound to have a new gf, but it's not like I want the 411 on him and his new lady love...

I'm just stressed out and hurting right now! Vixens, what is going on here? Should I reply anything to his text? I just ignored it!

Am in need of some Vixen love my darlings!

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    Are you serious? He actually wrote that?

    reply to Alek
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    He actually wrote that! Yes I am serious!

    reply to anonymous
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    He sounds bitter as hell! lol! Obviously this is hard for him too. I think it's funny the way people go about trying to prove that they don't "need" or "miss" someone. What a failed attempt. Please don't respond. Leave well enough alone!

    reply to DaShanda
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    D
    E.G.O. His ego is hurt. I bet you that girlfriend exists like Snow White exists - in his imagination, but likely his girlfriend is more like Slush White aka hired!

    Anyway, the guy has proved he's 47 going on 17 and not worth your time. He said what he said to hurt you and you're letting him. And you'll be hurt, and then go rushing back to him...and he'll get you back and "prove" his love to you.

    Don't. Don't do it. Don't fall for his bullshit. If he wasn't what you needed when you were IN the relationship, then he's definitely not what you need when you're OUT of the relationship.

    Frankly, I've always said that if a couple breaks up once, they should stay broken up, because that's the truth right there. Obviously, there are rare exceptions, but the two times I've ever gone back to try to make it work with someone, I was reminded why I made that rule for myself.


    reply to D
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    He's 47? Are you sure he's not 17?

    reply to Lela
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    Honestly?

    I WOULD reply, simply with, "Awesome, I hope you two are happy together! Goodbye!"

    or

    "Well then it's a good thing I dumped you so you could explore skinnier and more gorgeous horizons!" Then make some crazy comment about how deranged and small his pecker is.

    But I'm vindictive like that. I'm not usually very good at getting my feelings hurt, so I tend to deal with it by being sarcastic and rude. Definitely NOT for everyone.

    He's CLEARLY doing that with the intention to hurt you. Regardless of whether or not it's genuinely how you feel, responding back with something light and witty will probably give him the OPPOSITE of what he's looking for.

    In any case, I'm sure it did really hurt, and I'm sorry he was such a douche bag about it. Not drudging it on really was probably the best choice, considering he was attempting to get a rise out of you. Ignoring it will not only keep it from escalating any further, but will enable you to keep control of the situation. I would only reply in any other way if you feel a strong need for closure off of what he said to you. If you don't, then ignoring him, I think, was probably best.

    Good luck and take good care of yourself. I'm sure now more than ever you are happy you ended it. And off of his recent behavior, just keep reminding yourself about how much better off you are without that in your life.

    reply to Amber
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    Thanks DaShanda! Yeah, I guess it is an LOL moment, but when I read it, it sort of stung. Even though I know it's him just lashing out, "new gf" or no new gf... Still, so low, so mean-spirited, so ACK! Yuck! Ew!

    reply to anonymous
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    D wrote: E.G.O. His ego is hurt. I bet you that girlfriend exists like Snow White exists - in his imagination, but likely his girlfriend is more like Slush White aka hired! Anyway, the guy has proved he's 47 going on 17 and not worth your time. He said what he said to hurt you and you're letting him. And you'll be hurt, and then go rushing back to him...and he'll get you back and "prove" his love to you. Don't. Don't do it. Don't fall for his bullshit. If he wasn't what you needed when you were IN the relationship, then he's definitely not what you need when you're OUT of the relationship. Frankly, I've always said that if a couple breaks up once, they should stay broken up, because that's the truth right there. Obviously, there are rare exceptions, but the two times I've ever gone back to try to make it work with someone, I was reminded why I made that rule for myself.

    Ooops! Great minds think alike. I hadn't read your post when I had posted mine!

    reply to Lela
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    Here's your response:

    "So glad that you have found Happiness in this new path of life. I am so relieved, since it frees me of the guilt I was feeling.
    Since we are exchanging whatsups, let me also tell you that I also have a new love toy in my life. He is young, hot, handsome and a bit overly anxious to please me.
    The only thing that worries me is that he is a bit, well, strongly endowed. But I am sure as time goes by, I'll get a hold of it.
    Big hug, my forever friend."

    reply to Keka
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    anonymous wrote: Thanks DaShanda! Yeah, I guess it is an LOL moment, but when I read it, it sort of stung. Even though I know it's him just lashing out, "new gf" or no new gf... Still, so low, so mean-spirited, so ACK! Yuck! Ew!

    Personally, I think you are well rid of someone so shallow, immature and emotionally bankrupt. How freakin' ridiculous that a 47 year old man would behave in such a juvenile way.

    reply to Lela
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    What he did was whatever he could think of to hurt you back, because you hurt him.

    It is WAY too soon after your break-up for this man to have a new - and better - girlfriend. I'd put my money on it being a big fat immature LIE.

    The best thing you can do is to do nothing. He clearly wanted to get a reaction out of you. If you truly don't want a relationship with him anymore, then it should only fuel your fire of discontent and help you move on.

    However, if you find that you cannot live with knowing he is with another woman and you want him back, then be honest and say so. I guarantee you this "new girlfriend" will disappear into thin air - whether she was real or made of it in the first place.

    reply to Penelope
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    D
    Lela wrote: Ooops! Great minds think alike. I hadn't read your post when I had posted mine!

    Love ya Mary! And you know I was likely still writing it when you were writing yours, right? ;-)

    reply to D
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    First of all, congrats on not replying to his nasty text! It doesn't deserve a reply. If it is true (and it may not be) then so be it. He is stooping to petty, hurtful tactics because he feels hurt and doesn't know how to deal with the break-up in a healthy adult manner.

    Finding out that your ex is seeing someone else is always really difficult. However, it sounds like you have a pretty healthy attitude and it's important to focus on that.

    This time is about you, your ex is no longer a part of your life. Don't stoop to his level, if he continues to text you hurtful things, ignore them or block his number. Also, I know it sounds like dumb advice, but try not to think about it too much. If you start dwelling on the pain, make an effort to distract yourself. Don't let painful thoughts spiral you into a depression. You are obviously in a healthier place than him so take that knowledge and use this time to pamper yourself.

    reply to Nicole
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    Lela wrote: He's 47? Are you sure he's not 17?

    As D above said - 47 going on 17! I guess you can tell a persons real nature in trying times (as for example during a break-up). He did act immature from time to time, so I guess that's him. Well, the fact that he was hedging about commiting at age 47 after 3 years of being together says it all.

    reply to anonymous
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    D
    anonymous wrote: As D above said - 47 going on 17! I guess you can tell a persons real nature in trying times (as for example during a break-up). He did act immature from time to time, so I guess that's him. Well, the fact that he was hedging about commiting at age 47 after 3 years of being together says it all.

    Yeah, it does. It says you don't need this little boy in your life. Get a dog. They're just as dependent and needy as him, but much cuter and sweeter.

    reply to D
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    Keka wrote: Here's your response: "So glad that you have found Happiness in this new path of life. I am so relieved, since it frees me of the guilt I was feeling. Since we are exchanging whatsups, let me also tell you that I also have a new love toy in my life. He is young, hot, handsome and a bit overly anxious to please me. The only thing that worries me is that he is a bit, well, strongly endowed. But I am sure as time goes by, I'll get a hold of it. Big hug, my forever friend."

    LOL ..... LMAO......

    No, I'm not writing that as the issue was a young hot guy - actually he's my friend, and my ex was SOOO jealous of him, so no need to add insult to injury here.

    reply to anonymous
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    D wrote: Love ya Mary! And you know I was likely still writing it when you were writing yours, right? ;-)

    *MUAH*, girl! Yes, there is so much traffic here these days 6 more posts can appear while we're writing one!

    reply to Lela
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    D wrote: E.G.O. His ego is hurt. I bet you that girlfriend exists like Snow White exists - in his imagination, but likely his girlfriend is more like Slush White aka hired! Anyway, the guy has proved he's 47 going on 17 and not worth your time. He said what he said to hurt you and you're letting him. And you'll be hurt, and then go rushing back to him...and he'll get you back and "prove" his love to you. Don't. Don't do it. Don't fall for his bullshit. If he wasn't what you needed when you were IN the relationship, then he's definitely not what you need when you're OUT of the relationship. Frankly, I've always said that if a couple breaks up once, they should stay broken up, because that's the truth right there. Obviously, there are rare exceptions, but the two times I've ever gone back to try to make it work with someone, I was reminded why I made that rule for myself.

    Thanks D! Naw, I definitely won't be going back to him! What's there to go back to? I'm just kinda amazed that he would write something like that!

    reply to anonymous
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    anonymous wrote: Thanks D! Naw, I definitely won't be going back to him! What's there to go back to? I'm just kinda amazed that he would write something like that!

    I think we are all. Nothing like showing what an true ass you are via text and then the ex-gf plastering it all over the internet! LOL!

    reply to Lela
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    V
    Well the first thing you have to understand is that you broke up with him, and even after him "professing his undying love for you" you did not bend with your decision. As with any man, his ego and maybe even his heart is bruised. So of course he is going to try to say whatever he can to bruise u.

    So here is what I say: u have two options.... The first one is in the event that u just can not help it and you MUST respond. Send him a polite text saying something along the lines of "Congratulations, I hope u will be happy with her." The end. Option 2 is ignore the text and delete it. The worst torture you can inflict on yourself is keeping text messages that bother you. You are going to wanna reread it over and over and thats not safe. You made the decision to break it off. The way he handled that alone should tell you whether it was a good choice.

    Be safe sweetie, and I hope I have helped a little.

    reply to V
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    I blocked his email, removed him from social networks and blocked his number so he can't call or text me anymore. So that's that.

    Just needed a reminder from the lovely Vixens that I'm better off and to leave well enough alone.

    I decided not to text him anything as I know him, and he'll be wanting any kind of reply/attention. He was always an attention seeker, and whatever I wrote, he'd twist it around... so I did not and will not reply.

    Still, I'm hurting :( I'm thinking, what if he does actually have a new gf and what if he commits to her, treats her better than he did me, and here I spent 3 years on the douche...

    reply to anonymous
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    anonymous wrote: I blocked his email, removed him from social networks and blocked his number so he can't call or text me anymore. So that's that. Just needed a reminder from the lovely Vixens that I'm better off and to leave well enough alone. I decided not to text him anything as I know him, and he'll be wanting any kind of reply/attention. He was always an attention seeker, and whatever I wrote, he'd twist it around... so I did not and will not reply. Still, I'm hurting :( I'm thinking, what if he does actually have a new gf and what if he commits to her, treats her better than he did me, and here I spent 3 years on the douche...


    Girl, that's a given. We scroll through torturous perils training men to their best selves, only to give them ripe and ready to marry the next girl that bumps their way. It's a given law.

    Be glad, however, for it won't be you that who he'll make miserable. It is only a fantasy that he'll turn into the wonderful creature we envisioned their potential to be: training is only good for them to BELIEVE that they are ready, not to really be.

    reply to Keka
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    It sounds like you got away from this maniac just in time. If I were you, I wouldn’t respond to anything he sends you and hang up on his calls, and if he starts following you around and showing up unexpectedly while you’re out and about, I’d consider a restraining order, or possibly a bazooka small enough to hide in your purse. Have you been watching the news? Crazy creeps abound! Above all else, remain alert and vigilant. If you don’t know self-defense, now might be a good time to learn some. By the way, I seriously doubt he has a new girlfriend other than one he made up in his tiny disturbed mind. Sometimes you never see the true nature of a person until you piss him off, and it sounds like this guy is mondo pissed!

    reply to E.T.
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    I'm going to share with you something I learned a long time ago, back when I had a waist...boys are dumb. Keep repeating until it is part of your DNA.
    You hit the doldrums in the relationship. Maybe you started noticing stuff about Beloved...little annoying things that didn't bother you before... wants to stay home and watch the game-could you swing by and keep me company...and bring a pizza? dishes in the sink, the way he licks his fingers when he eats potato chips, then sticks his hand back into the communal bag, whatever. You sensed something was wrong, and after trying to fix it, examined the situation and dealt with it like an adult. Probably, he was taking up with Miss Thang already, if there IS a Miss Thang, but never mind... either you surprised him with the break up b/c men are clueless ("Now what did I do?") and you brought out the inner 9 year old, or he's over compensating by showing you he is really "a catch" and boy, will YOU be sorry you dumped him. Either way, I wouldn't respond to the text. Besides, he's got nothing better to do than text his ex at midnight? Poser. Now feel better, and go buy some cute shoes.

    reply to Dominique
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    V
    anonymous wrote: I blocked his email, removed him from social networks and blocked his number so he can't call or text me anymore. So that's that. Just needed a reminder from the lovely Vixens that I'm better off and to leave well enough alone. I decided not to text him anything as I know him, and he'll be wanting any kind of reply/attention. He was always an attention seeker, and whatever I wrote, he'd twist it around... so I did not and will not reply. Still, I'm hurting :( I'm thinking, what if he does actually have a new gf and what if he commits to her, treats her better than he did me, and here I spent 3 years on the douche...

    When u have spent that long with someone, you are bound to feel a little hurting. Its normal. But while he may find someone he treats "better" so will you. Not everyone is meant to be together. Look at it like this is your opportunity to truly search for what you want and be diligent with that. When its time, the right man will be there, so please dont be sad.

    reply to V
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    anonymous wrote: I blocked his email, removed him from social networks and blocked his number so he can't call or text me anymore. So that's that. Just needed a reminder from the lovely Vixens that I'm better off and to leave well enough alone. I decided not to text him anything as I know him, and he'll be wanting any kind of reply/attention. He was always an attention seeker, and whatever I wrote, he'd twist it around... so I did not and will not reply. Still, I'm hurting :( I'm thinking, what if he does actually have a new gf and what if he commits to her, treats her better than he did me, and here I spent 3 years on the douche...

    I know exactly how that feels. And yes, that makes lots of sense. It hurts to think, that all of this time you spent loving this person, thinking they loved you...but somehow the are "seemingly" able to cast you away and replace you like it never meant anything.

    It hurts bad. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Just keep telling yourself how lucky you are now to be free, and pursue other and better avenues of opportunity and happiness. Good luck to you my friend, it'll work itself out in the end. :)

    reply to Amber
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    L
    anonymous wrote: I blocked his email, removed him from social networks and blocked his number so he can't call or text me anymore. So that's that. Just needed a reminder from the lovely Vixens that I'm better off and to leave well enough alone. I decided not to text him anything as I know him, and he'll be wanting any kind of reply/attention. He was always an attention seeker, and whatever I wrote, he'd twist it around... so I did not and will not reply. Still, I'm hurting :( I'm thinking, what if he does actually have a new gf and what if he commits to her, treats her better than he did me, and here I spent 3 years on the douche...

    Watch it! You’re entering that territory. That ‘what’s wrong with me’ territory. And nothing is wrong with you. This guy’s standards do not define you. No guy’s standards define you, actually. Just because he did not commit to you was his issue. Not yours. And if you did waste your time, 3 years to be exact on a douche, well at least you’ve learned, never to waste another three years on a douche.

    And he’s a douche, your words, what’s there to be sad about. Come on, you think he’s really going to treat her better. Go read that text again.

    reply to L
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    Amber wrote: I know exactly how that feels. And yes, that makes lots of sense. It hurts to think, that all of this time you spent loving this person, thinking they loved you...but somehow the are "seemingly" able to cast you away and replace you like it never meant anything. It hurts bad. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Just keep telling yourself how lucky you are now to be free, and pursue other and better avenues of opportunity and happiness. Good luck to you my friend, it'll work itself out in the end. :)

    Hey Amber! Yeah - that's right, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now - like, I meant nothing to him? He's already "ready" for a "new, improved" relationship?

    And the thing Dominique mentioned, IF there is a Ms. Thang - well then, she's obviously been around for a while now - he must have been in contact with her prior to our break-up - something like his contingency?! So, it hurts either way!

    reply to anonymous
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    If there is someone "new", I'm thinking - the douche must have been cheating on me, either all along or started cheating at some point. If we broke up last week - when did he have the time to meet, let alone "start dating" and progressing to gf status??

    UGH!!! UGH!!!!!! Now I feel like a fool, like he was (most probably) cheating and I feel he "got away with it"!

    reply to anonymous
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    ew what a douche... just live in the fact that you are better off my dear... he's trying to push your buttons... don't give him the satisfaction of a response.

    reply to Nikki
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    Nikki wrote: ew what a douche... just live in the fact that you are better off my dear... he's trying to push your buttons... don't give him the satisfaction of a response.

    Thanks Nikki! I def did not and will not be giving him the satisfaction of a reply.

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    L
    E.T. wrote: It sounds like you got away from this maniac just in time. If I were you, I wouldn’t respond to anything he sends you and hang up on his calls, and if he starts following you around and showing up unexpectedly while you’re out and about, I’d consider a restraining order, or possibly a bazooka small enough to hide in your purse. Have you been watching the news? Crazy creeps abound! Above all else, remain alert and vigilant. If you don’t know self-defense, now might be a good time to learn some. By the way, I seriously doubt he has a new girlfriend other than one he made up in his tiny disturbed mind. Sometimes you never see the true nature of a person until you piss him off, and it sounds like this guy is mondo pissed!

    I agree with E.T. Please don't find his behavior flattering. This is not a romantic comedy.


    reply to L
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    L wrote: I agree with E.T. Please don't find his behavior flattering. This is not a romantic comedy.

    Why would I find this type of disgusting behaviour flattering? Never even crossed my mind.

    reply to anonymous
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    Dear Amber,

    Good riddance! I applaud you for following your gut instinct and letting go of someone who was ultimately The Desperate Fool. Because you do realize that's what he is, right?

    If you're not familiar with The Desperate Fool, he's the man that will say and do anything to get back the woman he's lost. This includes boasting unbelievable claims (i.e. "I would die just to get you back!") or harassing the living heck out of you in every form of communication known to man. All these texts, emails, phone calls were was a desperate, but failed attempt, to get you back. So with these not working, he had to resort to the last straw... evoking jealousy out of you.

    Whether this outrageous text message was true or a completely pathetic attempt at evoking emotion out of you, it was a ploy. A scheme. A plot! The Desperate Fool thought, "OK, if I make this woman realize that I can get better looking girls than her, and make her realize that she's letting go of a great catch, she'll come running back."

    Who needs a man that even dares to claim they found someone better because they're "skinnier"? He was never willing to commit because his mentality is not of a middle-aged man; it's more along the lines of an adolescent boy on the verge of mental development.

    Let him go and sigh a breath of relief that this man didn't end up being yours 'til the end.

    reply to Agatha
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    Yeah Amber. You dumped him. He is already dumped. Good riddance.

    Ignore his rudeness and move on to better... you deserve it.

    :o)

    reply to Linda
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    Agatha wrote: Dear Amber, Good riddance! I applaud you for following your gut instinct and letting go of someone who was ultimately The Desperate Fool. Because you do realize that's what he is, right? If you're not familiar with The Desperate Fool, he's the man that will say and do anything to get back the woman he's lost. This includes boasting unbelievable claims (i.e. "I would die just to get you back!") or harassing the living heck out of you in every form of communication known to man. All these texts, emails, phone calls were was a desperate, but failed attempt, to get you back. So with these not working, he had to resort to the last straw... evoking jealousy out of you. Whether this outrageous text message was true or a completely pathetic attempt at evoking emotion out of you, it was a ploy. A scheme. A plot! The Desperate Fool thought, "OK, if I make this woman realize that I can get better looking girls than her, and make her realize that she's letting go of a great catch, she'll come running back." Who needs a man that even dares to claim they found someone better because they're "skinnier"? He was never willing to commit because his mentality is not of a middle-aged man; it's more along the lines of an adolescent boy on the verge of mental development. Let him go and sigh a breath of relief that this man didn't end up being yours 'til the end.

    Thanks Agatha! Your Desperate Fool theory made me feel so much better. Your right - it's obvious he's a desperate loser. Still nice to read it so nicely layed out and explaining his loser-ness in full detail!

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    Hey you guys! When did I become Amber? I went anon on this one! Not Amber LOL

    reply to anonymous
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    Oh you need to stop right there. Don't even GO THERE! Maybe he WAS cheating on you all along. But Maybe not. You can MAYBE yourself into a straight jacket sweetheart, so knock it off!

    You are NOT a fool and the only person who "got away with it" is YOU and the "IT" that you got away with was your SANITY! You made your decision and I know it's hard but don't look back. His petty messages are nothing but a way to make you do what you are doing and that is stewing.

    Don't do it. You are already over it you just don't know it yet!


    reply to Lexi
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    anonymous wrote: Thanks Nikki! I def did not and will not be giving him the satisfaction of a reply.

    Thata girl :)

    reply to Nikki
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    Lexi wrote: Oh you need to stop right there. Don't even GO THERE! Maybe he WAS cheating on you all along. But Maybe not. You can MAYBE yourself into a straight jacket sweetheart, so knock it off! You are NOT a fool and the only person who "got away with it" is YOU and the "IT" that you got away with was your SANITY! You made your decision and I know it's hard but don't look back. His petty messages are nothing but a way to make you do what you are doing and that is stewing. Don't do it. You are already over it you just don't know it yet!

    Hmmm.. am already over it but don't know it yet! Now that's a fine light in which to view my current sitch! I love this advice!

    In my mind, I am over him, but my heart did tug a little at the text message.

    reply to anonymous
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    Don't even give him the time of day. That's totally ridiculous in my book. I wouldn't even acknowledge the e-mail. I agree with what was said above, that his ego is hurt. It's just a way to get back at you because he's hurt. Also, it you contact him with a response, it's just another way for him to talk to you.

    reply to Lisa
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    Everyone has something to say about this "mannish boy".....he's an immature, hurt little man that's lashing out because his ego is bruised. Of course the text msg hurt....but here's the good news: imagine what a future would be like with someone that immature and hurtful. Be glad he sent that message so because it's confirmation that you did the right thing. EW! mean and immature. Don't answer his msg...he wants to engage you. Don't give it to him.

    reply to Lady Sauce
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    D
    anonymous wrote: Hmmm.. am already over it but don't know it yet! Now that's a fine light in which to view my current sitch! I love this advice! In my mind, I am over him, but my heart did tug a little at the text message.

    Of course it did, that's the point. He pulled a toddler tantrum to make you feel guilty. So, it worked then?

    reply to D
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    If he texted you that late at night his new skinny girlfriend is probably a few long shots of sex-on-the-beach.

    reply to Margaux
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    anonymous wrote: Hmmm.. am already over it but don't know it yet! Now that's a fine light in which to view my current sitch! I love this advice! In my mind, I am over him, but my heart did tug a little at the text message.

    Of course it tugged! This means you are a human being! Whew! Well thank goodness for that! ;)

    reply to Lexi
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    He's a snake and a coward and not worthy of your hurting heart. Don't waste any more time on this douchebag.

    reply to ehvwon
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    1. Whoo, you dodged a bullet, superlady!

    2. It took him too long to sh-t or get off the pot, as my granny would say, and he has regrets.

    3. He is a tool, fu--tard and a huge douche nozzle, not worthy of you!

    4. He's playing with your mind and trying to hurt you by playing on some insecurities he may or may not have picked up on throughout the relationship.

    5. I seriously doubt he has a new girlfriend...dudes that have just come off a long-term relationship are a red flag for most ladies.

    6. Thank goodness this as-hat was to much of a weasly man-baby to commit!

    reply to LadyMama
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    Margaux wrote: If he texted you that late at night his new skinny girlfriend is probably a few long shots of sex-on-the-beach.

    That is genius! Margaux is one right lady.

    reply to LadyMama
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    Hey! Betcha never realized you were dating a 10th grader! Oh, what a joker. The man obviously has a wounded ego, and is just seeking reprisal. I hope that you don't actually buy that made-up-girlfriend fib. You need galoshes to wade through that mire of shite!

    reply to Ali Q.
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    Please do not respond back. You were a part of each other's life for a long time and shared many good and bad times.

    Perhaps as much as he loved you or cared for you he was just not ready to take that extra step to make your relationship a steady and committed one. Chances are if it didn't work out with you, he may end up alone for good. That is his sad reality, but not yours.

    That is not your problem now. I know you are hurting and this is normal and you might hurt for quite some time. Take this time to ask yourself what you really want in your next relationship and honey don't give another man so much of your precious time if he is not going to stick around.

    A woman knows right away if not from the first date, then surely on the next couple of dates, if she is can build something wonderful and grow with a man.

    As for the comment on her being much 'thinner' than you. Well that is just too 'Bad' for him. Now with the winter coming and those cold nights, he won't have your cozy 'Curves' to keep him warm!!!!!

    I also wanted to say that I highly admire you for letting him go. I know babe, that was hard and I know you spend many a lonely night thinking hard on this.

    Right now you can't see the worth of your actions. One day you will think of this and laugh, hard and long!!!!!

    Olga

    reply to Olga
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    No wonder you were in distress. You were a 37 year old woman trying to have a relationship with a 45 year old child. He proved he wasn't mature enough for a committed relationship and OMG!, his text was like so high school. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

    reply to Dee
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    Well, now you know why he made it to 47 without lasting in a healthy long term relationship.

    You've done the right thing, m'love. You were brave enough to let him go and wise enough to not fall for the too-late professions of undying affection. Now it's time to rise above it and ignore any further asinine bullshit he throws at you. You're going to get to a point soon where you will congratulate yourself that you were not only clever enough to end it, but that he was dumb enough to let you see what a giant man-child he really is, and clearly undeserving of all the care and devotion you lavished upon him. In fact, I think you're going end up feeling positively smug about the whole thing.


    reply to Mimi
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    He's 47? Are you sure he isn't 14 disguised as 47? Do not respond to his message. I would not be surprised if he made up the new gf or if she's a gf for hire or perhaps the blowup kind.
    You said you moved on. Keep moving.

    reply to Lorraine
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    I'll bet he was whining to someone about missing you and they got disgusted with it and wrote that for him as a ploy to make you jealous and have you running back to him....probably a girlfriend(in the platonic sense).

    Either way, writing it or letting someone else write it is incredibly immature. I'd keep going with the distancing effort.

    reply to Lynne
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    C'mon, girl! YOU fell for that?! He's full of crap...he has no new GF, PLEASE. He just knew that would hurt you. Notice that you're more hurt about the "skinnier, prettier" part of the message, than the "I met someone great" part of the message. Remember this....Guys NEVER want to hurt you. That's why they lie and cheat, all the while telling you they're not doing anything wrong. Instinctually, they're cowards (most of them) and non-confrontational.
    They NEVER want to hurt you UNTIL and REMEMBER THIS PART, UNTIL you hurt them. THEN, watch out...they can be nasty little f...ers!
    I suggest you write back "i'm so happy for you! It was terrible to see you crying and acting so pathetic over our breakup. That was really out of your character. I knew you would find someone because you are so special. I'm really doing great too. I also met someone and boy, does he rock in the sack AND know how to treat me. I'm so glad it worked out for both of us. Have a GREAT day"
    Then, erase his number from your phone, in case you ever get tempted to call this mind f..ker ever again.

    reply to Janet
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    Ignore Ignore Ignore. All he's trying to do is get a rise out of you. You bruised his ego, now he's trying to bruise yours. If you respond all your doing is feeding into his game. If you've moved on, stay moved on. Responding would only add unnecessary drama to your life....so not worth it.

    reply to Sara
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    Ignore! He seems bitter and jealous of your newfound self-confidence. He is trying to break you by hitting you on a very low level, that he knows may or may not get a rise out of you. Just stay true to yourself. You know what is good for you,and you know that he is not that. You are a strong, confident woman, and you can one up him by just being yourself. Hold your head high, because you're not resorting to these tactics to get a rise, you've moved on, and he may not be able to let go...Find someone who will fulfill you, and will be ready to commit! There isn't just "one" there are probably about...8 or 9, at least, for each of us. Be free, be confident, enjoy!

    reply to Yali
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    Hey Cool Cat -

    This is such a no brainer - you are SO much cooler, smarter, sassier, sexier and way ahead of this dude that you gave so much of your love and energy to.

    Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?

    Move on babe- don't ever look back - that text is truly evil and you don't want to spend your time with Dr. Evil any longer.

    You're 35 woman - take a shower - gussy up and get back out there - life's too short and you have a lot to offer.

    xo April

    reply to April
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    YOU DONE GOOD! You are smart to ignore his clear & pathetic attempt to get a reaction out of you.
    Supposing the other woman even exists, he would be eyeballs into ecstasy and wouldn't waste time telling you.
    Also how fat or inferior can you be if he couldn't bear to let you go?
    How good is his word when he told you it was forever with you and now it is forever wth her?
    And how long before the new Miss Thing realizes she is in a relationship going nowhere?
    You go girl! Move on.

    reply to writingmaniac
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    Absolutely ignore it. It sounds like he made the whole thing up, anyway. It's called "I'm mad at you for breaking up with me and I'm too much of an immature twit to deal with it correctly." What a freak show! Be glad you got away from him!

    reply to Kent
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    Eww. Ignore, ignore, ignore. From an outsider's perpective, its almost laughable (almost but not really because I know how hurtful it is to hear such things). What a pathetic ploy to show you he's ok on his own. He's not. He sat alone in the dark and wrote you this text message.

    Think about it... would ANY person in their right mind feel the need to be so vengeful and... well, lame if they were happy and had moved on with another? No way. I'm sure he's in agony right now to have sent such a desperate message. Its only design was to hurt. He wasnt "saying goodbye". Not by a long shot. He was saying "helloooo I'm still here, and you're never going to forget about me because I am going to make you insecure."

    Like I said... ewww.

    Just ignore him. His bruised ego will then be shattered, which is what a dude like that deserves.

    reply to Heather
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    Send him a pic of you and an 18 yr old guy getting freaky with the caption, "Wow, younger guys last so much longer..."

    Just if you wanted to, you know, hit him where it hurts. Metaphorically speaking of course...

    reply to G.
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    You know, it is always best to ignore such trite and petty attempts to wound you. The other Vixens have it all sewn up, except for one thing:

    If you happen to have moment of weakness and want to lash out, just tell him you already are seeing someone else who has a BIG NEW SWING. ;-) Remember Smilin' Bob?

    reply to Julie
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    Oh dear.

    Chances are he has no girlfriend. Chances are he has racked his brain to figure out ANY kind of tactic to "win you back"- be it by wine and roses or ridiculous and immature text messages. You said he's 47?? Wow. Sounds like a real gentleman.

    First of all, remember that you are doing the right thing. Once the spark is gone, there is no remix to the ignition. That flame is out, baby! Congrats for recognizing that and not wallowing away in self pity as a person stuck in a rut of a relationship.

    Invest your time in things you love to do. Checkout some new hobbies. Get involved in an organization or a new workout class, and meet new people. Remember to take it slowly, breathe deeply, and recognize your need to grow and get back to someone who will never break your heart- YOU! It'll be a process, but once you get rolling- you'll never look back in regret.

    reply to Abby
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    Totally ignore him. This was his way of getting back at you for breaking up with him. Sounds like he still has some growing up to do.

    Meanwhile, go out and have some fun and enjoy yourself. There are still nice guys out there.

    reply to Brandi
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    Keka wrote: Here's your response: "So glad that you have found Happiness in this new path of life. I am so relieved, since it frees me of the guilt I was feeling. Since we are exchanging whatsups, let me also tell you that I also have a new love toy in my life. He is young, hot, handsome and a bit overly anxious to please me. The only thing that worries me is that he is a bit, well, strongly endowed. But I am sure as time goes by, I'll get a hold of it. Big hug, my forever friend."

    That would really get his goat. I will have to remember for future use myself.

    reply to Brandi
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    Just smile honey and keep on steppin' he just gave you quick confirmation as to why you dumped him in the first place.

    reply to Laura
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    Poor baby. It's awful to have those icky post-dump feelings. You need some TLC+F (TLC+Fun).
    Treat yourself to some pampering. Whatever makes you happy: a new pair of shoes, a big tub of your favorite indulgence, a night out with the girls? Personally I'd have the lot and a glass of Champagne. Then pat yourself on the back, chin up, boobs out and yell:
    NEXT!!
    xx00 Tina

    PS The younger man idea suggested above sounds good too,however I suggest 23 is a better age for a 37 year old. You want a man not a boy (18 is too much like babysitting. )My husband and I split up 13 years ago when I was 38 and, well... my "toyboy" just turned 37.

    reply to Tina
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    Definitely do not reward this cruel and immature behavior with a response. That is absolutely what he is looking for here. If you don't reply, he'll never have the satisfaction of knowing if you even received his text. You should be so glad he's out of your life, and strangely thankful that he sent the horribly lame text -- it will serve as a reminder to you NEVER to consider him romantically (or even as a friend) in the future. I always think things like this, while painful at first, are a blessing in disguise because they truly allow you to cut the cord.

    Oh, and next time you're attracted to a guy who reminds you of your ex even in the slightest bit -- run! Make a mental note to look for qualities that are opposite from this jerk ex in your next relationship. Sometimes we don't quite realize how masochistic we are. There must've been signs he was capable of this prior to the text. 3 years is way too long to waste on a non-committal meanie, and I'd hate for you to go though that again. Pity him, and now move on -- you'll certainly find a bigger, better, kinder guy. And he'll stay miserable. That's just how karma works.

    reply to saryn
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    Listen, he had his chance and blew it with you.
    At the same time, maybe you have helped this person to start growing up. Clearly you are stong enough to handle an immature attempt to hurt your feelings with his Boy-Babble.

    My advice: Wrap yourself in a cloak of friends. Go out and celebrate this new gift of freedom. The right person can't find you if you are sitting alone at home no matter how fabulous you are.

    reply to Billie
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    I am soooo glad that you had the guts to stand up and say, "This is not for me, I deserve better, you're wasting my time." - I give you MAJOR props for that. Especially when you get to your mid 30's and start to know yourself and what you want. It shows that you learned something when you were in your 20's. You should be very proud of yourself. Forget that childish fool honey! Don't even give him a response, because that's just what he wants. He probably doesn't even have a girlfriend! He was just sitting around watching infomercials, feeling lonely and bitter. Whatever!

    reply to Evette
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    Whoa! I think you may have been dating my ex.

    For the life of me I can not figure out why men like to jab us where it hurts most. Skinnier? That would kill me and he knew it would do the same to you. What a schmuck!

    I don't need to tell you all the BS about getting over it and moving on. You obviously already get that. While normally I would advise not responding to his ridunkulous text message, I think you could definitely show him that you are the bigger woMAN by wishing him well with his fictitious love endeavors. He's sooo expecting you to call him up and plead with him to dump the new chick that he'll be very disappointed you didn't take the bait.

    Of course, you could forgo all the games and just leave it alone. Either way, go out and have a glass of wine tonight and revel in your singledom. I can see all the fish swimming up to the new guppy now. Good things are ahead of you!

    reply to Libby
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    Ah, text messages once again rear their ugly head. I miss the simpler days of drunk dialing. Listen, you said yourself the relationship was going nowhere. This should simply reconfirm the rightness of your decision. Continue to ignore it - there is no need to stoop to a 47 year olds level. Particularly one who communicates like a 6th grader.

    reply to anne
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    Alek wrote: Are you serious? He actually wrote that?

    lol. I was thinking the same thing.


    Sounds like bullhockey to me. And if it is true, I don't envy his new girlfriend in the slightest.

    reply to Julia
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    I think you did good by ignoring it. Why sink to his level? He wanted to hurt you and to get a rise out of you. By not responding you didn't give him what he wanted. By the way, you obviously did the right thing by breaking it off in the first place.

    reply to Greta
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    I truly doubt he has a girlfriend, let alone a drop-dead gorgeous one! If he really did find the new love of his life, he wouldn't feel the need to rub his happiness in the face of someone he once cared about. He didn't want to commit to you when he had you and now that he doesn't he is going through the "want what you can't have" syndrome. My guess is that since his attempts to win you back failed, he is trying to make you feel the same way he felt in hopes that you will come running back to him. Please don't!! He is a 47-year-old who is playing children's games! You will find much better!!

    reply to Jennifer
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    Thank you so much my darling Vixies!! Thank you! I'm sending out a great big CYBER-HUG to all you awesome Vixens who helped me with this heartbreaking moment with your AMAZING advice!

    I did not respond in any way to his immature text, and have been reading and re-reading your advice to keep me on track an focused on me!

    reply to anonymous
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    Thank you so much my darling Vixies!! Thank you! I'm sending out a great big CYBER-HUG to all you awesome Vixens who helped me with this heartbreaking moment with your AMAZING advice!

    I did not respond in any way to his immature text, and have been reading and re-reading your advice to keep me on track an focused on me!

    reply to anonymous
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    anonymous wrote: Hey you guys! When did I become Amber? I went anon on this one! Not Amber LOL

    Hey Anonymous Amber ;)

    I hope that you understand that you, as a loving, warm, kind human being gave this man a chance to access the best part of himself and love you the same as you loved him. Unfortunately, unlike cheese or wine, not all men mature with age and this one, well he just wanted to take and not give anything back. How selfish.

    When you withdrew your loving grace, he reacted by trying to hurt you, perhaps knowing where it was it would hurt the most. His actions are puerile, and completely unacceptable from a grown man. This, believe it or not, is what he is really made of. This is the essence of him, just as the essence of you knew to walk away from his selfish need to have you around, but not give you the respect you deserve by committing. Your instinct was to let him go, because the best part of you understood this.

    Such a vicious attack need not be dignified with a response. Let him believe whatever he wants to believe about his new love, imaginary or not. You have learned now that you deserve so much more. Love yourself enough to know that he is the last person on earth you will allow to take away your dignity.



    reply to Tawanda
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    Sometimes the best thing to do in any situation is 'Sit Still'. Everybody is ready with a quick comeback and three snaps, but if you ask yourself if he's really worth the verbal back and forth, then you will be able to see what the truth of the matter is. So lets bottom line this; he's reaching, grasping at straws and trying to get you riled up to prove to himself that you still care about him enough to be jealous. Let him have that one stinger, believe me if you don't respond, he will feel even worse.

    reply to L.C.
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    Hi,

    Ouch! He was cruel. I would just keep ignoring that text message. I think he wants you to respond just so he can get satisfaction that he has stirred some emotion in you. Plus, I think he text message you that message to hurt you. What he said was not nice. It's probably best that you broke it off with him, if this is how he's going to behave at 47!!

    Take Care, Kelli

    reply to Kelli
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    It sounds to me like he was just using you for sex when he wanted it. He really wasn't serious about you. He saw you as a piece of meat he could partake of any time he wanted.

    You are a lovely human being. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You also deserve to have true love in your life, not some immature creep like him, who thinks he is mature but doesn't act like it.

    If I were you, I would not give that man your time of day. Just ignore him and he'll see that yu won't stoop to his level. At that time, he will realize he has no chance and will give up.

    Go find yourself a mature man that loves and respects you for you, and is willing to make a commitment. Your overall happiness is involved here. Don't cut yourself short in this regard.


    reply to Harry
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    Billie wrote: Listen, he had his chance and blew it with you. At the same time, maybe you have helped this person to start growing up. Clearly you are stong enough to handle an immature attempt to hurt your feelings with his Boy-Babble. My advice: Wrap yourself in a cloak of friends. Go out and celebrate this new gift of freedom. The right person can't find you if you are sitting alone at home no matter how fabulous you are.

    I agree.

    Be strong. Maybe he is not a bad guy and you really do care for him. That is why your heart feels the pull. But, that does not mean that you should be wound up in the back and forth. If you are over it. Like the other Vixens say... Celebrate.

    Hopefully, he has as good friends as you do and they will help him to get through this really difficult time.


    reply to Isoke
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    Thank goodness you dumped this guy. He wanted to hurt you because you don't want him anymore. Imagine if you were the new woman. Poor thing. Congratulations on getting out of a relationship that no longer gave you what you needed. How could he hurt you? He ALWAYS had it in him. You are so lucky to be out! Develop your female friend social life, focus on work for a while, and let someone new and wonderful show up when the time is right. I'm sorry you are hurt. But if you'd stayed with a cruel guy, it could've got a whole lot worse.
    At the least he is immature as hell; at the most, he is just not nice.

    reply to jeannie`
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    If anything, this should only reinforce your decision to split: clearly this is a little boy who needs to grow up! The only possible reason he would send you that text is to upset you, so don't let him get to you! 47 or 27, this is a completely desperate attempt to get attention, and, let's be honest, it's working, but take solace in the fact that the likelihood of this so called "girlfriend" actually existing is slim at best. Call up some girlfriends, put in a sappy movie, and revel in the fact that if there even is a new girl, the commitment issues are hers to keep. Here is a man who clearly thought he could have you without having to invest too much time or energy (ie COMMITMENT) in the relationship, but who panicked when he realized that you weren't going to wait around for him to figure it out. I've had similar issues with men, and let me say that they always want what they can't have. Just keep in mind that the immature behavior in the form of a ridiculous text message only proves that you were right in following your instincts- you deserve someone who knows what they want and won't leave you in a gray area of non-commitment! Let him have his "gorgeous" imaginary girlfriend, who will undoubtedly follow in your footsteps once she realizes that she's agreed to date the same man-child who wants all the perks of a relationship with none of its obligations.

    Ignore the text, indulge in some ice cream and a girls' night in, and know that there's a man out there who's mature enough to give you the relationship you deserve! (Ask him if he has any hot friends for me, will you?)

    reply to Hannah
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    Sweetie, men are not as complicated as we give them credit for. They are really simple creatures. They always want what they can’t have. Please tell me that at 35 you were not surprised by this fake-ass ploy to make you jealous? Don’t let your feelings get in the way of what YOU know is the best for you and your situation. If you really love him and want to work things out, go for it. But if you know in your heart that he’s never going to give you the commitment that you are seeking and deserve, let it go. Don’t allow him space in your dome with that insensitive, immature, ego-tripping BS. A real man does not have time to play those kinds of “leparchan –games” (as in now you see me, now you don’t). When a real man is not interested, he does not call, text, email, or nothing…Hell, you have to wonder did he just fall off the face of the earth! Don’t stoop to his level and fall into that trap of blissful ignorance by responding to his non-sense. Move on with your life and next time, set your bar a little higher. We as women always lower our standards when it comes to love. As simple as men are, they just figure out ways to jump right over the low-standing bars that we set. Move that bar up a few notches and watch and see don’t you get a better quality man.


    reply to Sexcee
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    Ex (celebrate!) - Lovey,

    Clearly you hit the nail on the head when you recognized your ex's immaturity in his unwillingness to commit. Such a thoughtless, child-like jab (through a text message, no less!) epitomizes his lack of maturity and manhood that is necessary to sustain a lasting partnership. He may be 47 years old but did he ever leave middle school behind? Maybe he resents the fact that texting didn't exist when he was 13 and he's making up for it now, in more than one way. In any case. . .

    As for you: you're doing the best thing for yourself in not responding and thereby not playing his low, childish game of desperate insults. My guess: he got a girl's number one drunken night and is now referring to her as his girlfriend, but sister, in the end, even that doesn't matter!

    My advice is to continue to nurture the woman -- mature adult woman -- in you through ceasing contact and communication with this pitiful (old) man. Celebrate your independence from his clueless behavior and start engaging with people who know themselves and aren't afraid to commit to what, and who, they love.




    reply to Brandi
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    Here's my two cents: Absolutely do not contact this guy again. From your account of the relationship, he is the instigator of his own demise. You wanted more from him when you were together, you knew it clearly, but he (apparently) didn't. It was unfair of him to make you walk that tight rope of emotions in the first place, for so long. I would have thought he might have genuinely been undecided, but when you mentioned that you broke it off, and he came running full speed at you with all these messages about his undying love for you, that sealed the deal in my eyes.

    He thought he finally loved you, that your turning away from him had made him realize the error of his ways, but in all honesty he was scared to death of simply being alone after 3 years of constant company. The fact he would so callously send you a text of his newfound success with another woman, is proof that you made the right decision to break it off. Being so spiteful is childish and unhealthy. If he feels he has to flaunt his success at you, that isn't some kind of subconscious cry for a reconciliation, it's just blaring stupidity.

    reply to Michael
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    His ego was in serious deflation and hurting you was his idea of blowing it up, but that's all it was. If his new girlfriend was all that he wouldn't need to call you and put you down. People in love or lust are the most cheerful people on earth and for good reasons. Its called an excess of endorphins. Delete this guys number ASAP and soak in a tub and thank-god you escaped this moron.

    reply to Suzanna
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    anonymous wrote: Thanks DaShanda! Yeah, I guess it is an LOL moment, but when I read it, it sort of stung. Even though I know it's him just lashing out, "new gf" or no new gf... Still, so low, so mean-spirited, so ACK! Yuck! Ew!

    Sounds like this act of immature desperation has indeed fueled your fire of discontent. It certainly doesn't make him look good (I echo the Vixens who've said "what? he's 47?").

    Maybe he'll come back and fess up to the lie and tell you he did it because he wanted to try to get you back. If he did, would you give him another chance?

    reply to Penelope
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    Thank goodness he sent you that text. Now you are so hurt and furious that it should be very easy not to reply, but to move on. I've had the misfortune of being with guys who were "too nice" and that kept me on the relationship merry-go-round for far too long. My intuition tells me that he's on the verge of a very serious REBOUND and that he'll soon wake up with some very serious regrets. Or, he'll marry the woman then really be in for it. Nonetheless, don't you dare go back to him.

    reply to Marie
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    Thank goodness he sent you that text. Now you are so hurt and furious that it should be very easy not to reply, but to move on. I've had the misfortune of being with guys who were "too nice" and that kept me on the relationship merry-go-round for far too long. My intuition tells me that he's on the verge of a very serious REBOUND and that he'll soon wake up with some very serious regrets. Or, he'll marry the woman then really be in for it. Nonetheless, don't you dare go back to him.

    reply to Marie
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    Oh Darling,

    For a 47-year-old man to behave this way is all the proof you needed that you made the right decision. You positively did the right thing in not responding. Why should you gratify his pathetically pre-pubescent efforts at making you jealous? If he has to put you down like that in order to help himself get over you, just imagine how desperate he must be.

    If you feel anything for him at this point, it should be pity. Pat yourself on the back for being strong in your resolve and for standing up for yourself! You deserve far better than this! What can you do but laugh and look forward?

    Stay strong, Vixen!

    reply to Meg
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    The dude has some issues.

    First the "please please please" stage. That didn't work.

    Then the "no, YOU'RE stupid!" stage. That didn't work.

    Whether he has a real girlfriend or not doesn't concern you. Sure he could have taken it more like a man but replying in any way accomplishes nothing for you. You don't need to keep the correspondence up. That's why you split in the first place.

    A warning though: the dude isn't likely done with you. Don't be surprised to get more emails essentially trying to figure out if (or why) you're not insanely jealous. The mere fact he can get a new woman THAT quick means he's either lying his ass off or he has an escort service on speed dial.

    reply to Charlie
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    I am so sorry he wrote that but I think he wrote that because he is human and humans like to have the last word. So much of life is a grand competition. Right? We like to have our say and when that opportunity is taken from us (ie you broke things off and didn't respond to his last ditch replies) he found his last way to get his final word.

    Not sure why we have tendencies in life to draw lines in the sand with a need to utter those great Hollywood lines. But it happens and now, your challenge is to not react. To be true to your own beliefs.

    There are going to be moments of temptation when you feel compelled to text back/strike back but why sink to his level? You were honest with him. You spoke your heart. Remember the truth over the feelings.

    So sorry, pet. Hang in there. Even breaking things off with someone (when you are the breaker upper) is tough. You have those girlfriend habits still ingrained in you. The habit to call that person. The habit to have them there in your life. It is really hard to let that go even when you know that person is not your NEO.

    But perhaps you are now one step closer to finding your perfect Imperfect. Your flawed Prince. Your NEO. Hmmm....

    reply to Shannon
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    Please don't respond. this guys sounds like a complete idiot, and he's doing this at 47, I mean come on. I wouldn't be suprised if this chick he's dating doesn't even exist. The fact that he would get this cruel shows you what an immature guy he really is.

    reply to Paul
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    If indeed this is the "message" that came in, it demonstrates how immature he is, how hollow he is, how adolescent he is and how ugly he is.

    Move on. Stop texting. Start talking. Get with a man who is capable of conversation rather than IM carpet-bombing.

    Don't wait to move past him and don't get "hooked" on the absurdly cowardice communiques.

    Ours is to untangle interactions veiled as communication and get to the heart of a person with real communication. New Agey? Try it on for size and stop wasting key strokes with this boy.

    Say no to drAma.

    reply to Mookie
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    WTF? WTF? Of course this boy is hurting....You think he wants to go down in flames without a parachute? Naaaaaaaaa

    After three years it sounds like both of you didn't know what you wanted. Both of you got something you needed/wanted in this relationship, and it took four months for you finally to say "good bye"....

    So yeah, yeah, the love-sick puppy comes all wags and doleful eyes, looking for a petting and a snack. It's worked before and he expects it to work now. But you're not budging, and so what does he do? He snaps. Ouch!

    Got your attention didn't he?

    If your mind is made up, then stick to it. Yeah, he's being a child, but you nursed that child and took three years and four months to break him off. He's hurt, he's p'd off, and he's missing the sweet thing, but he'll live.

    And so will you.

    And don't worry about the new chew-toy.


    reply to James
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    Hi Anon,

    I know a lot of people have weighed in already and I don't want to repeat what others have already said, but I;m new here and your situation just leapt out at me...so here's my take:

    First of all, I definitely sympathize with your plight regarding the break-up pain…who doesn’t, right? But I think that text message was actually a huge blessing in disguise for you. Here’s why: you know how when you break up with someone you spend a few days, weeks or months (depending on how much you cared about this person, who broke it off and so many other things, obviously) sort of wondering when it’s OK to be OK? Well, here’s my take: that absurd text message empowers you to be OK effective IMMEDIATELY!!!!

    I realize it must sting, but first of all, there is an exactly ZERO percent chance this woman exists, and even if she does, who the hell cares!! I mean really, a 47 year-old man sent you that text? All cliché’s aside, you are obviously WAAAAAY too good for him/that.

    The healthiest, most productive way to look at it is as a clear reason to realize that you made EXACTLY the right move. Definitely don’t waste your time texting him back. I mean, I’m sure the break up itself still hurts, and I really wish you the best in that regard, but allow yourself to KNOW that you at least made the right decision whether it hurts or not. In closing, what a douche, my God…


    reply to Jamie
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    Late to the party but I still wanted to chime in.

    I’m so sorry you had to read that vindictive message. But be prepared for more from him in the future. You broke up with him and that gave you the power. Whether you did it nicely or not, he obviously was hurt. It’s hard being the one dumped. So like a wounded animal he wants to get back at you and that message was a good way to do it. It was about him making himself feel better by taking the power back from you.

    But even as you feel hurt you can still keep your personal power in knowing that you made the right decision for yourself and that you will be so much happier and better off. You were honest with him and with yourself and good things will come from that.

    reply to Francine
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    This is unfortunate in so many ways. My mother isn't dramatically older than this man and she doesn't even know how to turn on her cell phone, much less send a text message. That's the way it should be. Leave the text messaging to drunk, 23 year olds who have become unaware that you can still talk into the speaker attached to their text-messaging device. This man should be getting his prostate checked, not playing text message games with women. Have you considered that we don't typically make an effort to contact people that we don't care about? If he hit the jackpot with Annie the Anorexic, as stated in his "text message" (still not over that, by the way), wouldn't it make sense that his contentment alone would prevent him from thinking of you, let alone trash texting you? Further analysis brings us to the fact that he contacted you to let you know he won't be contacting you. Know what would really bring that message home? NOT CONTACTING YOU. He's struggling, he's ego is bruised, his prostate needs checking, and his chatroom screenname is pathetic47yearoldtexter." Go out with the girls, have a cocktail, and raise a glass to Annie Anorexic for taking this man off your hands. And your inbox.

    reply to Megan
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    You didn't mention your ex was such a talented craftsman because this message is tailor-made to burrow its way into your stomach and do cartwheels inside until you run to the nearest Dylan's Candy Store to bury your misery in rivers of hot chocolate. While a piping hot beverage may be in order, texting him back is not.

    Look at the message again. Read it until it's just a collection of logarithms that mean less than George W's opinion. De-fang it.

    Great, now that you've sucked the venom out, take the text for exactly what it is: an Everest-sized favor. Now you have written evidence of exactly how manipulative and thoughtless he is. Next time your hand wavers over the phone, compelled to dial those familiar digits, consult your inbox instead and be reminded of how close you came to spending your life with a sniveling knave. Congrats on the escape!

    reply to Marissa
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    Heather wrote: Eww. Ignore, ignore, ignore. From an outsider's perpective, its almost laughable (almost but not really because I know how hurtful it is to hear such things). What a pathetic ploy to show you he's ok on his own. He's not. He sat alone in the dark and wrote you this text message. Think about it... would ANY person in their right mind feel the need to be so vengeful and... well, lame if they were happy and had moved on with another? No way. I'm sure he's in agony right now to have sent such a desperate message. Its only design was to hurt. He wasnt "saying goodbye". Not by a long shot. He was saying "helloooo I'm still here, and you're never going to forget about me because I am going to make you insecure." Like I said... ewww. Just ignore him. His bruised ego will then be shattered, which is what a dude like that deserves.

    "Just ignore him. His bruised ego will then be shattered, which is what a dude like that deserves."

    Yep.

    reply to Kent
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