Hum. Do you want to break up cos you're sensing he is pulling back, or do you want to break up cos you just don't like him that much and have realized that he is not the one?
reply to Linda
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Blondie,
If it's not working for you, nothing else matters. Tell him the relationship isn't right for you. You can call him, tell him you need a minute of his time -- and just say that over the past few days/weeks/months you've realized that the relationship isn't what you need/want. Make it about you, not him.
Be strong - and do what serves you best - so you can meet someone who is right.
Amy
If it's not working for you, nothing else matters. Tell him the relationship isn't right for you. You can call him, tell him you need a minute of his time -- and just say that over the past few days/weeks/months you've realized that the relationship isn't what you need/want. Make it about you, not him.
Be strong - and do what serves you best - so you can meet someone who is right.
Amy
reply to Amy
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Linda wrote: Hum. Do you want to break up cos you're sensing he is pulling back, or do you want to break up cos you just don't like him that much and have realized that he is not the one?
reply to Blondie
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Mostly because I sense he is pulling back. I do like him, but I don't feel like he is crazy about me. Which makes me not very crazy about him.
He is intelligent, a very nice guy and we're compatible. If only there was more passion...
He is intelligent, a very nice guy and we're compatible. If only there was more passion...
reply to Blondie
send this answer to a friendAmy wrote: Blondie,
If it's not working for you, nothing else matters. Tell him the relationship isn't right for you. You can call him, tell him you need a minute of his time -- and just say that over the past few days/weeks/months you've realized that the relationship isn't what you need/want. Make it about you, not him.
Be strong - and do what serves you best - so you can meet someone who is right.
Amy
reply to Blondie
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My Cousin's Husband says I should put it on him. He is not an aggressive type, so he thinks I need to light a little fire under his ass.
reply to Blondie
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Raven wrote: Call him and tell him you won't be seeing him anymore.
reply to Blondie
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Specifically, how would you say that?
"Hello, I won't be seeing you anymore. Goodbye" seems a little ripe.
"Hello, I won't be seeing you anymore. Goodbye" seems a little ripe.
reply to Blondie
send this answer to a friendOkay so, now I have the whole picture. If you do like him, I'd give him one more chance.
Invite him over for a nice romantic home cooked meal. See how the evening goes. If he's lost interest, you'll know right away and can use the opportunity to end things.
If he still is interested, well, you'll know that, too. ;o)
Invite him over for a nice romantic home cooked meal. See how the evening goes. If he's lost interest, you'll know right away and can use the opportunity to end things.
If he still is interested, well, you'll know that, too. ;o)
reply to Linda
send this answer to a friendLinda wrote: Okay so, now I have the whole picture. If you do like him, I'd give him one more chance.
Invite him over for a nice romantic home cooked meal. See how the evening goes. If he's lost interest, you'll know right away and can use the opportunity to end things.
If he still is interested, well, you'll know that, too. ;o)
reply to Blondie
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He's interested! It's just lackluster. I've been underwhelmed all along.
reply to Blondie
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Based on how you talk about him, I can tell you're done. So it really doesn't matter where he might think this is headed. It's when, not if. Analyzing the placement of your business card and stuffed animal is you brain's way of trying to find a rationale to let him have chance after chance so you can continue to "chicken out."
Do it the next chance you get. Be kind but be honest. You'll know when the right guy comes along -- it won't be a meted out schedule that sounds like a prescription bottle: 3x per week for 3 months.
Oh, and p.s. It doesn't matter how lame it sounds -- almost all break up speeches are pretty cliche. In the end you'll feel better when you're done, even if it means saying "I think we should just be friends."
Do it the next chance you get. Be kind but be honest. You'll know when the right guy comes along -- it won't be a meted out schedule that sounds like a prescription bottle: 3x per week for 3 months.
Oh, and p.s. It doesn't matter how lame it sounds -- almost all break up speeches are pretty cliche. In the end you'll feel better when you're done, even if it means saying "I think we should just be friends."
reply to Janie
send this answer to a friendBlondie, I'd have to agree with Janie, then. If it's lackluster for you, then he is just not doing it for you. It IS time to move on.
But since you do like him. let him down gently. Just tell him the truth. That you like him, but that the relationship seems to have lost its spark for you. It could be just the thing to get him more motivated and kick that spark up a notch.
At the very least, it will free you up to find Mr. Right.
But since you do like him. let him down gently. Just tell him the truth. That you like him, but that the relationship seems to have lost its spark for you. It could be just the thing to get him more motivated and kick that spark up a notch.
At the very least, it will free you up to find Mr. Right.
reply to Linda
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Blondie,
The unknown can be scary, can't it? While you have listed many clues that are indicating you are walking down the path of 'relationship nowhere' -- there's probably a little part of you that worries that you could be making a mistake.
Trust your instincts on this one. In order, you've noted that you haven't had sex in two weeks in spite of the fact that you've seen each other 6 times.
You don't really want to pose your feelings as a question - because you don't really care what he thinks.
He's too wishy washy for you, his bathroom turns you off, and his online activity leaves you feeling that he's keeping his options open, or worse - keeping you around until he finds someone 'better'.
Consider this - your staying with this guy is keeping you from meeting/dating someone who really turns you on. And it seems to me that igniting your passion deserves more energy than worrying about whether or not someone will think of you negatively for being honest about your feelings.
It's not working for you. Thank him for the time you've spent together and let him know that you will now be moving on. Wish him all the best -- and then walk the talk, and move on.
The unknown can be scary, can't it? While you have listed many clues that are indicating you are walking down the path of 'relationship nowhere' -- there's probably a little part of you that worries that you could be making a mistake.
Trust your instincts on this one. In order, you've noted that you haven't had sex in two weeks in spite of the fact that you've seen each other 6 times.
You don't really want to pose your feelings as a question - because you don't really care what he thinks.
He's too wishy washy for you, his bathroom turns you off, and his online activity leaves you feeling that he's keeping his options open, or worse - keeping you around until he finds someone 'better'.
Consider this - your staying with this guy is keeping you from meeting/dating someone who really turns you on. And it seems to me that igniting your passion deserves more energy than worrying about whether or not someone will think of you negatively for being honest about your feelings.
It's not working for you. Thank him for the time you've spent together and let him know that you will now be moving on. Wish him all the best -- and then walk the talk, and move on.
reply to Sally G.
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: My Cousin's Husband says I should put it on him. He is not an aggressive type, so he thinks I need to light a little fire under his ass.
reply to Bonnie
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Hi Blondie.
You still seem conflicted. I think a touch of old-fashioned Hard To Get might be called for here. Not playing, but really being. You know he's seeing other people, so you should too. See who else is out there, if he misses you and takes his pursuit up a notch, maybe he'll get your interest back...
Best,
B.
You still seem conflicted. I think a touch of old-fashioned Hard To Get might be called for here. Not playing, but really being. You know he's seeing other people, so you should too. See who else is out there, if he misses you and takes his pursuit up a notch, maybe he'll get your interest back...
Best,
B.
reply to Bonnie
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: Specifically, how would you say that?
"Hello, I won't be seeing you anymore. Goodbye" seems a little ripe.
reply to Raven
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(Phone rings.) BTM: Hello?
Blondina: Hey, it's Blondina.
BTM: Hey, how's it going?
Blondina: Great, thanks for asking. Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be out of pocket for a while, so I won't be available in the next few weeks.
BTM: Oh, are you going out of town or something?
Blondina: No, that was me telling you that I don't want to date you anymore.
BTM: Wha... OK , well, why, is everything OK?
Blondina: Yes, I just told you I'm doing great! Well, I've gotta run, see you around.
(Click.)
Blondina: Hey, it's Blondina.
BTM: Hey, how's it going?
Blondina: Great, thanks for asking. Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be out of pocket for a while, so I won't be available in the next few weeks.
BTM: Oh, are you going out of town or something?
Blondina: No, that was me telling you that I don't want to date you anymore.
BTM: Wha... OK , well, why, is everything OK?
Blondina: Yes, I just told you I'm doing great! Well, I've gotta run, see you around.
(Click.)
reply to Raven
send this answer to a friendI would say, "I don't think this is working out. I need a guy to be there 100 % for me and I don't feel like you can provide that."
Don't mince words, don't bust his ba--s, just tell him it's been good, but you need to move on now."
(I live in IL and can deliver a slapping telegram for you, if you like;)
I keed, I keed! (Triumph the insult comic dog is my inspiration)
Don't mince words, don't bust his ba--s, just tell him it's been good, but you need to move on now."
(I live in IL and can deliver a slapping telegram for you, if you like;)
I keed, I keed! (Triumph the insult comic dog is my inspiration)
reply to LadyMama
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As a dude, I feel the easiest way to be dumped is over the phone or internet.
God, I hate to say it.
But honestly if a girl is no longer interested in me I don't want to have a conversation about it. I want to log off MSN, put on my crying shoes and walk my butt to McDonalds.
(my other girlfriend)
God, I hate to say it.
But honestly if a girl is no longer interested in me I don't want to have a conversation about it. I want to log off MSN, put on my crying shoes and walk my butt to McDonalds.
(my other girlfriend)
reply to Andrew Hunt
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It sounds like you care more than you want to believe. You said that you don't care where this is really leading (in response to your cousin's husband's advice), yet you've noticed the evidence of your part in his life openly displayed in his apartment. With regard to the black hairs on the bathroom floor, have you discussed that you wouldn't be seeing other people?
If you haven't, you can't expect that he wouldn't unless his feelings have progressed on their own in that direction. If you really don't care or at least feel yourself heading that way, call him and tell him that you enjoy being with him, but you don't really feel that it will progress beyond "hanging out". If he agrees, then you know where you stand and you can open up your calendar ie not be so available to him. If he sees more potential then you can raise the issue of the wishy washiness.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Laura
If you haven't, you can't expect that he wouldn't unless his feelings have progressed on their own in that direction. If you really don't care or at least feel yourself heading that way, call him and tell him that you enjoy being with him, but you don't really feel that it will progress beyond "hanging out". If he agrees, then you know where you stand and you can open up your calendar ie not be so available to him. If he sees more potential then you can raise the issue of the wishy washiness.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Laura
reply to Laura
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Dearest Blondie,
Five Ways To Break-Up:
1. Text him something like, "U R NOT LOVN ME BF! ITS OVER. TTFN FOREVS!
2. Leave a voice mail message advising him that you've been picked to advise Barack Obama on policy matters and are leaving for DC shortly.
3. Change your cell phone number.
4. Hang a Bird Flu Quarantine sign on your apartment door.
5. Call his mom and tell her he's cheating on you and its over.
Five Ways To Break-Up:
1. Text him something like, "U R NOT LOVN ME BF! ITS OVER. TTFN FOREVS!
2. Leave a voice mail message advising him that you've been picked to advise Barack Obama on policy matters and are leaving for DC shortly.
3. Change your cell phone number.
4. Hang a Bird Flu Quarantine sign on your apartment door.
5. Call his mom and tell her he's cheating on you and its over.
reply to G.
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Just sit right down with him and tell him the truth. Sorry, but that's the best way, albeit not the easiest.
Start with the compliments, "You're a nice guy, you're sweet, you're smart...." etc. "But it's not working for me/I just don't feel like it's going somewhere/I don't want to lead you on, waste your time..."
Remember and maybe remind him that every break up can put you nearer to maybe finding the right one.
Start with the compliments, "You're a nice guy, you're sweet, you're smart...." etc. "But it's not working for me/I just don't feel like it's going somewhere/I don't want to lead you on, waste your time..."
Remember and maybe remind him that every break up can put you nearer to maybe finding the right one.
reply to Adrianne
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Blondie wrote: He's interested! It's just lackluster. I've been underwhelmed all along.
reply to Alek
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He will not change. He will not emerge from a cocoon, spread his wings and blossom into who you want him to be. You cannot grab ahold of his spine and twist him like a balloon animal into the BMG that would be ideal for your needs.
Unless you play manipulation games, which anyone with half a heart and a quarter of a brain would advise against, this is all you're going to get.
Raven's advice is spectacular. Simple, quick, unemotional, limited theatrics.
Unless you play manipulation games, which anyone with half a heart and a quarter of a brain would advise against, this is all you're going to get.
Raven's advice is spectacular. Simple, quick, unemotional, limited theatrics.
reply to Alek
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I don't think I ever did the formal break-up thing... just makes things weird and uncomfortable which guys run from.
If you still have an interest, I'd say just match your detectable interest level to his and let it ride. From my experience, once a guy senses that you don't seem to notice or care that he's pulling away, he starts to wonder if it's him or you and becomes much more interested.
But do love the set up your own active match.com profile for him to come across idea... could be great fun. Some guys are like jumpy fish.. you've got to give them some line now and again if you ever hope to land 'em.
If you still have an interest, I'd say just match your detectable interest level to his and let it ride. From my experience, once a guy senses that you don't seem to notice or care that he's pulling away, he starts to wonder if it's him or you and becomes much more interested.
But do love the set up your own active match.com profile for him to come across idea... could be great fun. Some guys are like jumpy fish.. you've got to give them some line now and again if you ever hope to land 'em.
reply to Denise
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: He's interested! It's just lackluster. I've been underwhelmed all along.
reply to Denise
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skimmed over this one too quickly... if you have indeed been "underwhelmed all along"... then I'm with Alex... it just isn't there.... cut him loose.
reply to Denise
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Scrawl the message "You're out" on a baseball in thick black sharpie and throw it through his window. If you can aim well enough to have it shatter his TV in the middle of the world series, or computer monitor mid match.com search, all the better.
reply to Maddie Mae
send this answer to a friendI agree with Laura, you said you two were "seeing" each other, but if you never agreed to be exclusive, you can't just assume that's what would happen. If you did agree to be monogamous, well, you already know what to do after finding another woman's hair on his bathroom floor. If he was serious about the relationship, it wouldn't have been there. Good luck!
reply to a
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You said he was too wishy-washy.... it seems you are a bit wishy-washy, too, my dear. Just pull the band-aid and get it over with. Then you can move on and quit worrying about this.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
reply to Crissy
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A good friend once told me to do it as if you were ripping off a band-aid - short and quick, then get the hell outta there. Don't drag it out.
Forget about the hairs, the card, etc... and move on.
The 3 month mark is hardly a time to stop having sex.
While cute, Berger was NOT a keeper.
Forget about the hairs, the card, etc... and move on.
The 3 month mark is hardly a time to stop having sex.
While cute, Berger was NOT a keeper.
reply to Sam
send this answer to a friendTry this: 'I have a huge problem and you're seem to be quite far down the list of who I want an opinion from on it. That probably means no matter how long we flog this thing, it's over. We may as well face it'. And then stop moaning and groaning to every single person who is NOT involved. That's if you really want to know 'HOW' to break up with him.
If the real question is you want to know IF you should break up with him, the answer is: Yes. People don't solicit opinions to find out how to break up. They do it to find out how to feel okay about doing it.
If the real question is you want to know IF you should break up with him, the answer is: Yes. People don't solicit opinions to find out how to break up. They do it to find out how to feel okay about doing it.
reply to C.
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Well, if he's Berger. Use a post-it note! "Sorry, I can't. Don't hate me."
Okay, seriously. If you're a SATC fan, you'll be familiar with the episode where the line, "He's just not into you" was born. It has nothing to do with how wonderful you are; this guy is having too much fun playing the field. He doesn't need a fire lit under his ass. He needs to wake and see what a great catch you are. But he probably won't. So, good thing you're dumping him.
You have to go with a style that feels right for you. If it were me, I wouldn't return his call for a couple of days. (That sends a message that you've cooled off; let that settle into his playah brain.) Then I'd be all casual when we chatted, like, "Hey what's up?" Keep the conversation light, and then, when he asks you out, you can reply with something, "I'd really like, to but I don't think it's a good idea anymore." He'll go, "What? Why???" At which point you can say, "I just get the feeling that we want different things from this relationship*. I'm not into dating around, so it's probably not a good idea to for us to see each other anymore...."
* You are using this word strategically. When he hears "relationship" it signals to him what you really want from him, but he'll know he can't give it to you, so he should be gentlemanly and let it end nicely.
Honestly, deep down, he will respect you for the fact that you are standing up for what you want and not willing to settle for something less. He knows he's got a good thing with you: getting to be with you when he wants without having the commitment, AND getting to see whoever else he wants too.
Don't worry about his feelings. He's a big boy. He'll be fine. Worry about yours. A few months down the line, if he comes a-calling again, you can see if you want to go out with him again, depending on whether he's changed or not.
Make the call and forget about him. Onward and upwards, girlfriend. You have expended a lot of mental and emotional energy on this guy already.
Okay, seriously. If you're a SATC fan, you'll be familiar with the episode where the line, "He's just not into you" was born. It has nothing to do with how wonderful you are; this guy is having too much fun playing the field. He doesn't need a fire lit under his ass. He needs to wake and see what a great catch you are. But he probably won't. So, good thing you're dumping him.
You have to go with a style that feels right for you. If it were me, I wouldn't return his call for a couple of days. (That sends a message that you've cooled off; let that settle into his playah brain.) Then I'd be all casual when we chatted, like, "Hey what's up?" Keep the conversation light, and then, when he asks you out, you can reply with something, "I'd really like, to but I don't think it's a good idea anymore." He'll go, "What? Why???" At which point you can say, "I just get the feeling that we want different things from this relationship*. I'm not into dating around, so it's probably not a good idea to for us to see each other anymore...."
* You are using this word strategically. When he hears "relationship" it signals to him what you really want from him, but he'll know he can't give it to you, so he should be gentlemanly and let it end nicely.
Honestly, deep down, he will respect you for the fact that you are standing up for what you want and not willing to settle for something less. He knows he's got a good thing with you: getting to be with you when he wants without having the commitment, AND getting to see whoever else he wants too.
Don't worry about his feelings. He's a big boy. He'll be fine. Worry about yours. A few months down the line, if he comes a-calling again, you can see if you want to go out with him again, depending on whether he's changed or not.
Make the call and forget about him. Onward and upwards, girlfriend. You have expended a lot of mental and emotional energy on this guy already.
reply to Helena
send this answer to a friendWell, you could sign up for Match.com and send the break up email through their interface.
"Dear Wishy Washy,
We are not a Match. dot com.
Kisses,
Blondie"
Ok, so that might not be the most mature solution but, you have to admit, it would be fun. In lieu of that you could still do it in writing. It allows you to organize your thoughts, deliver a clear break up statement, and maintain your chicken-ishness. The in-person break up is overrated. Although many people will say that you MUST do it in person, I say those people get broken up with all too often. If you really intend for it to be over, what's the point? The only result of doing it face to face is a) far too much discomfort on both sides and b) offering the breakee an opportunity to talk you out if it. At least with an email, he saves face and you save yourself from an anxiety attack.
Just make sure you spellcheck.
"Dear Wishy Washy,
We are not a Match. dot com.
Kisses,
Blondie"
Ok, so that might not be the most mature solution but, you have to admit, it would be fun. In lieu of that you could still do it in writing. It allows you to organize your thoughts, deliver a clear break up statement, and maintain your chicken-ishness. The in-person break up is overrated. Although many people will say that you MUST do it in person, I say those people get broken up with all too often. If you really intend for it to be over, what's the point? The only result of doing it face to face is a) far too much discomfort on both sides and b) offering the breakee an opportunity to talk you out if it. At least with an email, he saves face and you save yourself from an anxiety attack.
Just make sure you spellcheck.
reply to Frank
send this answer to a friendIt sounds to me like you need to take your hands off the wheel for a bit, and just let things flow. If you want to be exclusive with him, you need to tell him that, instead of becoming snoop-dog on the case. Ask yourself two questions:
1). Has enough time elasped for me to decide he might /might not be the one?
2) Are you contemplating a break-up as a stealth pre-emptive strike because of your expert sleuthing?
Have you considered posting your own profile to test the waters? I am saying we sometimes tend to rush breathlessly to the last page of the novel just to see how it ends before we've even read the book.How about taking your time, and savouring every chapter until you reach the conclusion naturally?
What your perceive as wish washy might be a great guy taking his time and being cautious with an important choice.
If you really were over him and wanted to dump him, you wouldn't be combing for clues, and searching his profile online.
I think you want him to be more forthcoming and that deserves a face to face sit down conversation. You can't read someone's eyes or body language over the phone. I think you're in the dark and want some answers. You can force a conclusion by breaking up or you can gently tell your guy what's on your mind in a way that's neither accusatory or angry, and see what's really going on.
1). Has enough time elasped for me to decide he might /might not be the one?
2) Are you contemplating a break-up as a stealth pre-emptive strike because of your expert sleuthing?
Have you considered posting your own profile to test the waters? I am saying we sometimes tend to rush breathlessly to the last page of the novel just to see how it ends before we've even read the book.How about taking your time, and savouring every chapter until you reach the conclusion naturally?
What your perceive as wish washy might be a great guy taking his time and being cautious with an important choice.
If you really were over him and wanted to dump him, you wouldn't be combing for clues, and searching his profile online.
I think you want him to be more forthcoming and that deserves a face to face sit down conversation. You can't read someone's eyes or body language over the phone. I think you're in the dark and want some answers. You can force a conclusion by breaking up or you can gently tell your guy what's on your mind in a way that's neither accusatory or angry, and see what's really going on.
reply to Deborah
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Raven wrote: (Phone rings.) BTM: Hello?
Blondina: Hey, it's Blondina.
BTM: Hey, how's it going?
Blondina: Great, thanks for asking. Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be out of pocket for a while, so I won't be available in the next few weeks.
BTM: Oh, are you going out of town or something?
Blondina: No, that was me telling you that I don't want to date you anymore.
BTM: Wha... OK , well, why, is everything OK?
Blondina: Yes, I just told you I'm doing great! Well, I've gotta run, see you around.
(Click.)
reply to Franny
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I'm all for this scenario! I don't like the idea of anyone feeling like they aren't getting the time/attention/respect they deserve.
It's not worth being with someone who makes you feel like you're not a priority.
It's not worth being with someone who makes you feel like you're not a priority.
reply to Franny
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Blondie,
You said something really key here: "I don't care what he thinks." That clearly says that you are not interested in any sort of commitment. Typically in a relationship, there is the mutual respect and concern for one another's feelings. Quite honestly, it seems as though you want an out without looking like the bad guy.
Understandable -- believe me.
But when you truly are into a person, the little things (i.e., finding little black hairs) don't bother you too much. OR you feel comfortable making a joke out of it and asking him to work on his manners and cleanliness.
But really, it sounds like this is heading toward a disaster if it doesn't end soon. While the "Let's just be friends" doesn't always work, it might be the safest route to go. If I were you, I would end it before it gets too bad. And to spare him heartbreak (even if you don't care what he thinks), the sooner the better.
If it is the differences between you two that are bothering you, then I think it's OK to acknowledge that. Never know -- he might feel the exact same way and was just waiting for you to bring it up.
What I would say NOT to do is use the "It's not you, it's me." Cause truly, in your case, it IS his habits that are bothering you!
Good luck. Break-ups are always awkward.
You said something really key here: "I don't care what he thinks." That clearly says that you are not interested in any sort of commitment. Typically in a relationship, there is the mutual respect and concern for one another's feelings. Quite honestly, it seems as though you want an out without looking like the bad guy.
Understandable -- believe me.
But when you truly are into a person, the little things (i.e., finding little black hairs) don't bother you too much. OR you feel comfortable making a joke out of it and asking him to work on his manners and cleanliness.
But really, it sounds like this is heading toward a disaster if it doesn't end soon. While the "Let's just be friends" doesn't always work, it might be the safest route to go. If I were you, I would end it before it gets too bad. And to spare him heartbreak (even if you don't care what he thinks), the sooner the better.
If it is the differences between you two that are bothering you, then I think it's OK to acknowledge that. Never know -- he might feel the exact same way and was just waiting for you to bring it up.
What I would say NOT to do is use the "It's not you, it's me." Cause truly, in your case, it IS his habits that are bothering you!
Good luck. Break-ups are always awkward.
reply to Elana
send this answer to a friendI think a sit down conversation is in order. But first you have to decide what you really want from him. Once you have be open and honest because that is the only way to move forward. This stuff always gets compounded by how each of you is reacting to each other. It's a slippery slope. I say a sit down conversation because I don't think you would be asking for advice if you just wanted to dump him. You obviously see things in him that you like and it's made you stay around this long. Decide if the things you like out weigh the things you don't. If the pros out weigh the cons than pitch him an idea to take the relationship to the next level.
reply to Devin
send this answer to a friendSend him a cold turkey sandwich with a nice sweet note that says "Enjoy! It was Ho HUm while it lasted."
I bet he has other business cards and stuffed animals that he strategically places on that tray.
You might be thinking the black strands of hair belong to the very untidy maid's who is overpaid in this case, or maybe a sister who is borrowing his bathroom , or worse, a neighbor......ewwww!
I really don't think you care too much anyway. Why are you stressing over this. Cold Turkey, baby! He can share it with the poor unfortunate woman that is losing her black hair.
I bet he has other business cards and stuffed animals that he strategically places on that tray.
You might be thinking the black strands of hair belong to the very untidy maid's who is overpaid in this case, or maybe a sister who is borrowing his bathroom , or worse, a neighbor......ewwww!
I really don't think you care too much anyway. Why are you stressing over this. Cold Turkey, baby! He can share it with the poor unfortunate woman that is losing her black hair.
reply to Jette
send this answer to a friendHi Blondie: I don’t want to insult you by bringing up that old blond stereotype but… pul-eeze stop thinking like a dumb blond! If you’ve only been dating this chap a few months, and haven’t discussed with him whether or not you’re looking for an exclusive relationship -- don’t be surprised that he’s still exploring his options. This could also account for his wishy-washy behavior toward you. He hasn’t made up his mind, which is fine, because it sounds like you haven’t either. I always believe that after three or four months the true personality of the person you’re dating starts to emerge as they relax around you enough to reveal their true selves (hence the scattered black hairs). Now that it you’ve started to see an inkling of what he’s like and you may-be-losing-interest-but-are-not-yet-ready -to -throw -in -the -towel, be truthful and tell him it’s fine if you still hang out together but you know he’s exploring other options and you’d like to do that, too.
People make a big mistake by looking at everyone they date as potential marriage material. You can still have a good time with a person without torturing yourself about whether he’s “the one” or not. My advice: Have fun with him and keep looking.
People make a big mistake by looking at everyone they date as potential marriage material. You can still have a good time with a person without torturing yourself about whether he’s “the one” or not. My advice: Have fun with him and keep looking.
reply to Evelyn
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You're not going to change him from Mr. Wishy Washy no spine into aggressive devoted lovah. You're not. Believe me, been there, dated that. You have to accept who he is, what you need and that you two are just not that compatible. If he's actively on match.com and has black hairs all over his bathroom, then he knows this already and likely is trying to find a way to pull the plug himself. Keep it short and clean and just do it.
reply to D
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Honey its the 21st century...so you go right ahead and muster up the nerve to pour your heart out in an intimate Email.
reply to LaRay
send this answer to a friendBlondie-
First of all, do you want this relationship to go somewhere? That should be the first question you ask yourself. If the answer is “yes,” then you’re cheating the both of you out of an opportunity to progress by breaking up with him. Besides, is it possible that you’re giving him the same “wishy washy” signals that you’re sensing from him? If you’re acting less interested than you actually are just so you don’t have to be the first to put yourself out there, then he has good reason to be a little detached. If you, in fact, do like him and want give the relationship a fair try, then you should tell him that. What do you have to lose? After all, you were going to break up with the guy anyway, right?
Now, if you do actually want to end things with him, you might want to reconsider your breakup speech. If you say you’re throwing in the towel because he’s not into it, when the real reason is that you’re not into it, what do you do when he says that this whole time he was crazy about you and just didn’t want to scare you away? Yikes. Good luck backtracking on that one.
You might want to leave the details about the Match.com status and mystery hair out of the conversation until you two have a firm idea of what you both want. If you both decide you want to give it a try, put the jealous girlfriend role aside until you both have the rules laid out on the table. Good luck, and be honest.
-Bekah
First of all, do you want this relationship to go somewhere? That should be the first question you ask yourself. If the answer is “yes,” then you’re cheating the both of you out of an opportunity to progress by breaking up with him. Besides, is it possible that you’re giving him the same “wishy washy” signals that you’re sensing from him? If you’re acting less interested than you actually are just so you don’t have to be the first to put yourself out there, then he has good reason to be a little detached. If you, in fact, do like him and want give the relationship a fair try, then you should tell him that. What do you have to lose? After all, you were going to break up with the guy anyway, right?
Now, if you do actually want to end things with him, you might want to reconsider your breakup speech. If you say you’re throwing in the towel because he’s not into it, when the real reason is that you’re not into it, what do you do when he says that this whole time he was crazy about you and just didn’t want to scare you away? Yikes. Good luck backtracking on that one.
You might want to leave the details about the Match.com status and mystery hair out of the conversation until you two have a firm idea of what you both want. If you both decide you want to give it a try, put the jealous girlfriend role aside until you both have the rules laid out on the table. Good luck, and be honest.
-Bekah
reply to Rebekah
send this answer to a friendIf your not happy with the guy just keep it real with him. Hey there's nothing to feel guilty or bitter. Not having sex with your boyfriend for two weeks is bitter. LOL. Remember this is your life and you deserve to be happy so if it's not working out just tell em alrealdy.
reply to sheron
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OK forget about Mr. Wish Wash for a sec cause it sounds like he’s about to be all washed up anyways.
The question is: what do you want?
Guys like Wish Wash are a dime-a-dozen. Just can’t steer themselves clear of their fear to commit. Nice, smart, cute, funny guys that are terrified of true intimacy and have a tough time really loving one person. Some of them live and die suffering from this malady. You kind have to feel sorry for them, cause they’re really missing out.
But guess what, you can’t fix em’.
You need to get crystal clear about what you want, if not, you are guilty of having wishy washyitis too.
So what’s it gonna be? Mr. Wish Wash or Mr. Crazy Bout Cha. Cause if he’s not crazy about you in the early stages; think about what it’ll be like in 20 years. Usually, the first few months are full of wacky chemistry, the excitement of a new thang. After that, if you really start to get to know each other, and you like what you see, then you can keep on with it.
If he’s not crazy about you, and he’s not really what you want, than you wasting your time. No need for of a reenactment of a Nancy Drew drama, just say “I’ve had a really good time with you but this relationship is not a good fit for me.” Short, sweet and drama free. And remember, every day you spend tied to Mr. Non-committal, is a day you could spend being available for Mr. Crazy Bout Cha, so just do it.
The question is: what do you want?
Guys like Wish Wash are a dime-a-dozen. Just can’t steer themselves clear of their fear to commit. Nice, smart, cute, funny guys that are terrified of true intimacy and have a tough time really loving one person. Some of them live and die suffering from this malady. You kind have to feel sorry for them, cause they’re really missing out.
But guess what, you can’t fix em’.
You need to get crystal clear about what you want, if not, you are guilty of having wishy washyitis too.
So what’s it gonna be? Mr. Wish Wash or Mr. Crazy Bout Cha. Cause if he’s not crazy about you in the early stages; think about what it’ll be like in 20 years. Usually, the first few months are full of wacky chemistry, the excitement of a new thang. After that, if you really start to get to know each other, and you like what you see, then you can keep on with it.
If he’s not crazy about you, and he’s not really what you want, than you wasting your time. No need for of a reenactment of a Nancy Drew drama, just say “I’ve had a really good time with you but this relationship is not a good fit for me.” Short, sweet and drama free. And remember, every day you spend tied to Mr. Non-committal, is a day you could spend being available for Mr. Crazy Bout Cha, so just do it.
reply to Aleta
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Well, I don't know if my advice is the most constructive, but for a guy who does not value me as the bewitching creature I am, I would get a little sadistic.
Meaning I would very suggestively request that he meets me up at a hip bar for a cocktail, claiming an inexplicable sudden need to see him, asap. Then I would put on my most seductive red dress (lips to match, he won't get to kiss you) and head over there.
After the first cucumber martini, I'd look at him weirdly, as if he had an insect stomped in his face, which would prompt him to ask what's wrong, and then I'd deliver the punch line:
"Dunno, all of the sudden I'm not feeling you anymore. Sorry"
reply to Keka
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Blondie,
It doesn’t sound like you have too much respect for this guy. You say you don’t even care for his opinion. Is the fact that he sends mixed signals the only thing you don’t like about him? If you could be sure he was into you, would you want to continue seeing him? If the answer is yes, you should be honest with him. Tell him you need to know if he wants to make it work or not. But, if he’s too wishy and way too washy, give him the boot. (Be civil, of course. Even if you don’t respect him, it’s a good idea to show respect. It’ll come back to you.)
It doesn’t sound like you have too much respect for this guy. You say you don’t even care for his opinion. Is the fact that he sends mixed signals the only thing you don’t like about him? If you could be sure he was into you, would you want to continue seeing him? If the answer is yes, you should be honest with him. Tell him you need to know if he wants to make it work or not. But, if he’s too wishy and way too washy, give him the boot. (Be civil, of course. Even if you don’t respect him, it’s a good idea to show respect. It’ll come back to you.)
reply to Abigail
send this answer to a friendLaRay wrote: Honey its the 21st century...so you go right ahead and muster up the nerve to pour your heart out in an intimate Email.
reply to Maddie Mae
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"Intimate email" is a complete contradiction of terms. I'm sticking with my baseball-through-the-window suggestion.
reply to Maddie Mae
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It looks like the answer is right in front of your face: your boufriend is probably sleeping with someone else. Before you freak out and dump him, you do owe it to him (and yourself) to sit down and talk about it. If he's obviously really uncomfortable during the conversation, assume it's over. If he was interested in having a future with you, he wouldn't be so wishy-washy.
reply to Sasha
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Dear Blondie,
There is absolutley no excuse for staying in a relationship that you're not comfortable in. That said, you don't want to break up with him via the phone either. You should tell him that you want to break up face to face, thats only fair, right? But do let him know where you stand without blaming it all on him, tell him that you just don't think this relationship is satisfying you anymore and that personally you feel it needs to end. Hopefully he'll understand.
Good luck
There is absolutley no excuse for staying in a relationship that you're not comfortable in. That said, you don't want to break up with him via the phone either. You should tell him that you want to break up face to face, thats only fair, right? But do let him know where you stand without blaming it all on him, tell him that you just don't think this relationship is satisfying you anymore and that personally you feel it needs to end. Hopefully he'll understand.
Good luck
reply to Anna
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If you're not invested in this relationship, why stay? It seems like you're treating him like a creditor you're avoiding.
Time to be honest, tell him the truth and move on. The only other alternative is sticking around until you fall into marriage and children and find you hate him as much as he is beginning to hate you. Honesty is the best policy. It only hurts for a moment and you'll notice a distinct lightness in your step and you can pick up the phone again without worrying who's on the other end of the line.
Time to be honest, tell him the truth and move on. The only other alternative is sticking around until you fall into marriage and children and find you hate him as much as he is beginning to hate you. Honesty is the best policy. It only hurts for a moment and you'll notice a distinct lightness in your step and you can pick up the phone again without worrying who's on the other end of the line.
reply to JM
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: Mostly because I sense he is pulling back. I do like him, but I don't feel like he is crazy about me. Which makes me not very crazy about him.
He is intelligent, a very nice guy and we're compatible. If only there was more passion...
reply to JM
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Well, no passion, no need to stick around. There are more passionate fish in the sea and you're not going to get your share sticking around wondering how he feels.
reply to JM
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Dear Blondie,
If the only reason you want to call it quits now, is because you feel he may be pulling away...then you need to make certain that that is exactly what is going on.
The only way, however, you are going to find out what is going on, is to be upfront and honest about how you are feeling. Don't sugar coat it or beat around the bush. Just come right out and ask him.
Let him know that you want to talk to him about something important. Tell him how you are feeling. And then ask him if this is the relationship that he wants. Sure, it seems a bit risky, you know, to put your heart and emotions on the line that way. But wouldn't you rather find out the truth now than to walk away, and may have ended a relationship that was actually meant to be because of crossed signals?
Get bold and speak your mind.
Let me know how it turns out!
Best Regards,
Rue
If the only reason you want to call it quits now, is because you feel he may be pulling away...then you need to make certain that that is exactly what is going on.
The only way, however, you are going to find out what is going on, is to be upfront and honest about how you are feeling. Don't sugar coat it or beat around the bush. Just come right out and ask him.
Let him know that you want to talk to him about something important. Tell him how you are feeling. And then ask him if this is the relationship that he wants. Sure, it seems a bit risky, you know, to put your heart and emotions on the line that way. But wouldn't you rather find out the truth now than to walk away, and may have ended a relationship that was actually meant to be because of crossed signals?
Get bold and speak your mind.
Let me know how it turns out!
Best Regards,
Rue
reply to Rue
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
I'm going to advice as best as I can with my inabillty to type well.
Do you remenber this one guy I started dating right after my last boyfriend literally dump me. Well this guy was all into me and we had loads of fun together he called me beautiful and was super duper nice.
Well I noticed all of a sudden he was not THAT interested in
me he would return my calls and attempt to see me and ask me out all the time in the beginning but then he just lost interest he did kinda make an very bad attempt to be their.
So this is what I did, one day after he had promised to see me and he could not AGAIN I flat out told him that I would no longer call him and that when he felt ready to see me he could call me.
He never did.
I'm going to advice as best as I can with my inabillty to type well.
Do you remenber this one guy I started dating right after my last boyfriend literally dump me. Well this guy was all into me and we had loads of fun together he called me beautiful and was super duper nice.
Well I noticed all of a sudden he was not THAT interested in
me he would return my calls and attempt to see me and ask me out all the time in the beginning but then he just lost interest he did kinda make an very bad attempt to be their.
So this is what I did, one day after he had promised to see me and he could not AGAIN I flat out told him that I would no longer call him and that when he felt ready to see me he could call me.
He never did.
reply to Chia
send this answer to a friendHey Blondie-
I'm gonna answer your question of "What is the best way to break up with someone you have been seeing 3x per week, but haven't had sex with in over 2 weeks"
My advice....if it's not working get out NOW! Relationships are supposed to be easy. I am not saying they aren't hard at times, but if you are struggling with this guy and whether he is right or wrong and you don't "feel" into it, then I say pull the band-aid. If it's on the phone, so be it. If it's in person, so be it. I think its best to break up with someone how you would like to be broken up with. Remember, Karma can be a bitch. By getting out now, when you know/feel it isn't going to work will save you lots of time and aggrivation down the line. Next thing you know, it's a week later and it hasn't been the right time. Then it's 3 weeks later and a month and the behavior has changed.
Just make the call or do it in person, but do it however you FEEL best doing it.
Never easy, but as a guy, I think in person is just classier.
Good luck.
I'm gonna answer your question of "What is the best way to break up with someone you have been seeing 3x per week, but haven't had sex with in over 2 weeks"
My advice....if it's not working get out NOW! Relationships are supposed to be easy. I am not saying they aren't hard at times, but if you are struggling with this guy and whether he is right or wrong and you don't "feel" into it, then I say pull the band-aid. If it's on the phone, so be it. If it's in person, so be it. I think its best to break up with someone how you would like to be broken up with. Remember, Karma can be a bitch. By getting out now, when you know/feel it isn't going to work will save you lots of time and aggrivation down the line. Next thing you know, it's a week later and it hasn't been the right time. Then it's 3 weeks later and a month and the behavior has changed.
Just make the call or do it in person, but do it however you FEEL best doing it.
Never easy, but as a guy, I think in person is just classier.
Good luck.
reply to M
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M wrote: Hey Blondie-
I'm gonna answer your question of "What is the best way to break up with someone you have been seeing 3x per week, but haven't had sex with in over 2 weeks"
My advice....if it's not working get out NOW! Relationships are supposed to be easy. I am not saying they aren't hard at times, but if you are struggling with this guy and whether he is right or wrong and you don't "feel" into it, then I say pull the band-aid. If it's on the phone, so be it. If it's in person, so be it. I think its best to break up with someone how you would like to be broken up with. Remember, Karma can be a bitch. By getting out now, when you know/feel it isn't going to work will save you lots of time and aggrivation down the line. Next thing you know, it's a week later and it hasn't been the right time. Then it's 3 weeks later and a month and the behavior has changed.
Just make the call or do it in person, but do it however you FEEL best doing it.
Never easy, but as a guy, I think in person is just classier.
Good luck.
reply to Bella
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Wow spot on advice!! I hope you take it!
reply to Bella
send this answer to a friendHi!
I read your dilemma and the responses so far, and I feel like I need to know a little more of what your true feelings are about this guy. I get that the sex isn't as frequent as you want, but he does see you 3 times a week? I'm assuming he calls you appropriately and often, or no?
Granted I don't know all the details, but it sounds to me like you kind of like this guy, but aren't getting validation as you are used to...in the form of sex. This then makes him appear to be wishy washy about his desire and like of you because sex, and a lot of it, is what you feel is the "true" measure of someone's like of you? Please forgive me if I am being presumptuous, or just don't know enough of all the details.
Personally, if someone is seeing you 3 times a week that leaves little time for other people. The fact he is craving sex less, may have more to do with his work/stress than you. I do want to stress that if someone is seeing you 3 times a week they really do like your company:)...and superficial sex comes second...no pun intended. You actually might have a real gentleman on your hands and you don't know what to do with yourself.
As far as match.com goes and hair on the bathroom floor... It sounds like you are jealous in a good way, and you need to have the boyfriend / girlfriend talk to initiate exclusivity, and truly start on the path of building the foundation of a strong, communicative relationship. Yay!!
BUT, again, I feel like I need more info. If this guy is boring you AND not at least giving you the sex you want than definitely move on. The phone is fine. You can't change boring, personality conflicts, or value systems.
My gut says (and please take in a loving way,) you like this guy and you have a bit of a low self-esteem and have attached sexual relations to the validation of your worth. I too suffer of a little of that. My advice, is to float above all these little Nancy Drew moments and look at what you have and like, and what you may be afraid of but need to slowly go forward and mend. This guy might be a piece to your personal puzzle of self that will bring you true love.
I wish you strength in deciphering where you really are at in this relationship, and forging forward to find a healthy relationship:)!
tiffany
I read your dilemma and the responses so far, and I feel like I need to know a little more of what your true feelings are about this guy. I get that the sex isn't as frequent as you want, but he does see you 3 times a week? I'm assuming he calls you appropriately and often, or no?
Granted I don't know all the details, but it sounds to me like you kind of like this guy, but aren't getting validation as you are used to...in the form of sex. This then makes him appear to be wishy washy about his desire and like of you because sex, and a lot of it, is what you feel is the "true" measure of someone's like of you? Please forgive me if I am being presumptuous, or just don't know enough of all the details.
Personally, if someone is seeing you 3 times a week that leaves little time for other people. The fact he is craving sex less, may have more to do with his work/stress than you. I do want to stress that if someone is seeing you 3 times a week they really do like your company:)...and superficial sex comes second...no pun intended. You actually might have a real gentleman on your hands and you don't know what to do with yourself.
As far as match.com goes and hair on the bathroom floor... It sounds like you are jealous in a good way, and you need to have the boyfriend / girlfriend talk to initiate exclusivity, and truly start on the path of building the foundation of a strong, communicative relationship. Yay!!
BUT, again, I feel like I need more info. If this guy is boring you AND not at least giving you the sex you want than definitely move on. The phone is fine. You can't change boring, personality conflicts, or value systems.
My gut says (and please take in a loving way,) you like this guy and you have a bit of a low self-esteem and have attached sexual relations to the validation of your worth. I too suffer of a little of that. My advice, is to float above all these little Nancy Drew moments and look at what you have and like, and what you may be afraid of but need to slowly go forward and mend. This guy might be a piece to your personal puzzle of self that will bring you true love.
I wish you strength in deciphering where you really are at in this relationship, and forging forward to find a healthy relationship:)!
tiffany
reply to TIFFANY
send this answer to a friendI don't believe in a "best way" to break up with anyone. But you guys never made it to the exclusive talk, you've compared him to Berger, you said you don't care what he thinks, so if it were me I'd just stop taking phone calls and not answer the door. If that didn't work and I did have to talk to him for some reason, I'd just be conveniently busy then.
reply to Whistlebait
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Blondie wrote: My Cousin's Husband says I should put it on him. He is not an aggressive type, so he thinks I need to light a little fire under his ass.
Darling, no. Read. N-O. We don't ask for sex. End it. The death knell has tolled.
Darling, no. Read. N-O. We don't ask for sex. End it. The death knell has tolled.
reply to Ali Q.
send this answer to a friendAli Q. wrote: Blondie wrote: My Cousin's Husband says I should put it on him. He is not an aggressive type, so he thinks I need to light a little fire under his ass.
Darling, no. Read. N-O. We don't ask for sex. End it. The death knell has tolled.
reply to Maddie Mae
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If I'm not mistaken, Miss Blondie was referring to transferring responsibility for maintaining/ending the relationship to the fella.
reply to Maddie Mae
send this answer to a friendHmmm... you may just be right! It's clear what's on my brain! I still say end it.
reply to Ali Q.
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What you need to do is make up your mind. Either you DO care what he thinks or you don't. You can't have it both ways.
If you don't care what he thinks, why make a big production over the exit? He's already (still?) slumming online for someone in the interim and has someone leaving a DNA trail in his bathroom. Be done. Be gone. The End.
If you do care what he thinks, you need to make him put out or get out. Tell him everything you know from the hair to the online searches (Btw, why were YOU active on Match.com if you're really interested in this guy?). Demand to be a priority instead of an option.
If you don't care what he thinks, why make a big production over the exit? He's already (still?) slumming online for someone in the interim and has someone leaving a DNA trail in his bathroom. Be done. Be gone. The End.
If you do care what he thinks, you need to make him put out or get out. Tell him everything you know from the hair to the online searches (Btw, why were YOU active on Match.com if you're really interested in this guy?). Demand to be a priority instead of an option.
reply to Senobia
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Blondie-
Life is too precious and SHORT to waste your time and his. I am going to tell you what I would do. You come to this site and you voice your problem and got many responses.
We all want Blondie happy, content, and dating a guy that is not going to make you feel this way.
Call him and ask him over to dinner. Why not? You have to eat too right? You don't want to end the friendship; but you do want to end the 'Relationship'.
When he comes over tell him straight out and to his face. This is not something that you can do over the phone. Stick to being a classy chic, and just let him know that you feel that he is not meeting you half way. That you have given this matter a lot of your time and energy and you want out.
You are a pretty girl, and you will find someone else.
Communication is the key word here. The minute you see something does not feel right, act on it!!!!! Don't let it drag like this one. You deserve your time well spend and in the right company.
I wish you all the best and keep me posted.
Olga
Life is too precious and SHORT to waste your time and his. I am going to tell you what I would do. You come to this site and you voice your problem and got many responses.
We all want Blondie happy, content, and dating a guy that is not going to make you feel this way.
Call him and ask him over to dinner. Why not? You have to eat too right? You don't want to end the friendship; but you do want to end the 'Relationship'.
When he comes over tell him straight out and to his face. This is not something that you can do over the phone. Stick to being a classy chic, and just let him know that you feel that he is not meeting you half way. That you have given this matter a lot of your time and energy and you want out.
You are a pretty girl, and you will find someone else.
Communication is the key word here. The minute you see something does not feel right, act on it!!!!! Don't let it drag like this one. You deserve your time well spend and in the right company.
I wish you all the best and keep me posted.
Olga
reply to Olga
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First rule of the game, to your own self be true. It is absolutely no use dragging on a relationship, then there is no charm or passion left in it. You're confused about the mixed signals -- business card et al, and that makes you think that he still has deep feelings for you and you do not want to hurt him at all. In the long run, it would be kinder to the both of you to have a frank talk with all your cards on the table, telling him that you want to call it a day. If he is sensible, he's going to accept your decision. If he wants to argue, you can repeat, (in ultimatum mode), that enough’s enough, he should get on with his life and allow you to get on with yours.
reply to Nina
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From one blondie to another.... the biggest sign of a problem is no sex for two weeks... that equals to no serious heat between the two of you... no heat in the beginning is not the best way to start...having said that, ifyou just don't get weak and not call and occupy your mind with something else, he will come back around and then you have to make him work for it... if he doesn't come back then he really wasn't that in to you and you don't want him, if he does, then make him work for it... that's the only way men know how to get things...if they have to sweat for it...so make him sweat...but if you really want to break it off and can't decide how, which is what the beginning of your question asked about.. try something that I just tried and it worked brilliantly... wait and the next time he calls to asks you out (yes you have to wait for him) then tell him you don't feel any heat with him... if he's serious about you, he'll want to provide that heat again and he'll get back to work and if he's not that in to you, then he'll be embarrassed and just scurry away.... but the last thing I would do is get all mushy and lovey when you don't feel any heat... that justs scares them and makes you look desperate... good luck...
reply to page
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Unfortunately, relationships aren't quite like what we see in the movies. Eyes meet across a crowded room, a flirtatious exchange of witty banter, followed by the a whirlwind romance that leads to marriage and family and a wall covered with classy and sophisticated black and white photos of you and your family. No, real life is somewhat blahsay in comparison.
As E. Jean has mentioned, the chase IS everything. Particularly for younger couples, the excitement comes from the thrill of the unknown. Once the mystery is gone, so is the spark. While reigniting a flame later on in a relationship is normal, it should be understood that the everyday hum-drum of it all will be boring. Until two people are completely comfortable with the idea of everyday life being somewhat monotonous, every relationship will feel like it is becoming progressively more dull by the day.
If you care enough about him to stick it out through this dull patch, maybe you'll see there's more to your relationship than you thought.
But, if you truly are ready to give him the 'ol heeve-ho, just be honest with him. Getting dumped never feels good, no matter how gentle you go about it, but if you're honest and up front about it from the get-go, he'll still respect you for it after it's done. And who knows, you may even gain a good friend out of this.
As E. Jean has mentioned, the chase IS everything. Particularly for younger couples, the excitement comes from the thrill of the unknown. Once the mystery is gone, so is the spark. While reigniting a flame later on in a relationship is normal, it should be understood that the everyday hum-drum of it all will be boring. Until two people are completely comfortable with the idea of everyday life being somewhat monotonous, every relationship will feel like it is becoming progressively more dull by the day.
If you care enough about him to stick it out through this dull patch, maybe you'll see there's more to your relationship than you thought.
But, if you truly are ready to give him the 'ol heeve-ho, just be honest with him. Getting dumped never feels good, no matter how gentle you go about it, but if you're honest and up front about it from the get-go, he'll still respect you for it after it's done. And who knows, you may even gain a good friend out of this.
reply to Sweta
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Blondie
There's nothing worse than a non-existent girlfriend, except one who wishes you didn't exist. Sounds like this guy doesn't read you too well, too.
The easy way is to have "other commitments" for a year or two unless you change your mind. Most guys will take the hint, and either put in a lot more effort or back off. Either way, you'll get a reaction without having to do much.
The alternative is the Quick Dump, which is pretty effective, and you settle the problem by taking a position.
The real problem would be if this situation just dragged on.
There's nothing worse than a non-existent girlfriend, except one who wishes you didn't exist. Sounds like this guy doesn't read you too well, too.
The easy way is to have "other commitments" for a year or two unless you change your mind. Most guys will take the hint, and either put in a lot more effort or back off. Either way, you'll get a reaction without having to do much.
The alternative is the Quick Dump, which is pretty effective, and you settle the problem by taking a position.
The real problem would be if this situation just dragged on.
reply to Paul
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
I need you to ask yourself one question. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself "do I like this guy at all?"
Before answering this question for yourself try to forget all the things that you find endearing but have nothing to do with who he really is: forget how good he is in bed, forget that he has a great job, forget if he looks great in a speedo, even forget the way your toothbrush looks "oh-so-cute" next to his in his bathroom.
Now try to remember the last time he complemented you or made you feel good about yourself. If you have to "try" to remember when he made you feel good, then ask yourself this question: what exactly are you holding on to?
You know you deserve to be treated better than he is treating you. You know you deserve honest communication, the feeling of safety, and love, and this guy seems not to be providing anything more for you than an occasional warm body (and even THAT has not been in the last two weeks). That is evident by the fact that you are contemplating ending it, but you havent taken action. Which means you know these things, but you dont believe them.
You are worth knowing. You are worth loving. In fact, I bet you are a lot of fun to hang out with. If you really are ready to break up with him and not just "take a break", then repeat after me "I need to spend some time alone, soul searching." The underlying concept being that you need to spend some time getting to know the lovable you.
You have already decided its over between you two. Now all you have to do is move on. You close the chapter so that whether he (in his wishy washy way) calls you or not, the end result is still the same: he is out of your life, and you are on to more self-fulfilling wanderings.
When you do start spending time with yourself, maybe you will find the reason you were drawn to the relationship with wishy washy in the first place. With that in mind you can work not to repeat the cycle with the next relationship.
You dont need a guy to validate you as a woman, and although it sometimes gets lonely in the land of the "onesies", it's a whole lot safer knowing that the person you spend all your nights with wont ever leave you and is actually pretty cool to hang out with once you give her a chance (Im talking about you, you sweet thang you).
Namaste,
Erika
I need you to ask yourself one question. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself "do I like this guy at all?"
Before answering this question for yourself try to forget all the things that you find endearing but have nothing to do with who he really is: forget how good he is in bed, forget that he has a great job, forget if he looks great in a speedo, even forget the way your toothbrush looks "oh-so-cute" next to his in his bathroom.
Now try to remember the last time he complemented you or made you feel good about yourself. If you have to "try" to remember when he made you feel good, then ask yourself this question: what exactly are you holding on to?
You know you deserve to be treated better than he is treating you. You know you deserve honest communication, the feeling of safety, and love, and this guy seems not to be providing anything more for you than an occasional warm body (and even THAT has not been in the last two weeks). That is evident by the fact that you are contemplating ending it, but you havent taken action. Which means you know these things, but you dont believe them.
You are worth knowing. You are worth loving. In fact, I bet you are a lot of fun to hang out with. If you really are ready to break up with him and not just "take a break", then repeat after me "I need to spend some time alone, soul searching." The underlying concept being that you need to spend some time getting to know the lovable you.
You have already decided its over between you two. Now all you have to do is move on. You close the chapter so that whether he (in his wishy washy way) calls you or not, the end result is still the same: he is out of your life, and you are on to more self-fulfilling wanderings.
When you do start spending time with yourself, maybe you will find the reason you were drawn to the relationship with wishy washy in the first place. With that in mind you can work not to repeat the cycle with the next relationship.
You dont need a guy to validate you as a woman, and although it sometimes gets lonely in the land of the "onesies", it's a whole lot safer knowing that the person you spend all your nights with wont ever leave you and is actually pretty cool to hang out with once you give her a chance (Im talking about you, you sweet thang you).
Namaste,
Erika
reply to Erika
send this answer to a friendBlondie Darling,
As Sheryl Crow said in her song: He's not strong enough to be your man!
I see both of you are in a different pace, confused interests and the next thing you know the obscure relationship leads to nowhere if kept in silence.
You need to consider these options that will work out for you:
1. There's plenty of fishes in the sea: Men are out there and test the waters as you find someone that caters to your desires.
2. Know your worth. He must be searching for options that's why he is on those dating sites. You are NOT second best!
3. Be Honest to yourself and to him. Lay down your cards, ask him answers to your concerns and voice out your feelings. His words and position about the situation is important in making your decision.
You are beautiful Blondie and you deserve the best!
As Sheryl Crow said in her song: He's not strong enough to be your man!
I see both of you are in a different pace, confused interests and the next thing you know the obscure relationship leads to nowhere if kept in silence.
You need to consider these options that will work out for you:
1. There's plenty of fishes in the sea: Men are out there and test the waters as you find someone that caters to your desires.
2. Know your worth. He must be searching for options that's why he is on those dating sites. You are NOT second best!
3. Be Honest to yourself and to him. Lay down your cards, ask him answers to your concerns and voice out your feelings. His words and position about the situation is important in making your decision.
You are beautiful Blondie and you deserve the best!
reply to paula
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It would seem that niether of you know what you really want from each other at this point.
There is no easy way to confront this, but you must find away to do it.
Just tell him how you fell.
It's time for both of you to move on.
There is no easy way to confront this, but you must find away to do it.
Just tell him how you fell.
It's time for both of you to move on.
reply to Marjorie
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
You do not owe this guy an excuse or even a call. If you've seen him fooling around on a dating site, that in itself is enough to cut him off. Quick.
I think you have already made up your mind, but are seeking permission from yourself to cut him off hard. Go for it! You deserve a warm man to give you the passion you need.
Seriously, letting this guy hang on to you will end up in nothing but resentment and an over-fondness forr a battery operated boyfriend that treats you better than the flesh and blood one.
You do not owe this guy an excuse or even a call. If you've seen him fooling around on a dating site, that in itself is enough to cut him off. Quick.
I think you have already made up your mind, but are seeking permission from yourself to cut him off hard. Go for it! You deserve a warm man to give you the passion you need.
Seriously, letting this guy hang on to you will end up in nothing but resentment and an over-fondness forr a battery operated boyfriend that treats you better than the flesh and blood one.
reply to Julie
send this answer to a friendI don't know, but as a guy he sounds like maybe he's looking for a way to break up with you. No sex isn't a hint its a shout.
Men who don't want to have sex with the women that they are dating are, A. Gay or B. looking for the door
Men who don't want to have sex with the women that they are dating are, A. Gay or B. looking for the door
reply to David
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I can tell from what you're writing that you want to see what is going on in his mind, and further, whether this thing has a chance. In reality, you need both of those pieces of information to either stay together or move on. Deciding whether or not he's wishy-washy can wait for another day.
If you get too emotional or chicken out too much, you could wait for an appropriate time to e-mail him and lay your cards out on the table, and ask him to do the same. From there, you will know what to do.
If you get too emotional or chicken out too much, you could wait for an appropriate time to e-mail him and lay your cards out on the table, and ask him to do the same. From there, you will know what to do.
reply to Elizabeth
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If you haven't had sex in over two weeks, I think both of you already know what's coming...It doens't have to be mean or overly-dramatic. Just say, I'm really looking for more out of a relationship than what you're giving me, I think we should go our separate ways. He'll most likely agree and you can both move on. I personally think a good face to face dumping is good for the soul, but whatever means of communication you use is acceptable.
I once dumped a guy through email after a few dates. He actually thanked me for being honest and we're still friends.
I once dumped a guy through email after a few dates. He actually thanked me for being honest and we're still friends.
reply to Sara
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I think you, yourself, realize deep down, it isn't just him, it's both of you. It takes two people to make a relationship work. It takes one of those two people to make the giant leap to end it-with dignity. From what I read, you're searching for reasons to confront him, when all is needed is a simple,"Let's talk about what we both want, don't want, from this relationship." Not having sex for 2 weeks doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested. My last ex wasn't interested for a month because of stress-yet he didn't know HOW to explain it to me. Men are like this-they're still little boys in a lot of ways, not knowing how to express emotions, or reasons behind their actions. As for keeping the stuffed animal and business card? It's his way of being close to you-without the commitment. The one and only man I can honestly say I have ever truly been in love with, kept a handwritten letter of mine because it smelled like my perfume. He admitted it to me years later, (we're still email buddies), saying it reminded him of a happy time in his life-even though he knew our relationship would never work out. Dig deep within your soul, talk to him-as a friend first. Both of you may learn more about the other and who knows- in the end, the entire situation could be one huge mis-communication between the two of you. If not and it is the end, you'll come out of it feeling better about yourself and possibly a friend you can count on for life.
reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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Honestly, it sounds like you want to end it because you are afraid he is going to end it and you don't want to get hurt but it's often times harder to break up with someone than to get broken up with. In the end it doesn't matter, because eventually one of you will either announce the decision to end it and the other one will be upset. You can either be the one who acts or the one who reacts. Your call.
reply to David
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
I feel your pain. I've had relationships like that where something doesn't seem right. Not wanting to face facts, I would look for signs that everything was okay, but I was afraid to address the situation. You've already taken the first step--you know there is a problem.
What you do next is up to you, but I might suggest you try talking with him and be very up front and honest. If you care about him, this talk should be in person, not by email or phone. And once you speak, LISTEN. Don't be afraid to hear that it's not working. Finding out that it's over today will save you pain and heartache down the line.
Think of the talk as a piece of chocolate cake. If it's warm and mushy and rich, take another bite. If it's dry, crumbly and tasteless, send it back to the kitchen.
Good luck!
I feel your pain. I've had relationships like that where something doesn't seem right. Not wanting to face facts, I would look for signs that everything was okay, but I was afraid to address the situation. You've already taken the first step--you know there is a problem.
What you do next is up to you, but I might suggest you try talking with him and be very up front and honest. If you care about him, this talk should be in person, not by email or phone. And once you speak, LISTEN. Don't be afraid to hear that it's not working. Finding out that it's over today will save you pain and heartache down the line.
Think of the talk as a piece of chocolate cake. If it's warm and mushy and rich, take another bite. If it's dry, crumbly and tasteless, send it back to the kitchen.
Good luck!
reply to Claire
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For goodness sake blondie, from one blonde to another... NIKE dear NIKE Just do it!! Its's not like you're looking to move this relationship forward. His wishy washy self turned you off. So just nicely but directly, cut it off! You're not doing anyone any favors so what are you so scared of? After all, just WHO exactly is being "WISHY WASHY" now? Good luck.. :)
reply to Karen
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Blondie:
This guy sounds like the same guy I kept meeting long ago...Very confusing scenario...
It definitely sounds like you know what you want--out...
So, I think it might work to just mention to him--the next time you're on the phone, preferably (for you)..."I get the feeling that we both may be wanting to give this thing a rest for a while...
To see how we both really feel about each other...What do you think?"
Be ready with a pleasant yet sincere response for either a "yes" or "no" from him.
If you're comfortable doing it, you might just say...If he says he doesn't want time away from
you...that you have felt like you're receiving mixed
signals from him...*and* you yourself are experiencing some doubts about your chances for a long-term relationship with him...
Good luck! If you want to break-up soon, avoid any further physical intimacy.
It will just make things much more difficult for both of you.
This guy sounds like the same guy I kept meeting long ago...Very confusing scenario...
It definitely sounds like you know what you want--out...
So, I think it might work to just mention to him--the next time you're on the phone, preferably (for you)..."I get the feeling that we both may be wanting to give this thing a rest for a while...
To see how we both really feel about each other...What do you think?"
Be ready with a pleasant yet sincere response for either a "yes" or "no" from him.
If you're comfortable doing it, you might just say...If he says he doesn't want time away from
you...that you have felt like you're receiving mixed
signals from him...*and* you yourself are experiencing some doubts about your chances for a long-term relationship with him...
Good luck! If you want to break-up soon, avoid any further physical intimacy.
It will just make things much more difficult for both of you.
reply to Elizabeth
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Blondie.....
I have read most of the above posts. I forget what he does for a living, but could he be worried about his job? That would certainly explain a lot. Or he could be the bearer of bad tidings to his group. I have been there and that sucks too.
He has your stuffed toy on his nightstand. This does not sound like indifference to me.
Need I mention that sex may not be at the top of his mind if he is worried about his livelihood, or knows that he may have to tell a number of people that their services are no longer wanted at his company?
Since I think there could be a distinct possibility that he could be seriously worried from fallout from the economy, I would advise having a general talk about "us" as opposed to giving him the heave-ho.
If you start there.....is something bothering him?.....you can retrace and move forward. Because I think you like the guy. And if he says he just doesn't feel the spark any more, then you both have your answer.
You need to have this talk in person, not over the phone.
I have read most of the above posts. I forget what he does for a living, but could he be worried about his job? That would certainly explain a lot. Or he could be the bearer of bad tidings to his group. I have been there and that sucks too.
He has your stuffed toy on his nightstand. This does not sound like indifference to me.
Need I mention that sex may not be at the top of his mind if he is worried about his livelihood, or knows that he may have to tell a number of people that their services are no longer wanted at his company?
Since I think there could be a distinct possibility that he could be seriously worried from fallout from the economy, I would advise having a general talk about "us" as opposed to giving him the heave-ho.
If you start there.....is something bothering him?.....you can retrace and move forward. Because I think you like the guy. And if he says he just doesn't feel the spark any more, then you both have your answer.
You need to have this talk in person, not over the phone.
reply to Claire
send this answer to a friendBlondie, dear sweet Blondie,
No offense, babe, but you sound a little back and forth on this whole thing yourself. I think the real question you might ask is:
If I don't care how he feels - seriously, why can't I just speak up?
Do you need a little guy drama to keep you busy? Are you more worried about "what" you will say than getting your nights back? Life is precious. You don't get these 24 hours back. I know, it's a platitude, but seriously, what adventure are you missing out on right now because you're doing the girl thing and trying to "figure him out?" Better to watch reruns of "Sex & The City."
This is how life gives us practice. This is how you HEAR your own voice! It's groovy and delicious. Who cares if you say goobledegook - who cares???!!!
Just rip off the bandaid - do it! You'll feel fabulous.
Staci
PS - going online to check up on a guy you're dating from match.com always leads to trouble:-) always.....
No offense, babe, but you sound a little back and forth on this whole thing yourself. I think the real question you might ask is:
If I don't care how he feels - seriously, why can't I just speak up?
Do you need a little guy drama to keep you busy? Are you more worried about "what" you will say than getting your nights back? Life is precious. You don't get these 24 hours back. I know, it's a platitude, but seriously, what adventure are you missing out on right now because you're doing the girl thing and trying to "figure him out?" Better to watch reruns of "Sex & The City."
This is how life gives us practice. This is how you HEAR your own voice! It's groovy and delicious. Who cares if you say goobledegook - who cares???!!!
Just rip off the bandaid - do it! You'll feel fabulous.
Staci
PS - going online to check up on a guy you're dating from match.com always leads to trouble:-) always.....
reply to Staci
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I don't think you're ready to break it off with him.
If you like the guy, roll with it and see where it leads.
If you like the guy, roll with it and see where it leads.
reply to Molly
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It sounds like one of two things is going on with him: He is seeing someone else, along with you OR he has sensed your hesitance about him so he's preparing to start seeing other women. If you need advice on whether or not to leave him, you're not ready to leave. If you don't know how to leave him, explain to him how you feel. You didn't meantion anything about strange characteristics he has, so it's pretty likely that you'll be safe just telling him how you feel. If you are really interested in him (which you don't seem to be), ask for advice on how to make things better, not how to leave.
reply to Ryne
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You summed it up in six words: “He’s too wishy washy for me.”
You’re not being bitter at all! Rather, when you’re not at odds with your overactive thoughts, you’re being honest. You don’t like the guy because he waffles more than a politician during election year. You don’t like the guy because he’s keeping his options open on dating site du jour – that is disrespectful. Finally, you don’t care what this guy thinks about your relationship. Whether or not those hairs on his bathroom floor were from a friend with benefits, you’re looking for signs, which is a sign that you’re not completely signed on.
Give your intuition some credit and act on that! If you’ve been seeing him for three months, you’re not completely into the relationship, and something seems suspicious, tell him that you’d like to move on.
Andrew gave some great advice when he said to do break up over the phone or online. Make it short and sweet, along the lines of "Thank you for three months of your life. However, I don't feel a spark. I wouldn't want to be dishonest with you and let this drag out, so I think it's time that I move on."
Then, go out and find the man of your dreams whom you hold in much higher esteem.
You’re not being bitter at all! Rather, when you’re not at odds with your overactive thoughts, you’re being honest. You don’t like the guy because he waffles more than a politician during election year. You don’t like the guy because he’s keeping his options open on dating site du jour – that is disrespectful. Finally, you don’t care what this guy thinks about your relationship. Whether or not those hairs on his bathroom floor were from a friend with benefits, you’re looking for signs, which is a sign that you’re not completely signed on.
Give your intuition some credit and act on that! If you’ve been seeing him for three months, you’re not completely into the relationship, and something seems suspicious, tell him that you’d like to move on.
Andrew gave some great advice when he said to do break up over the phone or online. Make it short and sweet, along the lines of "Thank you for three months of your life. However, I don't feel a spark. I wouldn't want to be dishonest with you and let this drag out, so I think it's time that I move on."
Then, go out and find the man of your dreams whom you hold in much higher esteem.
reply to Gabrielle
send this answer to a friendWe're divided - part of us is thinking, take the easy way out and just stop answering his calls. Caller ID is a beautiful thing, and we see nothing wrong with absolute avoidance. Chances are, if he's actively looking elsewhere, neither of you are going to be that broken up about it.
The other part of us thinks you should be the responsible, caring adult and man up - just tell him that you're not feeling it, you've got a lot going on right now and you need to adjust your focus elsewhere. It's totally true - you're not specifying WHAT your focus is shifting to.
In any case, it sounds like you're over it and you just need to take that final leap. Do it - you'll be happier you did! Who needs a wishy-washy hair-leaver?
The other part of us thinks you should be the responsible, caring adult and man up - just tell him that you're not feeling it, you've got a lot going on right now and you need to adjust your focus elsewhere. It's totally true - you're not specifying WHAT your focus is shifting to.
In any case, it sounds like you're over it and you just need to take that final leap. Do it - you'll be happier you did! Who needs a wishy-washy hair-leaver?
reply to jessica
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Hi
I think you said it all! "I don't care what he thinks. He's too wishy-washy for me." If this is so, just tell him you need to spend time with guys that are more compatible. There just isn't any "click" for you anymore. It can be in person, it can be on the phone.
It can't be by email. (I think email is quite limited for communicating about emotions. There is no tone of voice. People don't all read well.)
So just call this guy and explain kindly. Or tell him when he calls you next.
Why would you want a wishy-washy guy. Where's the passion?
(Sex is not always passionate. But it SHOULD be!!!!!)
I think you said it all! "I don't care what he thinks. He's too wishy-washy for me." If this is so, just tell him you need to spend time with guys that are more compatible. There just isn't any "click" for you anymore. It can be in person, it can be on the phone.
It can't be by email. (I think email is quite limited for communicating about emotions. There is no tone of voice. People don't all read well.)
So just call this guy and explain kindly. Or tell him when he calls you next.
Why would you want a wishy-washy guy. Where's the passion?
(Sex is not always passionate. But it SHOULD be!!!!!)
reply to jeannie`
send this answer to a friendBlondie
Face it, you're hurt. And all this hurt is provoking you to think that you need to take "action" by saying good by to him. He's already said good by. This is a simple matter: you both are not right one another, so move on.
Face it, you're hurt. And all this hurt is provoking you to think that you need to take "action" by saying good by to him. He's already said good by. This is a simple matter: you both are not right one another, so move on.
reply to randy
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Blondie,
Men are like cats. Sounds like you want him to commit or get off the pot. Also sounds like you kind of start to freak out if he's not all over you and wonder what you should do about it, that you would love him to be fully "in" or you want to be the one pushing him out.
So back to the cats...aloof, sit on the laps of people who do not want them there, pay attention only if you do not.
I say DO NOTHING. Telling someone that you don't want them around when you actually do can be incredibly transparent.
Sit idle and just wait for him to show up. No phone calls, no texts, go have fun. Forget you are waiting. He'll come back.
Men are like cats. Sounds like you want him to commit or get off the pot. Also sounds like you kind of start to freak out if he's not all over you and wonder what you should do about it, that you would love him to be fully "in" or you want to be the one pushing him out.
So back to the cats...aloof, sit on the laps of people who do not want them there, pay attention only if you do not.
I say DO NOTHING. Telling someone that you don't want them around when you actually do can be incredibly transparent.
Sit idle and just wait for him to show up. No phone calls, no texts, go have fun. Forget you are waiting. He'll come back.
reply to Lynne
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Hmmm...from the butterflies you get before you take the relationship to the next level, to the fun and excitement you experience when you have made the decision to get more serious, and than the confusing and frustrating feelings when things aren't working like you'd hoped they would, all the way to the terribly awkward confrontation about breaking the much dreaded news that you both already know, however, haven't voiced. There's no right way to break up with someone.
If you're not feeling the man anymore, and the relationship plays much like your grandmother's record collection, just tell him you're not feeling it. Just like Ryne said:
"...OR he has sensed your hesitance about him so he's preparing to start seeing other women..."
That's sounds like the case to me. I'm putting the male species in a very vulnerable position when I say this, but when we sense the woman is not completely involved, it's a really scary thing. There's a psychology behind it that I won't get into, but I will tell you one thing...You have the upper hand. Just tell it like it is.
If you're not feeling the man anymore, and the relationship plays much like your grandmother's record collection, just tell him you're not feeling it. Just like Ryne said:
"...OR he has sensed your hesitance about him so he's preparing to start seeing other women..."
That's sounds like the case to me. I'm putting the male species in a very vulnerable position when I say this, but when we sense the woman is not completely involved, it's a really scary thing. There's a psychology behind it that I won't get into, but I will tell you one thing...You have the upper hand. Just tell it like it is.
reply to John
send this answer to a friendWhy does it always seem as though our opinions always depend on the opinions of our significant others'? I'm guilty of it as well--no one enjoys liking someone more than we are liked--call it an ego-thing, but now would be a good time to stop reacting and really ask yourself what you WANT.
The hairs and the online roving aside, do you really like him? Or is it the possibility that he's not interested the thing that's convincing you that you want to hang on a minute? More often than naught, even if we hate everything about a guy, if he shows he's not into us, our egos bruise and we get a little hysterical... Just keep remembering all the constants, the FACTS and it should be simple enough. No one knows your relationship better than you... and it already sounds like you know what you want, so just gather up your nerve and do what you know is right.
The hairs and the online roving aside, do you really like him? Or is it the possibility that he's not interested the thing that's convincing you that you want to hang on a minute? More often than naught, even if we hate everything about a guy, if he shows he's not into us, our egos bruise and we get a little hysterical... Just keep remembering all the constants, the FACTS and it should be simple enough. No one knows your relationship better than you... and it already sounds like you know what you want, so just gather up your nerve and do what you know is right.
reply to Alice
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Blondie~
You said something that really stuck with me, 'he seems too wishy washy' for me'... some things don't and won't change! If that is what you are sensing you are 100% correct!
Life is short, relationships are important, your time is precious! Don't waste another minute on this guy! There is someone willing to devote himself to you just as you are willing to devote yourself to him.
You said something that really stuck with me, 'he seems too wishy washy' for me'... some things don't and won't change! If that is what you are sensing you are 100% correct!
Life is short, relationships are important, your time is precious! Don't waste another minute on this guy! There is someone willing to devote himself to you just as you are willing to devote yourself to him.
reply to Veronica
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Hi, Blondie~
I'm going to give it you straight, honey: If you have to ask yourself where it's going, then it's not going the right direction. The good thing is, you haven't been seeing each other all THAT long, so the sooner you have this talk, the easier it'll be. It's like ripping off a Band-aid. Tell him straight out: "I'm not sure where you'd like to take this relationship, and that makes me uneasy." Tell him how YOU feel, and listen for his response. If he remains "wishy washy" as you say, that'll be your clue: he can't communicate. That's a main ingredient in any failed relationship. Thank him for all the fun times you've had together, wish him well, and then maybe you should become active on match.com...or in any other scene where you think Mr. Right may be waiting in the wings just for you!
I'm going to give it you straight, honey: If you have to ask yourself where it's going, then it's not going the right direction. The good thing is, you haven't been seeing each other all THAT long, so the sooner you have this talk, the easier it'll be. It's like ripping off a Band-aid. Tell him straight out: "I'm not sure where you'd like to take this relationship, and that makes me uneasy." Tell him how YOU feel, and listen for his response. If he remains "wishy washy" as you say, that'll be your clue: he can't communicate. That's a main ingredient in any failed relationship. Thank him for all the fun times you've had together, wish him well, and then maybe you should become active on match.com...or in any other scene where you think Mr. Right may be waiting in the wings just for you!
reply to Amy
send this answer to a friendHi, Blondie~
I'm going to give it you straight, honey: If you have to ask yourself where it's going, then it's not going the right direction. The good thing is, you haven't been seeing each other all THAT long, so the sooner you have this talk, the easier it'll be. It's like ripping off a Band-aid. Tell him straight out: "I'm not sure where you'd like to take this relationship, and that makes me uneasy." Tell him how YOU feel, and listen for his response. If he remains "wishy washy" as you say, that'll be your clue: he can't communicate. That's a main ingredient in any failed relationship. Thank him for all the fun times you've had together, wish him well, and then maybe you should become active on match.com...or in any other scene where you think Mr. Right may be waiting in the wings just for you!
I'm going to give it you straight, honey: If you have to ask yourself where it's going, then it's not going the right direction. The good thing is, you haven't been seeing each other all THAT long, so the sooner you have this talk, the easier it'll be. It's like ripping off a Band-aid. Tell him straight out: "I'm not sure where you'd like to take this relationship, and that makes me uneasy." Tell him how YOU feel, and listen for his response. If he remains "wishy washy" as you say, that'll be your clue: he can't communicate. That's a main ingredient in any failed relationship. Thank him for all the fun times you've had together, wish him well, and then maybe you should become active on match.com...or in any other scene where you think Mr. Right may be waiting in the wings just for you!
reply to Amy
send this answer to a friendYou're asking how to break up with this person while at the same time you seem very ambivalent about the decision. But the fact that he's on Match.com and you're finding foreign pubes on the bathroom floor says to me that your initial instinct to end this is the right one. And as to whether you should break up on the phone or in person, that's entirely a comfort level thing. If facing him in person might cause you to cave, then just do it on the phone. People having been using the phone as an instrument of separation since the phone's inception. I think I read somewhere that Thomas Edison's second phone call was to his wife to tell her that he's going to be rich and that he wants a divorce. :)
reply to Rick
send this answer to a friendMaddie Mae wrote: Scrawl the message "You're out" on a baseball in thick black sharpie and throw it through his window. If you can aim well enough to have it shatter his TV in the middle of the world series, or computer monitor mid match.com search, all the better.
reply to Elizabeth
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You are funny and smart! I'm going to doubly watch for your posts!
reply to Elizabeth
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Blondie, you're clearly just beating around the bush here -- end it! Why prolong a relationship that is lackluster? From what you say, the spark is gone (if there ever was one). Chances are he feels the same way. Just call him up and bring the topic up. Have a conversation, see if you are in fact on the same page - it's over. It's a lot easier than you think, and it will be a huge weight off your shoulders when you can walk away from the situation knowing you did the respectful and mature thing. Maybe you two can even stay friends. The less guessing game-playing and potential drama, the better. Just be honest. It's amazingly effective!
reply to saryn
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Blondie,
First, I think you should determine whether you want to break up because he is pulling back or if it's because he is too wishy washy or if it's because of the black hairs in the bathroom. This should be done for the sole purpose of you being able to recognize what is truly going on inside of YOU.
After making this determination, no matter which scenario prevails, you should be aware that if a man is really into a woman, he will NOT be pulling back. There does not exist a single reason for which a man does not want his girl to be a part of his life unless he just isn't into her. The age old, lame excuses of being tired or stressed from work, or being too busy are simple cop-outs in order to not hurt our feelings.
I found this notion difficult to accept until it was confirmed by every single male friend I have. Whether or not it is etched in stone, it is something for you to consider. If this happens to be the case, you do not want to waste your precious, worthy time on him; especially when you could be spending it with someone who keeps his bathroom floor clean!
Honestly, the black hairs on the floor don't prove anything unless you have had them analyzed. BUT, an active match.com account? That is a bit different.
Do yourself a favor and enjoy your life by whatever means necessary. A life with unanswered (and un-asked) questions does not match up to the quality of a life with no questions needing to be asked or answered.
The best of luck to you!
First, I think you should determine whether you want to break up because he is pulling back or if it's because he is too wishy washy or if it's because of the black hairs in the bathroom. This should be done for the sole purpose of you being able to recognize what is truly going on inside of YOU.
After making this determination, no matter which scenario prevails, you should be aware that if a man is really into a woman, he will NOT be pulling back. There does not exist a single reason for which a man does not want his girl to be a part of his life unless he just isn't into her. The age old, lame excuses of being tired or stressed from work, or being too busy are simple cop-outs in order to not hurt our feelings.
I found this notion difficult to accept until it was confirmed by every single male friend I have. Whether or not it is etched in stone, it is something for you to consider. If this happens to be the case, you do not want to waste your precious, worthy time on him; especially when you could be spending it with someone who keeps his bathroom floor clean!
Honestly, the black hairs on the floor don't prove anything unless you have had them analyzed. BUT, an active match.com account? That is a bit different.
Do yourself a favor and enjoy your life by whatever means necessary. A life with unanswered (and un-asked) questions does not match up to the quality of a life with no questions needing to be asked or answered.
The best of luck to you!
reply to Kristi
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Oh Blondie, bite the bullet. It is obvious that you haven't found any satisfaction for the past two weeks at least, and we all know that sex is hardly the glue that holds the relationship together. If you really step back to assess your personal happiness objectively then I think you'll be able to see that this "man" is not fulfilling. Why drag out the agony of a failed relationship by tip-toeing around what needs to be done?
Don't break it off over the phone. That's a touch passive aggressive and you wouldn't want it done to yourself. Take the high road and ask to meet him somewhere that's neither out of the way nor has any romantic connections; like a park or something of the like! Then, just tell him how you feel. You have sneaking suspicions that he's cheating or entertaining the idea of someone else - so get rid of him. You can still maintain your integrity by coming out in the open with the things that sieze your heart. Remember, there is never a good time to delay happiness so if you truly want to break it off, do so quickly.
Don't break it off over the phone. That's a touch passive aggressive and you wouldn't want it done to yourself. Take the high road and ask to meet him somewhere that's neither out of the way nor has any romantic connections; like a park or something of the like! Then, just tell him how you feel. You have sneaking suspicions that he's cheating or entertaining the idea of someone else - so get rid of him. You can still maintain your integrity by coming out in the open with the things that sieze your heart. Remember, there is never a good time to delay happiness so if you truly want to break it off, do so quickly.
reply to Michal
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Blondie
I think you’ve made up your mind about this guy, definitely send him packing. You’re looking for reasons to break up with him (Nancy Drewing his match.com, the black hairs in the bathroom, no sex for two weeks) because he’s not longer holding your interest or showing you he has an emotional investment in your relationship. The best way to break things off with a man is to be honest with your feelings “I’ve had a really great time with you, but I don’t see this going anywhere long-term, so lets end things now while it’s still early,” something along those lines. Whether you tell him over the phone or in person is your choice. If you feel comfortable (and safe!) enough, I would break things off in person because I think everyone deserves the respect of speaking face to face (little room for confusion). However, if seeing him in person will compromise your feelings and drag the relationship out longer then you want it to, then call him from the safety of your home. Good luck and take care!
I think you’ve made up your mind about this guy, definitely send him packing. You’re looking for reasons to break up with him (Nancy Drewing his match.com, the black hairs in the bathroom, no sex for two weeks) because he’s not longer holding your interest or showing you he has an emotional investment in your relationship. The best way to break things off with a man is to be honest with your feelings “I’ve had a really great time with you, but I don’t see this going anywhere long-term, so lets end things now while it’s still early,” something along those lines. Whether you tell him over the phone or in person is your choice. If you feel comfortable (and safe!) enough, I would break things off in person because I think everyone deserves the respect of speaking face to face (little room for confusion). However, if seeing him in person will compromise your feelings and drag the relationship out longer then you want it to, then call him from the safety of your home. Good luck and take care!
reply to Stephanie
send this answer to a friendFranny wrote: I'm all for this scenario! I don't like the idea of anyone feeling like they aren't getting the time/attention/respect they deserve.
It's not worth being with someone who makes you feel like you're not a priority.
reply to Melissa Lynn
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Hi everyone. Looks like this question has been answered plenty, and it seems that Mrs. Raven's response has gotten the most approval. I think she's on the right track, but I wonder - why the snark? Why, first, the message that Blondie will be out of contact for a few weeks, and then when the fella is stammering and stuttering in (probably fake) surprise, she then tells him she's actually saying she doesn't want to date him anymore? Why not cut to the chase? Here's my version:
(phone goes brring brring)
Boy who was not taught by his mom to vacuum up pubic hairs on his bathroom floor: Hello?
Blondie: Hi. Hey, I've been thinking that you and I aren't such a good romantic match. I would rather we just be friends.
BWWNTBYMTVUPHOHBF: (with a sigh of relief, as he obviously "wasn't that into her") Oh. Okay, then. It's been fun.
Blondie: Yeah. Take care, and I'll see you around.
If he protests or acts surprised, all Blondie needs to do is keep calmly expressing her own truth: She isn't interested in putting her time, heart, or hopes for the future into this particular box, and thanks anyway, lotsa luck to you, bro!
Melissa
(phone goes brring brring)
Boy who was not taught by his mom to vacuum up pubic hairs on his bathroom floor: Hello?
Blondie: Hi. Hey, I've been thinking that you and I aren't such a good romantic match. I would rather we just be friends.
BWWNTBYMTVUPHOHBF: (with a sigh of relief, as he obviously "wasn't that into her") Oh. Okay, then. It's been fun.
Blondie: Yeah. Take care, and I'll see you around.
If he protests or acts surprised, all Blondie needs to do is keep calmly expressing her own truth: She isn't interested in putting her time, heart, or hopes for the future into this particular box, and thanks anyway, lotsa luck to you, bro!
Melissa
reply to Melissa Lynn
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The best way to handle a situation like this is to be direct. Wishywashy guys tend to know to play with wishywashy responses. It’t no surprise that you’re getting mixed signals, because he is clearly sending them. It seems that he’s not really ready to jump out of his cozy bubble bath of confusion, and you (and apparently whoever else is involved) are just the little rubber ducks that he plays with. The most important thing you have to thing about is whether you are happy in this relationship. If the answer is hell no, then get out, don’t prune up in the bathtub with him! You deserve to be sexually fulfilled in your relationship, and if he’s not providing, and you don’t care about what he thinks, call him out on it! Don’t hide, remember that you are also a person in this relationship and your voice counts too.
reply to Yali
send this answer to a friendYeah I'm not seeing the need for all this talking or some public service announcement or explanation or confrontation...of ANY kind. You've seen him face-to-face and the writing's on the wall for both of you on some level. Listen to that voice in your gut whispering to you, "This isn't it." My advice is to stop looking for "it" altogether, and just take it as it comes. With this cat, feel free to just fade to black, without a word more on the matter. Next time he calls, IF he calls, just don't pick up. And you can PRETEND (if you need to) that you had a conversation about it with him, and just act as if you did. Move on. You know it ain't right! Onward, onward...time's a wastin'!! There are too many men out there to be wringing your hands over this tepid one.
reply to LaFishy
send this answer to a friendDear you,
First off, with all due respect, you are thinking about this too much. Save your brain cells, toots! 'Easier said than done' is nothing to take lightly - I know it's hard. I'm pretty sure that when a man isn't having sex with you it's a pretty good sign that he's already moved on. Protect that good heart of yours! Also, just as an observation, the fact that you're asking other people's opinions (your cousins' husband) about what you should do instead of listening to your own gut, is an indicator to me that your EGO wants you to stay with him, but your heart is pleading for you to leave. And one of my motto's are: whenever your head and your heart disagrees, always trust the one closer to the ground.
Best,
T
First off, with all due respect, you are thinking about this too much. Save your brain cells, toots! 'Easier said than done' is nothing to take lightly - I know it's hard. I'm pretty sure that when a man isn't having sex with you it's a pretty good sign that he's already moved on. Protect that good heart of yours! Also, just as an observation, the fact that you're asking other people's opinions (your cousins' husband) about what you should do instead of listening to your own gut, is an indicator to me that your EGO wants you to stay with him, but your heart is pleading for you to leave. And one of my motto's are: whenever your head and your heart disagrees, always trust the one closer to the ground.
Best,
T
reply to Teresa
send this answer to a friendsweetheart, you just aren't all that into him, so the problem isn't that he's wishy-washy, or that you don't know what the meaning is behind the possible shrine/possible pile of stuff he doesn't have a place for on his nightstand. (the hairs are a problem sure, but he's a man. they have hairs.) the problem is you don't know how to tell him you don't want to date him anymore.
it's simple, really. it's just the icky feeling that goes along with it that grates. nice people think that breaking up with someone isn't nice. but think about it this way: telling him that you would like to move on to other pastures is doing him a big favor by freeing him up to find someone who is really excited about him. the added bonus is you'll be freed up to experience the same. so really, a break up with this guy is a win-win for everyone.
so, hold your breath, dial and when he answers, ask him how he is and just say it: i had a great time with you, but i don't want to see you on a romantic level anymore. sure, you can tell him some stuff about how great he is, if that makes you feel better, but no need to draw it out.
ps: the sooner you do it, the less energy you expend thinking about it. this can then be focused on attracting someone who makes your knees weak.
it's simple, really. it's just the icky feeling that goes along with it that grates. nice people think that breaking up with someone isn't nice. but think about it this way: telling him that you would like to move on to other pastures is doing him a big favor by freeing him up to find someone who is really excited about him. the added bonus is you'll be freed up to experience the same. so really, a break up with this guy is a win-win for everyone.
so, hold your breath, dial and when he answers, ask him how he is and just say it: i had a great time with you, but i don't want to see you on a romantic level anymore. sure, you can tell him some stuff about how great he is, if that makes you feel better, but no need to draw it out.
ps: the sooner you do it, the less energy you expend thinking about it. this can then be focused on attracting someone who makes your knees weak.
reply to koralee
send this answer to a friend1. Well Blondie, it sounds to me like part of the problem is that you don’t know what you want. Do you want to break up because of a lack of sex so early in the relationship? (a warning sign of future trouble I think), or because he’s wishy- washy?, or because you think he is already seeing someone else? Are you jealous and simply trying to find fault or does the guy really do nothing for you?
I think once you figure out exactly how you feel about this guy the next call will be easy. If you are jealous and really want this to be a deeper relationship, then plan a sexy evening and let him know you are interested in being the only one in his life for a long time. If, on the other hand, you would rather spend the evening washing dishes than him, then pick up the phone and burst his bubble.
I think once you figure out exactly how you feel about this guy the next call will be easy. If you are jealous and really want this to be a deeper relationship, then plan a sexy evening and let him know you are interested in being the only one in his life for a long time. If, on the other hand, you would rather spend the evening washing dishes than him, then pick up the phone and burst his bubble.
reply to Racquel
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Ok – saying you think you want a "break" is quite different than saying you want to "break up". So first you need to figure out which one it is that you want and then get the ball rolling. Frankly, just reading your couple paragraphs gave me the impression you're just not that into HIM. So dump the guy already - why waste his or your precious time any longer? Sounds like the relationship (if we can even call it that) has reached a dry spell, so now's the time when you both have to decide if it's even worth resuscitating. And might I add that if you’re questioning being honest and upfront with him about your wants, needs, and feelings in the first place – the “relationship” may not have even been all that to begin with.
reply to Jocelyn
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
You are so silly! I'm one of those guys.
He puts your business card out and puts the stuffed animal in place when you're around. It's a routine. I'm thinking if you pull a surprise visit, e.g. on one of those OTHER four days of the week, you're answer will be staring you in the face how to break up with him!
Some people!
You are so silly! I'm one of those guys.
He puts your business card out and puts the stuffed animal in place when you're around. It's a routine. I'm thinking if you pull a surprise visit, e.g. on one of those OTHER four days of the week, you're answer will be staring you in the face how to break up with him!
Some people!
reply to Dan
send this answer to a friendNow, I didn't read all of the posts to this; but, I think I get the gist from the first few postings...You want a more aggressive man, and if he isn't pouncing on the opportunity to light his own fire, under his own ass, there isn't much you can do. A nice guy, isn't cutting it for you, (which is OK). A new relationship should also be busting at the seems with healthy sex. My advice is to be honest with him; no need to play games. Tell him he isn't stepping up and you are not happy with the situation. Tell him exactly what you want (if you even know what that is) and see if he adheres. If he doesn't, you need to move on...and maybe take the time to learn what it really is you desire in a man. :)
reply to Deborah
send this answer to a friendIntelligent and nice you can get in a Cocker Spaniel. Life is way too short for Mr. Okay. Doesn't sound to me like you're that into him anyway. The next time you talk, just tell him you've decided it's time to move on.
Good luck.
Good luck.
reply to Sonya
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Blondie, you have lots of ammo to fire the cannon. The black hairs on the bathroom floor and active status on Match.com are reason enough. It seems to me that you've discovered why you two have not had sex (with each other) in two weeks. Looks like Match.com isn't the only thing he's "active" with. If anything, HE should be nervous about your next encounter, not you. Feel confident that you deserve someone who can stand firm in your relationship and not an indecisive child.
reply to Margo
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Blondie,
You say he is too wishy washy for you but I sense that maybe you are also a bit wishy washy. If you really want to break up with him just do it. Call him up don't wait for him to call you or accidentally bump into him. Call him and say You're a nice guy and I enjoy being with you but I don't feel like we are right for each other. We should break it off so that we are free to meet someone who might be a better match. Period. If you suspect that he is already seeing others then he shouldn't take the news to hard.
You say he is too wishy washy for you but I sense that maybe you are also a bit wishy washy. If you really want to break up with him just do it. Call him up don't wait for him to call you or accidentally bump into him. Call him and say You're a nice guy and I enjoy being with you but I don't feel like we are right for each other. We should break it off so that we are free to meet someone who might be a better match. Period. If you suspect that he is already seeing others then he shouldn't take the news to hard.
reply to Lis
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You had me at "black hairs on the floor". I'd hit the ground running at about Mach 4. Yeck!! And the shrine on his dresser - um, bipolar anyone?
Seriously though, it sounds like this man does not light your fire. Treat men like Kleenex until you find the right one - they have no qualms about doing the same with us. This one is definitely disposable.
Seriously though, it sounds like this man does not light your fire. Treat men like Kleenex until you find the right one - they have no qualms about doing the same with us. This one is definitely disposable.
reply to Angela
send this answer to a friendOh for Chrissakes, why are you wasting your precious time analyzing so-called “mixed signals” when YOU are NOT into HIM? Cuz it really is as simple as THAT, now isn’t it, sister Blondie?
Someone very wise once wrote, and I quote, “Honestly, I don’t really care what he thinks. He’s too wishy-washy for me.” Oh wait - YOU wrote that, YOU are the very wise one! Take it from YOU, regardless of where he places your biz card, your stuffed animal or someone else’s black hairs (ew, sweep up once in a while, jeez!), he’s not the one, and the more time you waste on him, the less time available to lavish upon the one who IS the one. Yo?
As for how to do the buh-bye, call him, tell him he’s a fine fellow, but you know you’re not the right person for him. And he deserves to be turned loose so he can go find that person. Frankly, so do YOU.
Someone very wise once wrote, and I quote, “Honestly, I don’t really care what he thinks. He’s too wishy-washy for me.” Oh wait - YOU wrote that, YOU are the very wise one! Take it from YOU, regardless of where he places your biz card, your stuffed animal or someone else’s black hairs (ew, sweep up once in a while, jeez!), he’s not the one, and the more time you waste on him, the less time available to lavish upon the one who IS the one. Yo?
As for how to do the buh-bye, call him, tell him he’s a fine fellow, but you know you’re not the right person for him. And he deserves to be turned loose so he can go find that person. Frankly, so do YOU.
reply to cindy
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I have to agree with Cindy on that one: you named your answer, Blondie. He's not only "too wishy-washy" for you, but he's ambiguously rude. When your gut screams at you, listen. You are worth so much more. The fact that you have put all this thought into it, seen the symbolism of his maybe affection, you know the answer. Love yourself enough to walk away. Besides, black hairs on the floor? Ewww.
reply to Sheela
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What's the debate about? If you don't care, then simply break up with him.
No matter what you say, or what the reason, breaking up is always awkward, so just get it over with. You're obviously not into this dude, so quit wasting time and go out and find someone you are into.
Also, don't analyze what a guy does too much. We don't don't put nearly as much thought into relationship things as you do. Half the time, a mistake or coincidence on our part can turn into a two week brainscrew for you, needlessly so.
No matter what you say, or what the reason, breaking up is always awkward, so just get it over with. You're obviously not into this dude, so quit wasting time and go out and find someone you are into.
Also, don't analyze what a guy does too much. We don't don't put nearly as much thought into relationship things as you do. Half the time, a mistake or coincidence on our part can turn into a two week brainscrew for you, needlessly so.
reply to Thomas
send this answer to a friendI have to agree with Cindy on that one: you named your answer, Blondie. He's not only "too wishy-washy" for you, but he's ambiguously rude. When your gut screams at you, listen. You are worth so much more. The fact that you have put all this thought into it, seen the symbolism of his maybe affection, you know the answer. Love yourself enough to walk away. Besides, black hairs on the floor? Ewww.
reply to Sheela
send this answer to a friendI look at this way, if you feel (in your heart) that it just isn't working out, then tell him face to face or call him and just tell him what you feel. If you feel that he is the one who is pulling away from you and he has others on his agenda other than just you, it is best if you move on and say "See Ya!". You shouldn't have to waste your time on someone who isn't willing to put time into a relationship.
reply to Meisha
send this answer to a friendim sorry to break it to you hunny but it seems like youve got a player on your hands , RUN and RUN fast its like look at it realisticly if you seem eachother 3 times a week and ddidnt have sex for 2 weeks...doesnt that seem a bit fishy to you ? the hairs on the bath room floor, YEA it might have been his mom or his sister but what if its not ? dont be delusional cuz sometime two hearts just cant dance at the same beat . good luck
reply to Leana
send this answer to a friendWe’ve all been there some time or another; we meet someone and having nothing better to do, we start spending time with them and realize that the hair in the tub as more personality and sexiness than they do.
You could prolong it until you get to the point where you become physically ill with just the thought of talking to him on the phone, let alone seeing them. Nothing beats being passive aggressive to get rid of someone.
Breaking up with someone is like waxing; it’s painful, humiliating and annoying for a few minutes, then you’re smooth and it’s bliss. Instead of waiting for the “right” moment, which by the way never comes, be a big girl and call him up and say, ”It’s not working for me, have a nice life,” and hang up. Voila! You’re free, free, free my child. No need for long boring drawn out conversations, be short, be sweet and be free.
You could prolong it until you get to the point where you become physically ill with just the thought of talking to him on the phone, let alone seeing them. Nothing beats being passive aggressive to get rid of someone.
Breaking up with someone is like waxing; it’s painful, humiliating and annoying for a few minutes, then you’re smooth and it’s bliss. Instead of waiting for the “right” moment, which by the way never comes, be a big girl and call him up and say, ”It’s not working for me, have a nice life,” and hang up. Voila! You’re free, free, free my child. No need for long boring drawn out conversations, be short, be sweet and be free.
reply to pj
send this answer to a friendFirst of all, gross about the black hairs. Been there, it's the worst.
Second of all, just come right out and let the dude go. There is nothing less sexy than a wishy-washy guy-- no wonder you two haven't had sex in two weeks! Unless there is some reason to stay with him, you need to tell him you're moving on as soon as possible. It's hard, but it's the only thing to do.
Here's how to go about it: I like you but right now I just want to be friends. YES it's cliche but it works. If you say "You seem like you're not interested anymore" that gives him room to launch a defense or begin an argument, for example, he might say, "I don't seem like I'm not interested anymore." And Blondie, babe, you're not looking for an argument. You're looking for a clean break (and toilet seat, for that matter). If he's scoping on Match and he's not giving you the attention you deserve AND you don't want to have sex with him, you owe not just to him but especially to yourself to move on. Good luck!
Second of all, just come right out and let the dude go. There is nothing less sexy than a wishy-washy guy-- no wonder you two haven't had sex in two weeks! Unless there is some reason to stay with him, you need to tell him you're moving on as soon as possible. It's hard, but it's the only thing to do.
Here's how to go about it: I like you but right now I just want to be friends. YES it's cliche but it works. If you say "You seem like you're not interested anymore" that gives him room to launch a defense or begin an argument, for example, he might say, "I don't seem like I'm not interested anymore." And Blondie, babe, you're not looking for an argument. You're looking for a clean break (and toilet seat, for that matter). If he's scoping on Match and he's not giving you the attention you deserve AND you don't want to have sex with him, you owe not just to him but especially to yourself to move on. Good luck!
reply to Liz
send this answer to a friend"Listen, things don't feel as if they're headed in the direction that I want. But instead of just flat breaking up with you, I wanted to figure out where you stand in all of this." He'll either agree or say, "what do you mean." So have your list of grievances handy like, "well, I don't know, for instance, we haven't sexed in 2 weeks and sometimes a girl's gotta get laid." His easily bruised man ego will jump at that as it pertains to his penis a.k.a. the sails of his man-ship. Or boat, depending on the guy. So he'll either throw you on the bed and sex you like mad or succumb to pouting. Either/or you have to attempt to end things - and I say "attempt" because he'll either struggle to win you back or wimp out. Regardless of the outcome, you're standing up for yourself, taking an upper hand and doing what's best for YOU.
reply to Brooke
send this answer to a friendBrooke wrote: "Listen, things don't feel as if they're headed in the direction that I want. But instead of just flat breaking up with you, I wanted to figure out where you stand in all of this." He'll either agree or say, "what do you mean." So have your list of grievances handy like, "well, I don't know, for instance, we haven't sexed in 2 weeks and sometimes a girl's gotta get laid." His easily bruised man ego will jump at that as it pertains to his penis a.k.a. the sails of his man-ship. Or boat, depending on the guy. So he'll either throw you on the bed and sex you like mad or succumb to pouting. Either/or you have to attempt to end things - and I say "attempt" because he'll either struggle to win you back or wimp out. Regardless of the outcome, you're standing up for yourself, taking an upper hand and doing what's best for YOU.
reply to Laura
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Listen lady, you are women, you are strong. It's an old Helen Redy song. You know what you want and you deserve to get it. Don't play games, be direct. Stand up for who you are and what you deserve.
Simply say, this relationship isn't going the way I would like it to go. We have two options here. One is to end it, two is to change it. Which would you prefer before I make the decision myself? You are in control, you have the ball in your court. You decide. Depending on his answer, you have your answer. Don't settle for less but don't give up before you have given it your all. Go girlfriend, you are woman, you are strong and you are the one who decides!!!
Simply say, this relationship isn't going the way I would like it to go. We have two options here. One is to end it, two is to change it. Which would you prefer before I make the decision myself? You are in control, you have the ball in your court. You decide. Depending on his answer, you have your answer. Don't settle for less but don't give up before you have given it your all. Go girlfriend, you are woman, you are strong and you are the one who decides!!!
reply to Laura
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Blondie,
Don't settle for mixed signals. Go for a guy that stops traffic, raises a red flag and shouts from the rooftops, "That's my girl!" Okay, well not literally, but trust me...there are men out there who want to be with you, and don't mind advertising it.
You said you honestly don't care what he thinks, as he's "too wishy-washy for you." You have your answer! It sucks, I know, but listen to yourself. If he is annoying the daylights out of you with his ambivalence, it's time to move on.
The longer you allow yourself to wait on him, the more power he has over you. He keeps your business card on his dresser? He should be taking you out to dinner and discussing how your day at work went...not leaving little reminders of where you work around his house.
Think of it this way: he has your business card...so he should have sent flowers by now. You deserve better, girl!
Don't settle for mixed signals. Go for a guy that stops traffic, raises a red flag and shouts from the rooftops, "That's my girl!" Okay, well not literally, but trust me...there are men out there who want to be with you, and don't mind advertising it.
You said you honestly don't care what he thinks, as he's "too wishy-washy for you." You have your answer! It sucks, I know, but listen to yourself. If he is annoying the daylights out of you with his ambivalence, it's time to move on.
The longer you allow yourself to wait on him, the more power he has over you. He keeps your business card on his dresser? He should be taking you out to dinner and discussing how your day at work went...not leaving little reminders of where you work around his house.
Think of it this way: he has your business card...so he should have sent flowers by now. You deserve better, girl!
reply to Kelly
send this answer to a friendBlondie -- don't act Blonde ... Here's the crux of what you say:
Listen Up Buddy [or insert his name here]:
We've been stuck together like glue at least three times a week for months. While I enjoy seeing your face morning, noon and night, there's something missing big time ... and I'm not talking about your own toothbrush nestled in my toothbrush holder on the sink in my bathroom or your stale socks left on my floor.
It's been weeks since we hit the sheets, and I'm starting to take it personally ... we either make it happen soon, or I'm moving on.
Rather than act all "girlie," I'd suggest this hard-nosed approach with your man ... Let him know you mean business, wouldn't the male set do the same? Think about it.
Listen Up Buddy [or insert his name here]:
We've been stuck together like glue at least three times a week for months. While I enjoy seeing your face morning, noon and night, there's something missing big time ... and I'm not talking about your own toothbrush nestled in my toothbrush holder on the sink in my bathroom or your stale socks left on my floor.
It's been weeks since we hit the sheets, and I'm starting to take it personally ... we either make it happen soon, or I'm moving on.
Rather than act all "girlie," I'd suggest this hard-nosed approach with your man ... Let him know you mean business, wouldn't the male set do the same? Think about it.
reply to debbie
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Bravo, Blondie, for homing in on the hows of breaking up - not just the ifs. Shows you at least have manners ;)
I'm guilty on all counts of breaking up with an ex in his bedroom. He later asked why I couldn't have chosen a Starbucks, claiming I desecrated the bed on which I sat delivering the bad news. Alas, the ubiquitous coffee joint was exactly where my NEXT soon-to-be-ex dumped me.
What's wrong with a simple, sweet, "I don't think this is going to work"? He'll respond with a series of questions which you will field with the poise of a Katie Couric-interviewee...err, I mean, a cat - with the poise of a very regal-looking cat.
Two rules for "the talk": Be honest and mean what you say. Don't simply threaten to end it. Ultimatums don't work on blokes with even half a brain...
I'm guilty on all counts of breaking up with an ex in his bedroom. He later asked why I couldn't have chosen a Starbucks, claiming I desecrated the bed on which I sat delivering the bad news. Alas, the ubiquitous coffee joint was exactly where my NEXT soon-to-be-ex dumped me.
What's wrong with a simple, sweet, "I don't think this is going to work"? He'll respond with a series of questions which you will field with the poise of a Katie Couric-interviewee...err, I mean, a cat - with the poise of a very regal-looking cat.
Two rules for "the talk": Be honest and mean what you say. Don't simply threaten to end it. Ultimatums don't work on blokes with even half a brain...
reply to Annie
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Hey B,
Simply put, you shouldn't have to wonder. Gray area sucks and if you're dating someone, things should be black 'n' white: you guys either want each other, or you don't. And honestly, B, if a guy likes you...and I mean REALLY likes you, you will know. It will be clear. Passivity is NOT sexy. And if you want passion, you should have passion, not some wishy-washy dude who may or may not be totally into you.
So, best course of action (but only if you TRULY feel there's potential here) is to tell him straight up that you're not playing this "sometime-y" game. He either needs to step up or keep it movin'.
Otherwise, let it go. Time is precious. Spend it on someone who doesn't have any to waste.
Simply put, you shouldn't have to wonder. Gray area sucks and if you're dating someone, things should be black 'n' white: you guys either want each other, or you don't. And honestly, B, if a guy likes you...and I mean REALLY likes you, you will know. It will be clear. Passivity is NOT sexy. And if you want passion, you should have passion, not some wishy-washy dude who may or may not be totally into you.
So, best course of action (but only if you TRULY feel there's potential here) is to tell him straight up that you're not playing this "sometime-y" game. He either needs to step up or keep it movin'.
Otherwise, let it go. Time is precious. Spend it on someone who doesn't have any to waste.
reply to Terese
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I think a change - would do you good.
(a change would do you good)
I think a change - would do you good!
(a change would do you good)
Because you're never going to change him. You can only change yourself.
(a change would do you good)
I think a change - would do you good!
(a change would do you good)
Because you're never going to change him. You can only change yourself.
reply to Margaux
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Women always hate it when men pull the "oh it's not you it's me" crap on us. Well tell them to be honest, so why not be honest with him. If it's not working out, it's not working out. The fact that you saw him on Match.com could be a sign that he's cheating on you. I say go to perfectmatch.com and find yourself a better guy who will treat you right.
reply to Angie
send this answer to a friendHow about taking a deep breath, picking up the phone, and letting him know that you really enjoyed hanging out with him, but you just don't see this going any further. If he asks for details or presses you to reconsider, say that you are saving both yourself and him time by trusting your gut. You don't have to let him know that he didn't have the set to stir you up. You wish him the best, but you would prefer he didn't call you anymore. And if he still doesn't get the hint and demands more, say, "Too bad trying to break it off with you was the most excitement I've seen the whole time we were dating. Peace."
reply to Gianna
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I vote for a breezy “Let’s meet for cocktails!” date during which you look fab, are utterly charming, and casually mention the date you’re going on next week with the cute Italian grad student you just met. If he sputters, just raise an eyebrow and say “Oh, are we exclusive?”
And PS, mixed signals? If this guy were even paying attention, he would have hidden the evidence that you were ever there.
And PS, mixed signals? If this guy were even paying attention, he would have hidden the evidence that you were ever there.
reply to Mimi
send this answer to a friend I like to think out of a pool of jerky things a boyfriend does, only 30% is actually meant to be jerk-ish. The other 70% is misunderstanding, unawareness or maybe, just maybe, the girlfriend is overreacting out insecurity.
Tell him why you're leaving him. You don't have mention exhibit A, B, C, D.... but tell him the core of the problem- you're not feeling the affection you hope to feel from him. It's the honest, purest of reasons. Maybe he'll realize his mistakes and if he doesn't you can part knowing you at least tried.
Tell him why you're leaving him. You don't have mention exhibit A, B, C, D.... but tell him the core of the problem- you're not feeling the affection you hope to feel from him. It's the honest, purest of reasons. Maybe he'll realize his mistakes and if he doesn't you can part knowing you at least tried.
reply to Angela
send this answer to a friend I like to think out of a pool of jerky things a boyfriend does, only 30% is actually meant to be jerk-ish. The other 70% is misunderstanding, unawareness or maybe, just maybe, the girlfriend is overreacting out insecurity.
Tell him why you're leaving him. You don't have mention exhibit A, B, C, D.... but tell him the core of the problem- you're not feeling the affection you hope to feel from him. It's the honest, purest of reasons. Maybe he'll realize his mistakes and if he doesn't you can part knowing you at least tried.
Tell him why you're leaving him. You don't have mention exhibit A, B, C, D.... but tell him the core of the problem- you're not feeling the affection you hope to feel from him. It's the honest, purest of reasons. Maybe he'll realize his mistakes and if he doesn't you can part knowing you at least tried.
reply to Angela
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Blondie,
First of all, give the guy a break--he might have shaved, in attempts to spice himself up for you one evening, and neglected to wipe up a few stubborn hairs that fell and got stuck in the cracks of his bathroom tile or around his sink. He's human! Wouldn't you be more creeped out if his home was completely pristine and he yelled at you for dropping crumbs or not taking your shoes off?
Secondly, the fact that he keeps your gifts in visible sight does not indicate anything about his feelings for you--at least not that alone. Maybe he likes the gifts, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he just wants you to think he likes the gifts.
Here's the deal: this guy may like you, or he may just be in it for a Saturday night booty call each week. Which is it? If you don't know, try to find out. Go out on a date but DO NOT HAVE SEX with him! Do this for a couple of weeks and see how he reacts. If he's fine and his behavior does not change much, maybe he does like you but just doesn't want to get serious too soon--maybe he's taking it slow. If he stops calling, is pressuring you to get physical, or starts behaving like an immature moody teenager, you've got your answer, my friend.
Have you ever read the book "He's Just Not That Into You?" I highly recommend it. The main message is this: If you need to always analyze how he feels and wait for his call, and if you constantly desire something more from him, he's probably just not feeling the sparks for you. BUT regardless, who says it has to be all about him? If you've decided he's not floatin' your boat and you could really use someone who is a little more mentally stimulating, then have him over for one last talk or give him a call and just be honest and upfront: tell him you wanted it to work and you had fun while it lasted, but you just don't feel the chemistry (or the emotional connection) and you think that you are ready to move on. Keep it short and sweet.
Easy enough? Hope this helped!
First of all, give the guy a break--he might have shaved, in attempts to spice himself up for you one evening, and neglected to wipe up a few stubborn hairs that fell and got stuck in the cracks of his bathroom tile or around his sink. He's human! Wouldn't you be more creeped out if his home was completely pristine and he yelled at you for dropping crumbs or not taking your shoes off?
Secondly, the fact that he keeps your gifts in visible sight does not indicate anything about his feelings for you--at least not that alone. Maybe he likes the gifts, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he just wants you to think he likes the gifts.
Here's the deal: this guy may like you, or he may just be in it for a Saturday night booty call each week. Which is it? If you don't know, try to find out. Go out on a date but DO NOT HAVE SEX with him! Do this for a couple of weeks and see how he reacts. If he's fine and his behavior does not change much, maybe he does like you but just doesn't want to get serious too soon--maybe he's taking it slow. If he stops calling, is pressuring you to get physical, or starts behaving like an immature moody teenager, you've got your answer, my friend.
Have you ever read the book "He's Just Not That Into You?" I highly recommend it. The main message is this: If you need to always analyze how he feels and wait for his call, and if you constantly desire something more from him, he's probably just not feeling the sparks for you. BUT regardless, who says it has to be all about him? If you've decided he's not floatin' your boat and you could really use someone who is a little more mentally stimulating, then have him over for one last talk or give him a call and just be honest and upfront: tell him you wanted it to work and you had fun while it lasted, but you just don't feel the chemistry (or the emotional connection) and you think that you are ready to move on. Keep it short and sweet.
Easy enough? Hope this helped!
reply to Kelly
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Girlfriend, what you don't need to do is to fall into the Blondie tag, I mean really. Come on now! How can you break-up, if you're not together?
If you've been seeing him for a few months and have been seeing him 3X a week and no sex in the past two weeks, then girlfirend, one of you has already broken up! And I'm guessing it wasn't you.
But look at it this way, there are some women who have been with a guy for years and haven't had sex in weeks, and they call it a marriage!
I'm just saying... use your Caller ID and let the phone ring! If you need an inspiration, just remember the black hairs and be cool! Just tell him you're busy and move on.
If you've been seeing him for a few months and have been seeing him 3X a week and no sex in the past two weeks, then girlfirend, one of you has already broken up! And I'm guessing it wasn't you.
But look at it this way, there are some women who have been with a guy for years and haven't had sex in weeks, and they call it a marriage!
I'm just saying... use your Caller ID and let the phone ring! If you need an inspiration, just remember the black hairs and be cool! Just tell him you're busy and move on.
reply to DaNiced
send this answer to a friendOy! Why do you have to do anything drawn out? You don't like him, you're getting mixed signals from him and if you say you don't like him do you care that he's giving you mixed signals?
You don't have to do anything elaborate, just tell him you're no longer interested and be done with it. Enough with all the sob stories on how to prolong the pain.
I once dated a guy who made me want to claw my eyes out. He called one day and I said to him, "you know we don't suit. I'm no longer interested. Gotta go."
Short,sweet and to the point.
Best of all, he was gone!
Get back on the saddle and ride over the next range and rope another one.
You don't have to do anything elaborate, just tell him you're no longer interested and be done with it. Enough with all the sob stories on how to prolong the pain.
I once dated a guy who made me want to claw my eyes out. He called one day and I said to him, "you know we don't suit. I'm no longer interested. Gotta go."
Short,sweet and to the point.
Best of all, he was gone!
Get back on the saddle and ride over the next range and rope another one.
reply to pj
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
First off, it appears you've already checked out of this quasi-relationship. Therefore, I'd focus on exit-strategy.
I would guess this guy's probably on the same page regardless -- men tend to be more physically driven monsters (and I mean monster affectionately), so unless he's suddenly impotent or his mother's terminally ill, he's probably wondering how to end it nicely, too.
Your first decision: Do you want him in your life at all? Is this someone you want to be friends with and / or use for the occasional 3 a.m. booty call? If so, you might want to let the relationship 'go gently into that good night' on it's own . . .
If it's causing you constant emotional turmoil, however, I would tell him that he's a terrific guy but your life is just too full right now (job, friends, etc.) to commit to a regular dating schedule.
It's not HIM, it's YOU :) Cliches exist for a reason . . .
Good luck!
Katie F
First off, it appears you've already checked out of this quasi-relationship. Therefore, I'd focus on exit-strategy.
I would guess this guy's probably on the same page regardless -- men tend to be more physically driven monsters (and I mean monster affectionately), so unless he's suddenly impotent or his mother's terminally ill, he's probably wondering how to end it nicely, too.
Your first decision: Do you want him in your life at all? Is this someone you want to be friends with and / or use for the occasional 3 a.m. booty call? If so, you might want to let the relationship 'go gently into that good night' on it's own . . .
If it's causing you constant emotional turmoil, however, I would tell him that he's a terrific guy but your life is just too full right now (job, friends, etc.) to commit to a regular dating schedule.
It's not HIM, it's YOU :) Cliches exist for a reason . . .
Good luck!
Katie F
reply to Katie
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Its understandable why you are stressing out about this situation. But honestly the stressing is not worth it. If you want to break up with him cuz your jus not into it anymore, then you just need to flat out say "it's not working out" (its easier said than done, but thats what has to happen)...However, if your wanting to break it off cuz your getting mixed signals from him, then my advice is you need to talk to him. This is under the terms that he is a mature guy (not immature) and that you two honestly care for one another. If this is so, then talking to him and telling him that your tried of getting mixed feelings from him maybe something to consider. Communication between males and females is sooooo complicated, I have learned that sometimes just being str8 up about what your thinking may actually help...but if you feel that this guy is not worth all of this then just dump him and keep it moving.
reply to Danielle
send this answer to a friendI truly understand that "breaking-up" with anyone - no matter what the reason - is never easy, Blondie. However, I do feel that you're giving this man far more consideration than he deserves. Please stop worrying about putting the right "break-up" words together - gather your confidence on the facts alone. If you've seen his active profile at Match.com, and you're positive that those black hairs in the bathroom aren't yours OR his, then you should feel completely justifed in your decision to end this relationship. The placement of your business card and gift on the nightstand sounds suspiciously more like a "cover-up" than it does a mixed signal, Girlfriend, in light of what you know to be true.
Having said that, I'd like to pose two questions: 1) With or without the clues, would you still be ending the relationship? and 2) Are the clues and the lagging sexlife (another clue) the true reasons behind your decision? If the answer is "yes" to the first question, then you can say politely but adamantly that YOU need to take a break for awhile. It's okay to use the "it's me, not you" excuse and avoid the follow-up calls if they come in. If you answer "no" to the first but "yes" to the second question and still prefer not to mention the clues to his wandering ways, then straight-up asking where his head is at in the relationship is completely within your right as the girl he's been sleeping with. If you suspect his answer is less than honest, then, by all means, at least mention the Match.com incident. This should force him closer to the truth. Make sure, of course, that you mention how your girlfriend saw his profile and brought it to your attention! Obviously, this man is by no means Mr. Perfect and you certainly deserve better - either from him or from someone else.
Having said that, I'd like to pose two questions: 1) With or without the clues, would you still be ending the relationship? and 2) Are the clues and the lagging sexlife (another clue) the true reasons behind your decision? If the answer is "yes" to the first question, then you can say politely but adamantly that YOU need to take a break for awhile. It's okay to use the "it's me, not you" excuse and avoid the follow-up calls if they come in. If you answer "no" to the first but "yes" to the second question and still prefer not to mention the clues to his wandering ways, then straight-up asking where his head is at in the relationship is completely within your right as the girl he's been sleeping with. If you suspect his answer is less than honest, then, by all means, at least mention the Match.com incident. This should force him closer to the truth. Make sure, of course, that you mention how your girlfriend saw his profile and brought it to your attention! Obviously, this man is by no means Mr. Perfect and you certainly deserve better - either from him or from someone else.
reply to Zari
send this answer to a friendGreat minds...
I suggested that because it seemed to me she is still interested, but irritated that he hasn't been devoted to her. This way, she might might someone who blows him right out of the water.
I suggested that because it seemed to me she is still interested, but irritated that he hasn't been devoted to her. This way, she might might someone who blows him right out of the water.
reply to Bonnie
send this answer to a friendMay I welcome you to the world of dating. Awwww...this is the life. OK....not so much. It sucks!
If everyone would just get jiggy wit it and be straight up we'd eliminate a lot of drama. How about this? Now hold on everyone, this is going to be quite shocking. But never fear, I have my trusty volunteer firemen on hand here to resistate if necessary.
Why don't you tell him the truth? Gasp! Now....take a deep breath.......good...ok....
While feelings of rejection and denial are normal, it really makes no sense to delay the inevitable by fantasizing a relationship or future that is more than likely never going to happen.
By making your feelings known, you allow a line of communication to either flourish or not. Either way, an answer will be found.
If everyone would just get jiggy wit it and be straight up we'd eliminate a lot of drama. How about this? Now hold on everyone, this is going to be quite shocking. But never fear, I have my trusty volunteer firemen on hand here to resistate if necessary.
Why don't you tell him the truth? Gasp! Now....take a deep breath.......good...ok....
While feelings of rejection and denial are normal, it really makes no sense to delay the inevitable by fantasizing a relationship or future that is more than likely never going to happen.
By making your feelings known, you allow a line of communication to either flourish or not. Either way, an answer will be found.
reply to Robin
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
It sounds like you've been feeling less than stimulated by this relationship for a while. You've said yourself that you feel he is too wishy-washy and that the way he feels no-longer matters-- you just want out. Even so, breaking up is easier said than done.
In my personal opinion, if you have been seeing someone for over a month, you owe them an in-person break up. Just remember, it doesn't have to be dramatic--you're not married to this man!
Plan to do something neutral like have lunch or take a walk. Pick a time when you will have a little while together, so you don't feel rushed into serious conversation. When the time feels right to bring it up, let him know that although you think he is a really nice person, you don't see your relationship going anywhere and you would rather just be friends/start seeing other people.
Just remember, even though he seems disconnected, he may surprise you and turn out to be totally oblivious to your perceived problems. If he is upset, don't despair, he'll get over it eventually.
Good luck!
~Arlen
It sounds like you've been feeling less than stimulated by this relationship for a while. You've said yourself that you feel he is too wishy-washy and that the way he feels no-longer matters-- you just want out. Even so, breaking up is easier said than done.
In my personal opinion, if you have been seeing someone for over a month, you owe them an in-person break up. Just remember, it doesn't have to be dramatic--you're not married to this man!
Plan to do something neutral like have lunch or take a walk. Pick a time when you will have a little while together, so you don't feel rushed into serious conversation. When the time feels right to bring it up, let him know that although you think he is a really nice person, you don't see your relationship going anywhere and you would rather just be friends/start seeing other people.
Just remember, even though he seems disconnected, he may surprise you and turn out to be totally oblivious to your perceived problems. If he is upset, don't despair, he'll get over it eventually.
Good luck!
~Arlen
reply to Arlen
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Hey Blondie,
There is nothing worse than jumping to conclusions within a relatively new relationship. You have not been together long enough to use the lack of sex as your meter of determination. However, you have been together long enough to know that it is time to have the "talk." If your guy is long-term material, he will be receptive to an open and honest dialogue.
I’m not suggesting a discussion about the future or possible marital plans, but you need figure out if you have an exclusive relationship or not, and by your Nancy Drew description – it sounds like you’re not sure one way or the other. How can you expect to have a successful relationship with anyone, without an occasional discussion?
If he doesn’t want to chat, then perhaps you should find the nearest exit, but don’t leap to conclusions until you know what is going on. Not to mention, I'm sure you would not want him to draw inaccurate conclusions about you.
Knowledge is power, and it is better to make an informed decision regarding the direction of this relationship, than a blind one.
Good Luck!
Angel
There is nothing worse than jumping to conclusions within a relatively new relationship. You have not been together long enough to use the lack of sex as your meter of determination. However, you have been together long enough to know that it is time to have the "talk." If your guy is long-term material, he will be receptive to an open and honest dialogue.
I’m not suggesting a discussion about the future or possible marital plans, but you need figure out if you have an exclusive relationship or not, and by your Nancy Drew description – it sounds like you’re not sure one way or the other. How can you expect to have a successful relationship with anyone, without an occasional discussion?
If he doesn’t want to chat, then perhaps you should find the nearest exit, but don’t leap to conclusions until you know what is going on. Not to mention, I'm sure you would not want him to draw inaccurate conclusions about you.
Knowledge is power, and it is better to make an informed decision regarding the direction of this relationship, than a blind one.
Good Luck!
Angel
reply to Angel
send this answer to a friendOk hunnie buns. Let us be honest. Sex is a two way street and if it's not happening, it isn't all his fault. You didn't mention anything about him pushing you away, so I don't know what the exact situation is. However, if you've only been dating for a few months, then maybe it's just a rough time. Lets say you've been dating for three months, you guys have sex twice a week (usually), and in the past two weeks it has been non-existent. Sin problemo mamacita. This sounds pretty normal. You are either, 1) exiting the Honeymoon stage or 2) Both dealing with busy schedules. If it is the latter, chances are, in your short time together, that you haven't had the chance to go through this yet. Chill out. If it kills you that much, and you don't like the dude anyway, then, by all means, drop that chicken dinner.
In the end, no matter what you choose to do, make sure you're happy...then consider his happiness (if you feel like it ;-) )
In the end, no matter what you choose to do, make sure you're happy...then consider his happiness (if you feel like it ;-) )
reply to Ano
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Blondie wrote: My Cousin's Husband says I should put it on him. He is not an aggressive type, so he thinks I need to light a little fire under his ass.
reply to Tawanda
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It seems to me that you already know the answer. Unfortunately, as we girls tend to do, there is always a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence that we cling to as evidence of a possible alternate reality. What is most clear to me is that if you're both not all hot and heavy (passion and desire is always a good indicator of where things are going: you can't make that shit up) then you're just being friendly. Hey, I have a stuffed animal a friend gave me next to my bed too.
I'd call him up and say "Hey, I'm having sex with someone else too. I think we're done here?"
I'd call him up and say "Hey, I'm having sex with someone else too. I think we're done here?"
reply to Tawanda
send this answer to a friendWishy-washies don't mate with their own. You've chickened out when it comes to breaking up with him, and I'll just bet you never told him that you want – no, NEED – more sex. It's time for you to be direct, be firm. If that doesn't bring out the same in him (or his little party favor), then your work is done. Simply turn on that heel and walk directly, firmly out the door.
One finally bit of advice: save those stuffed animals for a favorite niece or nephew. If it's a man you want in your bed, it's better to stick with toys more suited to consenting adults.
One finally bit of advice: save those stuffed animals for a favorite niece or nephew. If it's a man you want in your bed, it's better to stick with toys more suited to consenting adults.
reply to Ilsabe
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Just don't do it in a text message, which I shamefully did ages ago and which probably ranks up there with Berger's note! Although we certainly weren't that far into the relationship... I would definitely take the chance the next time he calls - no need to call him yourself just to bring it up because it'll just make you nervous and weird about it - to say, "So, I feel like we might be fading out a little bit. It's been (insert number of) months and neither of us has stepped up about being exclusive, so it seems like maybe this just really isn't happening. What do you think?"
Then if he seems honestly upset, you can ask him directly if he wants to see other people, and gauge your response accordingly. If he seems ambivalent at all, dump him right there.
Then if he seems honestly upset, you can ask him directly if he wants to see other people, and gauge your response accordingly. If he seems ambivalent at all, dump him right there.
reply to Simone
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Hey Blondie --
Well – Cuzzy Hubby might or might not be mushy, but he has a great point: communication gets questions answered.
Then again – you sound like you already know the deal. Not to be a brute, but when was the last time -- in history -- that someone's intense desire for you comes off as questionable? Ergo...
You haven't had sex in two weeks...because...? Have you tried to get things cooking and got rejected? No – why aren't you trying then? I'm betting that your bo-hunk isn't the one guy on earth who turns down sex with his new-ish girlfriend, so why exactly haven't you been luring your lunk to the boudoir? Or couch? Or floor? Or park bench?
It seems to me that with your accumulation of theories on his possible infidelities, lack of nookie and inability to address problems that you're quite aware that this relationship is pretty much kaput – and you're just ducking out on slamming the gate. And hey, that's understood – most people don't enjoy getting back into the dating game, but if you're down to counting pubes on the bathroom floor after only three months, you're better off re-casting your reel than trying to revive this dead fish.
PS - Mixed signals, eh? We're talking MEN here...AKA people who occasionally leave their dirty underwear on the living room futon. Often item placement with guys is more convenience/ laziness than romantic concentration, so don't look too much into where Teddy landed for cues on boyfriend's state o' mind.
Lata,
IJ
Well – Cuzzy Hubby might or might not be mushy, but he has a great point: communication gets questions answered.
Then again – you sound like you already know the deal. Not to be a brute, but when was the last time -- in history -- that someone's intense desire for you comes off as questionable? Ergo...
You haven't had sex in two weeks...because...? Have you tried to get things cooking and got rejected? No – why aren't you trying then? I'm betting that your bo-hunk isn't the one guy on earth who turns down sex with his new-ish girlfriend, so why exactly haven't you been luring your lunk to the boudoir? Or couch? Or floor? Or park bench?
It seems to me that with your accumulation of theories on his possible infidelities, lack of nookie and inability to address problems that you're quite aware that this relationship is pretty much kaput – and you're just ducking out on slamming the gate. And hey, that's understood – most people don't enjoy getting back into the dating game, but if you're down to counting pubes on the bathroom floor after only three months, you're better off re-casting your reel than trying to revive this dead fish.
PS - Mixed signals, eh? We're talking MEN here...AKA people who occasionally leave their dirty underwear on the living room futon. Often item placement with guys is more convenience/ laziness than romantic concentration, so don't look too much into where Teddy landed for cues on boyfriend's state o' mind.
Lata,
IJ
reply to IJ
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Dear Blondie, This is one of those situations where the writing is on the wall but you don’t want to read it all. A blind man can see what your boyfriend of a few months is about, and a deaf man can hear it. I’m going to get to the point. Some women need something to cling to even when they know they are being dogged..
You’re holding on to the fact that this mans wallet is in a stuffed animal that you bought him on his night stand and your business card is on his dresser. Chicks don’t care about that and even if someone asked him about the stuffed animal he may say it was a gift from his mother.
Also he may only put the stuffed animal out when you’re coming over. He knows it doesn’t take much for you to be pleased. When a woman lacks love in herself she’ll fall for anything and stand for nothing. Also dear heart be mindful that when the time rhythm of sex changes, (lack there of) unless your man is ill he has otherness going on. Now here’s the real deal this man is on matchbox.com and you found hairs in the bathroom. When women want s another woman to know they are are dealing with they’re man, they will deliberately leave hair on the sink, lipstick on a cup or panties under a pillow etc.
Forget about a mixed signal the sign is overt. You shouldn’t even have to think about this one, let alone chicken out on giving him the ax.
You need to act like he’s a hot pot handle burning the heck out of your hand and drop him like yesterday.
You’re holding on to the fact that this mans wallet is in a stuffed animal that you bought him on his night stand and your business card is on his dresser. Chicks don’t care about that and even if someone asked him about the stuffed animal he may say it was a gift from his mother.
Also he may only put the stuffed animal out when you’re coming over. He knows it doesn’t take much for you to be pleased. When a woman lacks love in herself she’ll fall for anything and stand for nothing. Also dear heart be mindful that when the time rhythm of sex changes, (lack there of) unless your man is ill he has otherness going on. Now here’s the real deal this man is on matchbox.com and you found hairs in the bathroom. When women want s another woman to know they are are dealing with they’re man, they will deliberately leave hair on the sink, lipstick on a cup or panties under a pillow etc.
Forget about a mixed signal the sign is overt. You shouldn’t even have to think about this one, let alone chicken out on giving him the ax.
You need to act like he’s a hot pot handle burning the heck out of your hand and drop him like yesterday.
reply to Zuri
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
It sounds as though neither of you are sure what you want from this arrangement.
On the one hand, you seem upset at the lack of sex, the discovery of his online dating profile (How did you find this by the way?) and the black hairs that apparently do not belong to you in his bathroom.
Conversely, he maintains a close relationship with your business card and a stuffed animal (interesting choice of gift.)
The question here is whether you actually want to end things with him.
It seems as though you desire more of a general direction for the relationship, but since you're not getting an answer, you're first response is to just move on.
Your best course of action is to meet-up with him in person (You can't text message break-up), sit him and the stuffed animal down, and let him know exactly how you feel.
Continue to play it cool so he realizes that you're not giving him an ultimatum, but you desire some better communication.
If it all works out, a Tickle Me Elmo doll could be in his future.
It sounds as though neither of you are sure what you want from this arrangement.
On the one hand, you seem upset at the lack of sex, the discovery of his online dating profile (How did you find this by the way?) and the black hairs that apparently do not belong to you in his bathroom.
Conversely, he maintains a close relationship with your business card and a stuffed animal (interesting choice of gift.)
The question here is whether you actually want to end things with him.
It seems as though you desire more of a general direction for the relationship, but since you're not getting an answer, you're first response is to just move on.
Your best course of action is to meet-up with him in person (You can't text message break-up), sit him and the stuffed animal down, and let him know exactly how you feel.
Continue to play it cool so he realizes that you're not giving him an ultimatum, but you desire some better communication.
If it all works out, a Tickle Me Elmo doll could be in his future.
reply to Kevin
send this answer to a friendI guess Ive got a bit different point of view on this. In my opinion if you've been thinking the need for a conversation let me tell you if you do it over the phone it will only end in misery for you. Men are very often overly brave on the phone because they don't have to fear your disappointment in person. If you feel the need for a conversation then you ought to do it in person and do it while he's doing something else that's mindless, like driving. Coversations with men go a lot better when they have something else to concentrate on, can't walk away, and yet can't get bored. But girl, when you think about it, you've already gotten all of his answers. He's seaking other companions- online or not it's still the same deal- he's a jumper- meaning he won't end the relationship with you- or give you a reason to end it if he's a chicken (like telling you he's cheated whether or not he did) - but he won't end the relationship until he's got another one lined up. If he did some unusual trimming on himself and yet hasn't advanced on you to show you (men get really excited when they do stuff like that, it definitely wasn't for his benefit). And lets just say that if he had physical thoughts of you on his mind he would have had you already- most likely he's already having physical relations with someone else.
I would sincerely break it off if it were me, look for a man that treats you right and can't keep his hands off you. No more fooling yourself. Sometimes you just have to get the hint that he might not be into you.
I would sincerely break it off if it were me, look for a man that treats you right and can't keep his hands off you. No more fooling yourself. Sometimes you just have to get the hint that he might not be into you.
reply to elle
send this answer to a friendHi Chick. Maybe your heart is not in it. If you're dreading his calls then it sounds to me like you've lost a little interest, but none of you want to take the initiative to end the relationship. Is there a spark between you? But like you said you haven't had sex in two weeks and the longer you leave it, the more you may want to end it, but not have the dutch courage to end it.
Some men can be very hard to read. Maybe he really does like you but he's trying to play hard to get. Most men don't seem interested in the beginning, and tend not to make much effort.
It's best to be honest with him and tell him it's not working for you any more, and if he asks why explain, but if he doesn't then you don't need to, like they say curiousity kills the cat. Good luck
Some men can be very hard to read. Maybe he really does like you but he's trying to play hard to get. Most men don't seem interested in the beginning, and tend not to make much effort.
It's best to be honest with him and tell him it's not working for you any more, and if he asks why explain, but if he doesn't then you don't need to, like they say curiousity kills the cat. Good luck
reply to Helen
send this answer to a friendHi Blondie--
It doesn't seem to matter to me what he's been up to, or why, or why not, but what YOU want. If you haven't had sex in two weeks- sounds to me like you're bored. You should be with someone who you fantasize about getting into bed all day, and then do when given the opportunity. Look to your friends for companionship, watching a movie, going out to dinner, and ditch this guy so you put yourself in a place to meet someone new who after a few months is still exciting to jump in the sack with.
You want the business card on his dresser.. and the passion in bed. Don't settle for less than both. Go find it.
It doesn't seem to matter to me what he's been up to, or why, or why not, but what YOU want. If you haven't had sex in two weeks- sounds to me like you're bored. You should be with someone who you fantasize about getting into bed all day, and then do when given the opportunity. Look to your friends for companionship, watching a movie, going out to dinner, and ditch this guy so you put yourself in a place to meet someone new who after a few months is still exciting to jump in the sack with.
You want the business card on his dresser.. and the passion in bed. Don't settle for less than both. Go find it.
reply to Jessica
send this answer to a friendDear Inspector Blanc,
What is the best way to break up with someone you have been seeing for a few months, 3x a week, and haven't had sex together in more than two weeks?
Hmmm. Let's think about your "wishy-washy" accusation and review your quagmire:
You can look at the reality...He is:
1.) Surfing Match.com
2.) Sleeping with another person
3.) Not being intimate with you
Or hope for drAma [deraaaama] and waste time waffling in the curious caverns of your own mind along with the dancing unicorns and the birds tying bows in your hair:
1.) Your biz card is on his dresser but your lingerie is not.
2.) Your stuffed animal gift is on his nightstand, although you are not anywhere close to his nightstand.
3.) He may have something occurring in his life that has deprioritized sex with you and he hasn't yet had an opportunity to talk it through with you.
If you want to break up, continue to do the flaky guessing dance=waffling.
If you want to demonstrate that you are a strong independent and empowered woman=have a conversation with him.
Say no to drAma and yes to clear communication.
This gibe will also improve your sex life.
What is the best way to break up with someone you have been seeing for a few months, 3x a week, and haven't had sex together in more than two weeks?
Hmmm. Let's think about your "wishy-washy" accusation and review your quagmire:
You can look at the reality...He is:
1.) Surfing Match.com
2.) Sleeping with another person
3.) Not being intimate with you
Or hope for drAma [deraaaama] and waste time waffling in the curious caverns of your own mind along with the dancing unicorns and the birds tying bows in your hair:
1.) Your biz card is on his dresser but your lingerie is not.
2.) Your stuffed animal gift is on his nightstand, although you are not anywhere close to his nightstand.
3.) He may have something occurring in his life that has deprioritized sex with you and he hasn't yet had an opportunity to talk it through with you.
If you want to break up, continue to do the flaky guessing dance=waffling.
If you want to demonstrate that you are a strong independent and empowered woman=have a conversation with him.
Say no to drAma and yes to clear communication.
This gibe will also improve your sex life.
reply to Mookie
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Dear Blondie,
In defense of the Match.com profile, did you ever officially label your relationship? And it might just be active because the guy has something better to do than to update his online life every five minutes. I have a good job but it doesn't mean I took my resume off every online job website. I just don't have the time. It doesn't mean I am still actively looking for a new gig.
So let me ask if you were uninterested in him before or after the Match.com profile and the CSI investigation of his bathroom?
If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. A 'break' is a watered down way of saying its over. Addicts don't take a break from addictions. You have to quit cold turkey.
If you do break it off have the decency to tell him to his face. If he called you right now and ended it, you might be happy that he pulled the ripcord on a free falling relationship, but then you'd be ticked off he did it over the phone.
There are plenty of other Hardy Boys out there Nancy Drew.
In defense of the Match.com profile, did you ever officially label your relationship? And it might just be active because the guy has something better to do than to update his online life every five minutes. I have a good job but it doesn't mean I took my resume off every online job website. I just don't have the time. It doesn't mean I am still actively looking for a new gig.
So let me ask if you were uninterested in him before or after the Match.com profile and the CSI investigation of his bathroom?
If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. A 'break' is a watered down way of saying its over. Addicts don't take a break from addictions. You have to quit cold turkey.
If you do break it off have the decency to tell him to his face. If he called you right now and ended it, you might be happy that he pulled the ripcord on a free falling relationship, but then you'd be ticked off he did it over the phone.
There are plenty of other Hardy Boys out there Nancy Drew.
reply to Chris
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
I don't understand your dilema. If you want to break up with this man you should "Just Do It". Think of any instance in the past where a relationship has ended. How did it end? Were you the "breaker" or the "breakee"? Use these experiences to direct you in this situation. Make a time to meet at his place-give him the home court advantage on this one-and let him know that this relationship is not working for you. This is the most mature way to handle a break up and it allows you to remain friends. Give him a hug and tell him you hope he finds a woman who loves him (recall the sceen in "About Last Night") and then move on, girl! Life is too short to be with a man who makes you feel "wishy-washy"! Make sure your profile is active on Match.com and start putting your feeling first. A woman's intuition is her most important guide in this life...FOLLOW YOURS!
I don't understand your dilema. If you want to break up with this man you should "Just Do It". Think of any instance in the past where a relationship has ended. How did it end? Were you the "breaker" or the "breakee"? Use these experiences to direct you in this situation. Make a time to meet at his place-give him the home court advantage on this one-and let him know that this relationship is not working for you. This is the most mature way to handle a break up and it allows you to remain friends. Give him a hug and tell him you hope he finds a woman who loves him (recall the sceen in "About Last Night") and then move on, girl! Life is too short to be with a man who makes you feel "wishy-washy"! Make sure your profile is active on Match.com and start putting your feeling first. A woman's intuition is her most important guide in this life...FOLLOW YOURS!
reply to Nancy
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
I'm a big believer in chemistry and timing. Something brought you together in the first place, but whatever it was its fizzled already. Hanging on to a sinking ship is the surest way to drown. My advice is to tell him honestly that you don't feel a strong connection and you want to be friends and that you know he feels the same way too. You will probably be letting him off easy so he doesn't have to do it and you'll both breath a big sigh of relief. The sooner you do it, the quicker you'll both move on or you may hop right into the sack. Sometimes honesty can be an amazing turn-on. The relationship is on the edge. Give it a shove!
EV
I'm a big believer in chemistry and timing. Something brought you together in the first place, but whatever it was its fizzled already. Hanging on to a sinking ship is the surest way to drown. My advice is to tell him honestly that you don't feel a strong connection and you want to be friends and that you know he feels the same way too. You will probably be letting him off easy so he doesn't have to do it and you'll both breath a big sigh of relief. The sooner you do it, the quicker you'll both move on or you may hop right into the sack. Sometimes honesty can be an amazing turn-on. The relationship is on the edge. Give it a shove!
EV
reply to Amy
send this answer to a friendBlondie,
There are two options here, all depending on whether you care or not about how he will view you in the end.
1) Fade to nothing: You can play the ever-seductive withholding game, bringing your calls/messages/rendezvous to "occasional" and then eventually to "zilch." However, the problem here is that you'll seem like a very shady individual who he will place in the "Shady" category. Most likely, you won't hear from him again- but this can be a good thing if you don't care to rekindle this almost-dead flame later on.
2. Awkward-to-civil. Yes, we all dread the uncomfortable break-up conversation, but there is an upside to taking this approach. You don't need to be specific. You don't owe him much of an explanation, considering he hasn't been exceptional himself. He will respect you, though he may not show it at first, and ultimately, you can be civil with each other, maintaining some contact and the opportunity for friendship or more in the future.
There are two options here, all depending on whether you care or not about how he will view you in the end.
1) Fade to nothing: You can play the ever-seductive withholding game, bringing your calls/messages/rendezvous to "occasional" and then eventually to "zilch." However, the problem here is that you'll seem like a very shady individual who he will place in the "Shady" category. Most likely, you won't hear from him again- but this can be a good thing if you don't care to rekindle this almost-dead flame later on.
2. Awkward-to-civil. Yes, we all dread the uncomfortable break-up conversation, but there is an upside to taking this approach. You don't need to be specific. You don't owe him much of an explanation, considering he hasn't been exceptional himself. He will respect you, though he may not show it at first, and ultimately, you can be civil with each other, maintaining some contact and the opportunity for friendship or more in the future.
reply to Diana
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You so answered your own q- if you're not sure about him, then you're not sure.
I also want to point out that you mentioned your business card on his table as a good thing. If it was a passionate relationship, there would be something a little more, uhm, personal, that you would find cute.
There's something about this guy that rubs me the wrong way- and doesn't rub you at all. If you were to flee into obscurity, would he notice? Maybe it's time to try it.
I also want to point out that you mentioned your business card on his table as a good thing. If it was a passionate relationship, there would be something a little more, uhm, personal, that you would find cute.
There's something about this guy that rubs me the wrong way- and doesn't rub you at all. If you were to flee into obscurity, would he notice? Maybe it's time to try it.
reply to Anna
send this answer to a friendMen appreciate women who are as straight forward as they are. If you're not really into him, don't sweat it. The next time he calls, tell him he's a nice guy but, you're not really into him...or, you need a break. He'll probably thank you for your honesty.
reply to S.P.
send this answer to a friendHey Blondie, I know you've probably heard this alot, but honesty really is the best policy. Take it from a guy, nothing is worst than a girl who beats around the bush with this sort of thing.
Just be real with him and if he's a man, he'll take it and learn from this experience.
If he's in love with you, he'll try his best to get you back and who doesn't like that?
If he's a loser, he'll complain and sob and, well, that should definitely assure you to hit the bricks.
So in all cases, if you're honest with him on breaking it, you'll come out on top, hopefully in more ways than one if he tries to get you back.
Just be real with him and if he's a man, he'll take it and learn from this experience.
If he's in love with you, he'll try his best to get you back and who doesn't like that?
If he's a loser, he'll complain and sob and, well, that should definitely assure you to hit the bricks.
So in all cases, if you're honest with him on breaking it, you'll come out on top, hopefully in more ways than one if he tries to get you back.
reply to Andrew
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B,
Just remember it's a 2 way street...Although there are many one way streets and it seems his on one of those at the moment...You need to take a direct approach at him since life is just to short...Perhaps there is something else wrong in his life that dosen't have anything to do with your relationship. Take one more shot...My advice is to get him in a nice relaxed mood and hit him between the eyes with the situation...so cook him his favorite meal with fine bottle of wine and if he dosen't budge show him the door and kick him to the curb...Maybe this is what he needs to come around? I'm a guy and I know these things.
The Garlic Love God
Just remember it's a 2 way street...Although there are many one way streets and it seems his on one of those at the moment...You need to take a direct approach at him since life is just to short...Perhaps there is something else wrong in his life that dosen't have anything to do with your relationship. Take one more shot...My advice is to get him in a nice relaxed mood and hit him between the eyes with the situation...so cook him his favorite meal with fine bottle of wine and if he dosen't budge show him the door and kick him to the curb...Maybe this is what he needs to come around? I'm a guy and I know these things.
The Garlic Love God
reply to Father Ray
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Honey-- just do what all the other hot chicks do and stop answering his calls, texts, emails . . . morning breath, etc. You get the picture. Eventually he will too after a few too many unanticipated solo rendevous . . . Scrape that piddly taking-the-relationship-for-granted-man-doo from off the bottom of your Jimmy Choo before you drag his crap further into your life!
match.com? Black hairs on the bathroom floor?
*choking: cheater!*
What more of a signal do you want? An invite to his wedding? Stop letting him get the best of you-- it's as clear as Patty Pole Dancer's heels that the two of you only share mutual feelings of hanging on for nothing (although, you didn't seem to be, but I would have been skeeved out my skull by the anonymous hairs on the floor . . . ewwwww).
Would you rather have to live down that he dumped you instead? There is not enough Belgian Chocolate Chocolate ice cream to console that kind of devastation in the world. Okay for a week, maybe. But you get the picture.
match.com? Black hairs on the bathroom floor?
*choking: cheater!*
What more of a signal do you want? An invite to his wedding? Stop letting him get the best of you-- it's as clear as Patty Pole Dancer's heels that the two of you only share mutual feelings of hanging on for nothing (although, you didn't seem to be, but I would have been skeeved out my skull by the anonymous hairs on the floor . . . ewwwww).
Would you rather have to live down that he dumped you instead? There is not enough Belgian Chocolate Chocolate ice cream to console that kind of devastation in the world. Okay for a week, maybe. But you get the picture.
reply to Gigi
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Dear Blonde Nancy Drew,
If I were you, I'd set up a fake account on match.com as some super hot chick and meet him for coffee. When he shows up, you can lay the break-up on him...
Seriously, though, it sounds like you're not quite sure if it is over. Some questions need to be answered and some truths need to be told before you make a final decision.
Let's look at the facts:
Match.com--did you agree to exclusivity? What were you doing there?
Black hairs on the bathroom floor--whose are they really?
Your biz card in the little tray--is that a signal or just where he happened to toss it when he emptied out his pockets?
Match up the answers to these questions to the desires of your innermost soul, and solve the mystery, Blonde Nancy Drew
Eight Ball says ASK AGAIN LATER.
If I were you, I'd set up a fake account on match.com as some super hot chick and meet him for coffee. When he shows up, you can lay the break-up on him...
Seriously, though, it sounds like you're not quite sure if it is over. Some questions need to be answered and some truths need to be told before you make a final decision.
Let's look at the facts:
Match.com--did you agree to exclusivity? What were you doing there?
Black hairs on the bathroom floor--whose are they really?
Your biz card in the little tray--is that a signal or just where he happened to toss it when he emptied out his pockets?
Match up the answers to these questions to the desires of your innermost soul, and solve the mystery, Blonde Nancy Drew
Eight Ball says ASK AGAIN LATER.
reply to Sea Gypsy
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Dear Blondie,
You already moved on, it just hasn't been official. Use a guy line back on him. When he calls tell him you just want to be his friend. You'll come off as the classy vixen you are. Then put on your hottest outfit and go out to the local hangout and git your flirt on. Its seems you are long over due for some TLC.
You already moved on, it just hasn't been official. Use a guy line back on him. When he calls tell him you just want to be his friend. You'll come off as the classy vixen you are. Then put on your hottest outfit and go out to the local hangout and git your flirt on. Its seems you are long over due for some TLC.
reply to Suzanna
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Hey Blondie!
I have no idea if you're going to be able to see this after the massive amount of comments you got, and it will probably be superfluous, but I'm going to talk anyway, since I'm a horribly nosy person.
Anyways, EW about the pubes everywhere on the bathroom floor. That's just disgusting, even for a man.
I think that's reason enough to dump his "wishy-washy" butt out.
But in case that isn't enough, I mean, you said yourself that you can't stand him. I guess you should hand it delicately but firmly.
Be truthful and blunt. Tell him you think it isn't working out, and that you think it's time both of you moved on.
But mostly, do what feels right to YOU. No one can tell you exactly what to do. :)
Best of luck! It's a bit tough and it's going to be awkward, but you'll feel so much better afterward.
I have no idea if you're going to be able to see this after the massive amount of comments you got, and it will probably be superfluous, but I'm going to talk anyway, since I'm a horribly nosy person.
Anyways, EW about the pubes everywhere on the bathroom floor. That's just disgusting, even for a man.
I think that's reason enough to dump his "wishy-washy" butt out.
But in case that isn't enough, I mean, you said yourself that you can't stand him. I guess you should hand it delicately but firmly.
Be truthful and blunt. Tell him you think it isn't working out, and that you think it's time both of you moved on.
But mostly, do what feels right to YOU. No one can tell you exactly what to do. :)
Best of luck! It's a bit tough and it's going to be awkward, but you'll feel so much better afterward.
reply to Miki Cupcake
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You sound like you’re not really thinking clearly -- if you really didn’t care about the relationship, you certainly wouldn’t be so upset about the hairs and the activity on match.com. You can go about this a few ways:
Confront him. Ask him, gently, what the deal is; are you exclusive or not? If he gives you an answer you dislike, explain you need something else and it’s time to end it.
Get together with him and explain that you are no longer interested in a relationship; it’s easier than letting it fester and draw out for weeks on end.
Those are really your only two solutions, even if you do decide to stay together. Good luck.
Confront him. Ask him, gently, what the deal is; are you exclusive or not? If he gives you an answer you dislike, explain you need something else and it’s time to end it.
Get together with him and explain that you are no longer interested in a relationship; it’s easier than letting it fester and draw out for weeks on end.
Those are really your only two solutions, even if you do decide to stay together. Good luck.
reply to Kate
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: Specifically, how would you say that?
"Hello, I won't be seeing you anymore. Goodbye" seems a little ripe.
reply to Kate
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You: Hey, how's it going?
Him: Some answer, blah etc.
You: Do you have a few moments to talk? This isn't going to be easy.
Him: Oh.
You: I appreciate the time you've spent in this relationship and we've had some great outings, some great times -- but I think we're two different people that are no longer suited for each other. What do you think?
Him: Some answer, blah etc.
You: Do you have a few moments to talk? This isn't going to be easy.
Him: Oh.
You: I appreciate the time you've spent in this relationship and we've had some great outings, some great times -- but I think we're two different people that are no longer suited for each other. What do you think?
reply to Kate
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We each chart our journey towards wisdom down a river of tears. That's just a sad fact. Fortunately, the education we get always proves worth the paddle. Eventually.
So, whenever you get in one of these vix-mixes that monopolize your time, stop and ask yourself: Is THIS the way I want to spend the LAST day of my life? (Jot that down. Hang that up. Read it daily. Watch the paper yellow over time.)
Life is the lesson of the day. The trick is to learn the lesson and move on.
And, yes. I have been in the position of losing someone dear to me for unknown reasons except to him or her. Whenever I looked back after recovering from the rejection, I saw myself as either being too needy, or too annoying -- often brought on by a secret, cowardly desire to move on, but not wanting to be the one who felt obligated to explain why.
Relationships are seldom simple, and often self-destruct out of necessity. Sometimes there is no why. Sometimes there's only a when.
And sometimes there's a new woman you don't know about, who's heard about you and wants you out of the equation.
Dig deep. Be brutally honest. Chances are, the answer as to why is as clear as the pimple on your nose. Hard to look at, impossible to hide, begging for your attention.
He's the pimple.
You know what to do.
So, whenever you get in one of these vix-mixes that monopolize your time, stop and ask yourself: Is THIS the way I want to spend the LAST day of my life? (Jot that down. Hang that up. Read it daily. Watch the paper yellow over time.)
Life is the lesson of the day. The trick is to learn the lesson and move on.
And, yes. I have been in the position of losing someone dear to me for unknown reasons except to him or her. Whenever I looked back after recovering from the rejection, I saw myself as either being too needy, or too annoying -- often brought on by a secret, cowardly desire to move on, but not wanting to be the one who felt obligated to explain why.
Relationships are seldom simple, and often self-destruct out of necessity. Sometimes there is no why. Sometimes there's only a when.
And sometimes there's a new woman you don't know about, who's heard about you and wants you out of the equation.
Dig deep. Be brutally honest. Chances are, the answer as to why is as clear as the pimple on your nose. Hard to look at, impossible to hide, begging for your attention.
He's the pimple.
You know what to do.
reply to Karma
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Blondie,
Since you don't have too much vested in the relationship, you don't need to be fussing over it nearly so much as it looks like.
Is it headed nowhere because you haven't had sex, or is it because you generally don't want to carry the relationship on any longer? I think those are two very important questions you need to ask yourself.
1) If it's because of the lack of the dirty, it's necessary to discover whether or not you're ready to move into the next step of the relationship, which is where this could be headed.
2) If it's because of the latter question, you just need to be honest, tell him you're done, thank him, and try to not see him again for a while.
3) He needs to clean up the short hairs.
If he's been active on Match.com, he's probably already moved on. You need to be the grown-up here and end it now. Like I said, you don't have to sugar coat. In fact, don't even touch the sugar.
Since you don't have too much vested in the relationship, you don't need to be fussing over it nearly so much as it looks like.
Is it headed nowhere because you haven't had sex, or is it because you generally don't want to carry the relationship on any longer? I think those are two very important questions you need to ask yourself.
1) If it's because of the lack of the dirty, it's necessary to discover whether or not you're ready to move into the next step of the relationship, which is where this could be headed.
2) If it's because of the latter question, you just need to be honest, tell him you're done, thank him, and try to not see him again for a while.
3) He needs to clean up the short hairs.
If he's been active on Match.com, he's probably already moved on. You need to be the grown-up here and end it now. Like I said, you don't have to sugar coat. In fact, don't even touch the sugar.
reply to Jourdan
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sounds like you just need to tell him and get it over with go straight for the jugglar
reply to Deb
send this answer to a friendHmmmmm....should I take it that your match.com profile is hidden or inactive? You might consider making it visible--he'll surely come across it in his search results, which would most likely prompt him to say something to you, since you are so hesitant to initiate the conversation yourself.
I hate to refer back to the book, but it might just simply be a case of "He's Just Not That Into You." Sure, he likes you; afterall, he has your business card handy, he kept the teddy bear near the bed...But he is also still actively looking for women on match.com and, hard as this may be to hear, the writing is on the wall.
Have the black hairs just appeared recently? I take it that they belong to an unknown third party. If, in fact, he is doing the nasty with another woman, his conscience (if he has one) could be holding him back from sleeping with you.
In a nutshell: I believe that if you get to a point where you consider having the "where do we stand?" conversation then you are not in a very good place. You yourself he is not even worth this talk, so why bother? You could stick around, saying nothing, and see if he ends it with you....but why put yourself through that? I say this: Get you profile back up on that screen and set up another date! If he wants you, he'll come get you! (But do you even want him?)
I hate to refer back to the book, but it might just simply be a case of "He's Just Not That Into You." Sure, he likes you; afterall, he has your business card handy, he kept the teddy bear near the bed...But he is also still actively looking for women on match.com and, hard as this may be to hear, the writing is on the wall.
Have the black hairs just appeared recently? I take it that they belong to an unknown third party. If, in fact, he is doing the nasty with another woman, his conscience (if he has one) could be holding him back from sleeping with you.
In a nutshell: I believe that if you get to a point where you consider having the "where do we stand?" conversation then you are not in a very good place. You yourself he is not even worth this talk, so why bother? You could stick around, saying nothing, and see if he ends it with you....but why put yourself through that? I say this: Get you profile back up on that screen and set up another date! If he wants you, he'll come get you! (But do you even want him?)
reply to Megan
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
You cannot stoke the flames of a fire that never fully ignited. If this brief affair had commenced in whirlwind of passion then fizzled, there might be some hope of resurrection. But this guy sounds either bored or boring.
It doesn’t take a sleuth to discover that someone actively seeking romance on a dating website isn’t fully invested in their relationship. Your business card is still on his bureau? Well, her black hairs are still on his floor- which takes precedence?
You deserve romance and passion, Blondie, not some luke-warm bedwarmer who puts in the minimal effort required.
You cannot stoke the flames of a fire that never fully ignited. If this brief affair had commenced in whirlwind of passion then fizzled, there might be some hope of resurrection. But this guy sounds either bored or boring.
It doesn’t take a sleuth to discover that someone actively seeking romance on a dating website isn’t fully invested in their relationship. Your business card is still on his bureau? Well, her black hairs are still on his floor- which takes precedence?
You deserve romance and passion, Blondie, not some luke-warm bedwarmer who puts in the minimal effort required.
reply to Anna
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
If you're not feeling the relationship, then you're not feeling the relationship. "A few months in" is way too soon for the honeymoon to be over. Stop worrying about the evidence on his bathroom floor, give him a call, and give him a nice face to face break up. A simple: "you're a great guy, but I just don't feel like we're a good match." will suffice.
Then, go and get tested. One can't be too safe in this day and age, and if you get the slightest hint that he might have been unfaithful, you should make sure you didn't kiss everyone he's been kissing.
If you're not feeling the relationship, then you're not feeling the relationship. "A few months in" is way too soon for the honeymoon to be over. Stop worrying about the evidence on his bathroom floor, give him a call, and give him a nice face to face break up. A simple: "you're a great guy, but I just don't feel like we're a good match." will suffice.
Then, go and get tested. One can't be too safe in this day and age, and if you get the slightest hint that he might have been unfaithful, you should make sure you didn't kiss everyone he's been kissing.
reply to Dann
send this answer to a friendWhat are you feeling about the relationship? From what you’ve stated – “I don't really care what he thinks. He's too wishy washy for me” – it sounds to me like you want to end the relationship but are afraid that you might make a mistake by doing so. Maybe you’re moving into the next stage of your relationship, whatever that is, in which case you definitely need to have a conversation to make sure you’re both on the same page about where things are headed. Most importantly, you need the conversation to make sure that you’re on the same page with the substance of your relationship – no activity on match.com, regular sex, etc. – if you do decide to stay together.
reply to Sunera
send this answer to a friendI have a philosophy about clothes purchases (bear with me for a second - there's an analogy forthcoming) - if there's an article of clothing you feel you must have but you're not sure if it's an impulse buy, walk away from it.
Later that day, if you keep thinking, no, longing for that emerald green cardigan sweater, then go back and buy it. But if it fades from your memory, then it was probably an impulse buy waiting to happen.
He sounds like an impulse buy, not an emerald green cardigan.
Later that day, if you keep thinking, no, longing for that emerald green cardigan sweater, then go back and buy it. But if it fades from your memory, then it was probably an impulse buy waiting to happen.
He sounds like an impulse buy, not an emerald green cardigan.
reply to Beth
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
Well, honey, it sounds like you're ready to drain the tub before letting it fill with water. Perhaps you need to have a different type of conversation with this guy before you launch into the break-up song. And that conversation might work best if you tell him the absolute truth about how you feel, because if you don't start with absolute honesty, then there's no hope for a true partnership.
So the first step would be for you to ask yourself just what the truth really is. What do you actually want with him, if you're 100 percent honest with yourself. Do you want him to be totally into you, do you want a passionate romance, or do you want him to disappear? What's your vision? Hold that vision, and then go talk to him.
And when you do talk, let him know your concerns, straight out, no polite cover-ups. Tell him that you found him lurking on Match.com, and let him know how that made you feel. Tell him your concerns about the lack of sexual sizzle, and ask what he thinks is going on. Tell him you're confused about where things are headed--your cousin's husband is right on.
There's a reason why you're having trouble blurting out the break-up line, and it probably doesn't have to do with lack of verbal ingenuity. More likely, it has to do with ambivalence.
All good things for you, Blondie.
Well, honey, it sounds like you're ready to drain the tub before letting it fill with water. Perhaps you need to have a different type of conversation with this guy before you launch into the break-up song. And that conversation might work best if you tell him the absolute truth about how you feel, because if you don't start with absolute honesty, then there's no hope for a true partnership.
So the first step would be for you to ask yourself just what the truth really is. What do you actually want with him, if you're 100 percent honest with yourself. Do you want him to be totally into you, do you want a passionate romance, or do you want him to disappear? What's your vision? Hold that vision, and then go talk to him.
And when you do talk, let him know your concerns, straight out, no polite cover-ups. Tell him that you found him lurking on Match.com, and let him know how that made you feel. Tell him your concerns about the lack of sexual sizzle, and ask what he thinks is going on. Tell him you're confused about where things are headed--your cousin's husband is right on.
There's a reason why you're having trouble blurting out the break-up line, and it probably doesn't have to do with lack of verbal ingenuity. More likely, it has to do with ambivalence.
All good things for you, Blondie.
reply to Hiyaguha
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
What you need to do is have a conversation with yourself. (sounds nutty, but seriously) Ask yourself why you want to break if off with him? Or what you are looking for out of your "situation". It appears to me that you don't really want to break if off with him, but you want to beat him to the punch so it won't hurt as bad if he ends it with you. You want some answers.
So what I suggest you do is call him and make plans to go get together so you can talk. ( these kinds of conversations are best held in person - however don't say it's to talk because then he will ask why, blah blah blah ) Then when you get together just say I have some things I wanted to talk to you about, and just be upfront and honest. (Cliche, but the only way) Ask him what you want to know. ( Where he sees this going, and the other questions you came up with when you were talking to yourself) Next, just let him know how you feel. Sometimes guys are just oblivious to what they are doing, and think that girls think/feel the same as they do and forget that we are more emotional. The fact that he has your stuffed animal and your card appears to me that he does at least have feelings for you, but maybe needs a little nudge in the right direction.
If in the event you decide you really do want to break it off with him, I would also suggest a face to face meeting and just be honest. You don't really see this going anywhere and there is no point in continuing to pursue the relationship, and it's best for you both to move on.
I hope this helps!
J.FRITCH
What you need to do is have a conversation with yourself. (sounds nutty, but seriously) Ask yourself why you want to break if off with him? Or what you are looking for out of your "situation". It appears to me that you don't really want to break if off with him, but you want to beat him to the punch so it won't hurt as bad if he ends it with you. You want some answers.
So what I suggest you do is call him and make plans to go get together so you can talk. ( these kinds of conversations are best held in person - however don't say it's to talk because then he will ask why, blah blah blah ) Then when you get together just say I have some things I wanted to talk to you about, and just be upfront and honest. (Cliche, but the only way) Ask him what you want to know. ( Where he sees this going, and the other questions you came up with when you were talking to yourself) Next, just let him know how you feel. Sometimes guys are just oblivious to what they are doing, and think that girls think/feel the same as they do and forget that we are more emotional. The fact that he has your stuffed animal and your card appears to me that he does at least have feelings for you, but maybe needs a little nudge in the right direction.
If in the event you decide you really do want to break it off with him, I would also suggest a face to face meeting and just be honest. You don't really see this going anywhere and there is no point in continuing to pursue the relationship, and it's best for you both to move on.
I hope this helps!
J.FRITCH
reply to Jessica
send this answer to a friendI don't think you want to take a break. I think you want to break up. Remember Jerry Maguire? Just be honest with him and tell him things aren't working out. You don't sound lame. He's lame for being active on match.com. You're so much better than that. I can tell because even though he's acting immature, you still care about his feelings enough to seek advice. Ditch him fast and concentrate on wonderful you.
reply to Jennifer
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
The sooner you lay your thoughts out on the table, the better. Your feelings of confusion and frustration aren't going anywhere but downhill. And before you know it, you won't just be noticing the little black hairs splayed all over the bathroom floor, but then you'll start piecing together where those hairs came from... and that's a recipe for disaster.
Look, you're already losing interest in him, and that's evident. What you need to do is tell him why this relationship isn't exactly what you signed up for. You owe it to yourself to be happy. And seeing his active profile on match.com isn't exactly a tell-tale sign of happiness from his end, either.
Just take a deep breath, make a list of what has been missing; what you would like to see more of, what you would like to see less of, and give it to him straight. Guys can appreciate a woman who knows what she wants. And even if you say you don't care what he thinks, still give him the benefit of listening. You never know, maybe a surge of communication will open up a door you never knew existed.
Or maybe you'll simply end it on a good note and move on to a guy who is more conscious of their bathroom cleanliness levels.
The sooner you lay your thoughts out on the table, the better. Your feelings of confusion and frustration aren't going anywhere but downhill. And before you know it, you won't just be noticing the little black hairs splayed all over the bathroom floor, but then you'll start piecing together where those hairs came from... and that's a recipe for disaster.
Look, you're already losing interest in him, and that's evident. What you need to do is tell him why this relationship isn't exactly what you signed up for. You owe it to yourself to be happy. And seeing his active profile on match.com isn't exactly a tell-tale sign of happiness from his end, either.
Just take a deep breath, make a list of what has been missing; what you would like to see more of, what you would like to see less of, and give it to him straight. Guys can appreciate a woman who knows what she wants. And even if you say you don't care what he thinks, still give him the benefit of listening. You never know, maybe a surge of communication will open up a door you never knew existed.
Or maybe you'll simply end it on a good note and move on to a guy who is more conscious of their bathroom cleanliness levels.
reply to Agatha
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Dear Blondie,
I think it is best to focus on *your* feelings when breaking things off with him. By using language such as "I haven't been sensing that *you* are" and "I think *you* would" you are ignoring the real issue, which is that YOU are looking to move on. Moreover, he may feel that you are telling him how he feels if you make what you assume his feelings to be the central point of the conversation. And most people do not appreciate that.
Re: his online dating life and the hairs you found in his bathroom, it's probably best to let that go. It sounds like you have decided that you definitely want out, so why spend so much energy on things that will soon no longer matter?
Break-up conversations are difficult, so make sure you allow yourself to face this in the way you are most comfortable with, whether that be in person or via phone.
Good luck with the conversation, however you wish to have it!
Best,
Maria
I think it is best to focus on *your* feelings when breaking things off with him. By using language such as "I haven't been sensing that *you* are" and "I think *you* would" you are ignoring the real issue, which is that YOU are looking to move on. Moreover, he may feel that you are telling him how he feels if you make what you assume his feelings to be the central point of the conversation. And most people do not appreciate that.
Re: his online dating life and the hairs you found in his bathroom, it's probably best to let that go. It sounds like you have decided that you definitely want out, so why spend so much energy on things that will soon no longer matter?
Break-up conversations are difficult, so make sure you allow yourself to face this in the way you are most comfortable with, whether that be in person or via phone.
Good luck with the conversation, however you wish to have it!
Best,
Maria
reply to Maria
send this answer to a friendI am the Queen of sticking with lame relationships just because...well it seems like a better alternative to singledom. It's NOT. You are wasting your time with this guy, and while it is sweet that he keeps your business card within easy reach, might this just mean that he can never remember your phone number?
You admitted that he is too "wishy-washy" for you and that is what matters. It's time to move on to someone who makes you feel appreciated and secure in the relationship. Don't settle for some half baked relationship, you deserve the best.
You admitted that he is too "wishy-washy" for you and that is what matters. It's time to move on to someone who makes you feel appreciated and secure in the relationship. Don't settle for some half baked relationship, you deserve the best.
reply to Nicole
send this answer to a friendA trend toward sexlessness (my word; don’t bother looking it up) is a cause for concern, though may be explained easily. Maybe he’s under stress, or he’s getting on in years—and perhaps pounds—and the libido is buried under layers of fat. Then again, maybe you’re right and he’s getting his sex somewhere else. Whatever you most strongly suspect is probably the truth; however, did you ever agree on an exclusive relationship? The most telling thing you wrote was that you don’t care what he thinks. It’s likely if you don’t care what he thinks, then you also don’t care what he feels, what his views are or probably whether he gets run over by a bus, so why are you wasting your time with him? Go find someone you do care about; or better yet, take a break from relationships and spend some time with the most important person you know: you. Too many people rely too deeply on relationships and often never learn independence.
reply to E.T.
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First thing I want to know is, what do YOU really want? Search your soul. Does he turn you on? Does he give you the attention you need? Can you be your full, vivacious self around him? Is wishy-washy a deal breaker?
But I think I'm hearing something else here: telling him you think the relationship needs a time out doesn't sound completely honest. It sounds like a test to see how he might react. It reads like a cover for, "Hey, I'm feeling vulnerable and need some reassurance." I'll cop to having done this myself in the past. You may be sensing he's not that in to you but if you want answers, then have an honest conversation with him if you feel you can. If not then it might not be the kind of relationship you're looking for anyway.
But I think I'm hearing something else here: telling him you think the relationship needs a time out doesn't sound completely honest. It sounds like a test to see how he might react. It reads like a cover for, "Hey, I'm feeling vulnerable and need some reassurance." I'll cop to having done this myself in the past. You may be sensing he's not that in to you but if you want answers, then have an honest conversation with him if you feel you can. If not then it might not be the kind of relationship you're looking for anyway.
reply to dana joy
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I don't think this one is too complicated. It sounds like you've made up your mind so just take a deep breath and do it. Give him a call, do it in person or send him a text ;)
reply to Casey
send this answer to a friendI am astounded that this silly post about a stupid guy has gotten so many responses. Some good food for thought, though. I think I'll be very well prepared for this and future breakups.
Thanks everyone!
Thanks everyone!
reply to Blondie
send this answer to a friendOk Blondie... It sounds like you aren't that into him and he definitely isn't that into you. He has your business card on his dresser?? I hate to ask what you do that he would need your card in case he needs to call you... My suggestion is short, sweet and in my usual blunt manner... Find another guy. No woman in the modern world should have to go two weeks without sex, especially if you've seen him 6 times... (3x a week for two weeks) Time for a new guy or a really good battery opperated friend....
reply to Laurie
send this answer to a friendOh just cuz, I'm gonna round this out to 200 freaking responses to this lil question. Holy hell Blonds, did you ever expect to receive that many? Wow, the newbies are enthusiastic! Awesome. :)
reply to D
send this answer to a friendThe list of reasons to break up with this guy is a long one. Do it honestly, do it quickly, do it now. Then, do something nice for yourself. It doesn't sound like your soon-to-be-ex has been a lot of help in that department lately.
reply to Heather
send this answer to a friendWell, if you haven't been having sex with him lately, he should definitely get the hint things aren't going too good. I have used this tactic myself to slowly work them into the idea that I'm not into them anymore, or something is seriously wrong. It's an easy way to get your point across.
If you're too chicken to break up with him in person or on the phone, do the old standby and text him. Sure it's avoiding confronation, but it's quick, easy and the closest thing to painless.
By chance that you are still into him, then you need to have a talk. I've done the Nancy Drew myself and found my boyfriends profile on dating sites. You have to lay down the law on this one. Take it down, don't do it again, or we're done.
Good luck!
If you're too chicken to break up with him in person or on the phone, do the old standby and text him. Sure it's avoiding confronation, but it's quick, easy and the closest thing to painless.
By chance that you are still into him, then you need to have a talk. I've done the Nancy Drew myself and found my boyfriends profile on dating sites. You have to lay down the law on this one. Take it down, don't do it again, or we're done.
Good luck!
reply to Scarlet
send this answer to a friendLeave your browser open on this page somewhere where the unfaithful and lackluster lout will see it. When he confronts you about it, ask him what his opinion re: break-up options.
reply to claire
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Blondie, it's like going to the Gyno - none of us likes to do it, but do it we must. Better lay the cards on the table now before any more time goes by. It'll only make things more difficult later.
reply to Evette
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This is a no-brainer. He doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship but neither do you. If you don't care what he thinks and he's too wishy-washy for you then you just need to shoot from the hip and tell him you're just not that into him and it's time to move on. From your post it sounds like that might be a relief to him.
reply to Patti
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Blondie,
Forget about trying to come up with a relationship-ending script. First, you need to figure out IF you really want to end it. You seem conflicted and a little hurt by his lack of passion for you. You said that your interest in ending the relationship is mostly a reaction to his lack of passion.
Deal with that first. Tell him you need to talk. Tell him what you're feeling. Then, let him respond. If you don't like what he says, or don't believe anything will change, end it.
One other thing. Mr. Wishy-Washy seems to have definitively decided to save his passion for other people or things. You actually seem a bit more indecisive.
Forget about trying to come up with a relationship-ending script. First, you need to figure out IF you really want to end it. You seem conflicted and a little hurt by his lack of passion for you. You said that your interest in ending the relationship is mostly a reaction to his lack of passion.
Deal with that first. Tell him you need to talk. Tell him what you're feeling. Then, let him respond. If you don't like what he says, or don't believe anything will change, end it.
One other thing. Mr. Wishy-Washy seems to have definitively decided to save his passion for other people or things. You actually seem a bit more indecisive.
reply to D.D.
send this answer to a friendWow- sure a passionate topic! So, Blondie- what did you decide? Are we singing his eulogy yet?
reply to Anna
send this answer to a friendDear Blondie,
"Sounding lame" is the least of your worries. More importantly, what about those black hairs on the bathroom floor? Forget telling this guy you want to take a break. If he has a profile on match.com, I would scatter Nancy Drew style. And I mean, jump in your blue Nash Metropolitan (or subway, bus, electric scooter, whatever) and go in the opposite direction.
Computer creepies are not something to mess around with. Neither are black pubes. I don't think keeping your business card and stuffed animal can negate his downfalls here. Don't be sentimental. Do what's best for you. Obviously, you're not getting any ass out of this either (for two weeks!). Be brave woman! Give him a ring and tell him he might want to buy a Swiffer Wet-Sweep for the bathroom floor. Pronto.
"Sounding lame" is the least of your worries. More importantly, what about those black hairs on the bathroom floor? Forget telling this guy you want to take a break. If he has a profile on match.com, I would scatter Nancy Drew style. And I mean, jump in your blue Nash Metropolitan (or subway, bus, electric scooter, whatever) and go in the opposite direction.
Computer creepies are not something to mess around with. Neither are black pubes. I don't think keeping your business card and stuffed animal can negate his downfalls here. Don't be sentimental. Do what's best for you. Obviously, you're not getting any ass out of this either (for two weeks!). Be brave woman! Give him a ring and tell him he might want to buy a Swiffer Wet-Sweep for the bathroom floor. Pronto.
reply to Elizabeth
send this answer to a friendBlondie wrote: He's interested! It's just lackluster. I've been underwhelmed all along.
reply to Zari
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Like I said, you deserve better - whether it be from him or someone else. Women should never settle for "lackluster" ANYTHING from a man. When we do, we are wasting precious time - and they're getting something for nothing!
reply to Zari
send this answer to a friendKeka wrote:
Well, I don't know if my advice is the most constructive, but for a guy who does not value me as the bewitching creature I am, I would get a little sadistic.
Meaning I would very suggestively request that he meets me up at a hip bar for a cocktail, claiming an inexplicable sudden need to see him, asap. Then I would put on my most seductive red dress (lips to match, he won't get to kiss you) and head over there.
After the first cucumber martini, I'd look at him weirdly, as if he had an insect stomped in his face, which would prompt him to ask what's wrong, and then I'd deliver the punch line:
"Dunno, all of the sudden I'm not feeling you anymore. Sorry"
reply to Deborah
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Keka, I think you missed your calling as a dramatist. Staging a premeditated scene (down to the outfit no less) without giving your guy an inkling of the script seems incredibly disingenuous, not to mention ...exhausting.
reply to Deborah
send this answer to a friendJust get it over with and break up with him if that i what you really want. Life is better that way. Move on. If you are already feeling the seperation then talk to him . But talk first and then leave.
reply to jessica
send this answer to a friendJust get it over with and break up with him if that i what you really want. Life is better that way. Move on. If you are already feeling the seperation then talk to him . But talk first and then leave.
reply to jessica
send this answer to a friendJust get it over with and break up with him if that i what you really want. Life is better that way. Move on. If you are already feeling the seperation then talk to him . But talk first and then leave.
reply to jessica
send this answer to a friendAnna wrote: Wow- sure a passionate topic! So, Blondie- what did you decide? Are we singing his eulogy yet?
reply to Blondie
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He's loooooooong gone. Can we delete this post?
reply to Blondie
send this answer to a friendUnless you enjoy serial dating, or you are 21 with lots of time to find someone, figure out a way to evolve your relationship without criticizing him. Nancy Drew was never bitter. It's a little like looking for a parking space; if, after searching many times around the block, you find a decent one, why speed away?
reply to Dorothy
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I'm thinking of saying, "I haven't been sensing that you are into this relationship lately. And I think you would agree that it is best that we take a break".
Oh Jesus, that sounds so lame.
My Cousin's Husband says I should just ask him where this is headed, but honestly I don't really care what he thinks. He's too wishy washy for me.
He called me earlier and I chickened out. Do I have this conversation the next time we see each other? Or the next time he calls?
I don't want to sound like a bitter Nancy Drew and bring up the fact that I saw him active on match.com or the black hairs that were scattered all over his bathroom floor last week when I was going pee.
I do feel like there are some mixed signals: He has my business card on his dresser in the tray he keeps his wallet and watch and a stuffed animal I gave him on his nightstand.
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