I don't have the experience of dealing with an addict of any kind, my experience is only related to abusive relationships.
But the thing they have in common is that it is difficult and draining trying to live with an addict or an emotionally abusive partner or family member. It makes you focus on nothing else but this, it frustrates you because it is a constant battle with the other person and, you've seen here, the other person doesn't want to change so it is a battle lost.
You agreed on a plan with your partner and he failed to meet it (the ones regarding sharing living costs and is probably continuing to do so).
But the most important thing is that even though he goes to therapy he cheats and lies and does his best to avoid and this has been confirmed by doctors.
So I would say, sit down with him, tell him you are unhappy with this situation as it is serious and you are unhappy that he doesn't take it seriously. Then work out some sort of plan and milestones that he has to meet to show you he is serious about recovering. If he fails to meet the first 2 steps you are out. I say move out and then see if he manages to reach the healing milestones. If not you are better off being happy with people who aren't addicts and who can show you wonderful things and be wonderful people without needing to be high. Good luck!
But the thing they have in common is that it is difficult and draining trying to live with an addict or an emotionally abusive partner or family member. It makes you focus on nothing else but this, it frustrates you because it is a constant battle with the other person and, you've seen here, the other person doesn't want to change so it is a battle lost.
You agreed on a plan with your partner and he failed to meet it (the ones regarding sharing living costs and is probably continuing to do so).
But the most important thing is that even though he goes to therapy he cheats and lies and does his best to avoid and this has been confirmed by doctors.
So I would say, sit down with him, tell him you are unhappy with this situation as it is serious and you are unhappy that he doesn't take it seriously. Then work out some sort of plan and milestones that he has to meet to show you he is serious about recovering. If he fails to meet the first 2 steps you are out. I say move out and then see if he manages to reach the healing milestones. If not you are better off being happy with people who aren't addicts and who can show you wonderful things and be wonderful people without needing to be high. Good luck!
reply to Gerbera
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Before we moved in together, we drew up a financial plan, who would pay what bills, figured out current expenses, regular household stuff, etc., and when the bills came due, it came out that he spent all of his paycheck on drugs and booze. He had to borrow money from his brother to meet his end of the monthly household expenses.
After confessing to his problem, he joined NA and AA, has gone into individual therapy and we are in couple's counseling as well.
This all happened a month ago, all the doctors agree that he doesn't seem all that motivated to really deal with his addiction(s). He is still in denial, lies occasionally, but insists he's "really giving recovery a 100% shot and making an effort" to get better. His actions do not mirror his words. It's like he's going through the motions to appease me and his family. He flat-out fell asleep in his last group session.
I have grown to love the man I thought he was. Now, I do not even know who he is anymore. At times, I don't even know who I am anymore. I am a mess, confused and feel like I'm the one losing my mind.
Do any of you Vixens or Vixmen have any experience whatsoever with addicts? How do I support without enabling? At what point do I just give up and let go? Do we even have a chance at tackling this *together* as a *we*, or should he move out?
Thanks, sorry for the long rambling post, I can barely string two thoughts together.
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