Vixens, after my boyfriend moved in with me, I found out he was an addict. Both drug and alcohol. We've been together for a year, and now I keep thinking of all the red flags I missed, and am at a loss how to best handle this situation. This is my first encounter with addiction, and I've never even tried pot, let alone any type of harder drugs.
Before we moved in together, we drew up a financial plan, who would pay what bills, figured out current expenses, regular household stuff, etc., and when the bills came due, it came out that he spent all of his paycheck on drugs and booze. He had to borrow money from his brother to meet his end of the monthly household expenses.
After confessing to his problem, he joined NA and AA, has gone into individual therapy and we are in couple's counseling as well.
This all happened a month ago, all the doctors agree that he doesn't seem all that motivated to really deal with his addiction(s). He is still in denial, lies occasionally, but insists he's "really giving recovery a 100% shot and making an effort" to get better. His actions do not mirror his words. It's like he's going through the motions to appease me and his family. He flat-out fell asleep in his last group session.
I have grown to love the man I thought he was. Now, I do not even know who he is anymore. At times, I don't even know who I am anymore. I am a mess, confused and feel like I'm the one losing my mind.
Do any of you Vixens or Vixmen have any experience whatsoever with addicts? How do I support without enabling? At what point do I just give up and let go? Do we even have a chance at tackling this *together* as a *we*, or should he move out?
Thanks, sorry for the long rambling post, I can barely string two thoughts together.
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